Mum guilt - to stop exclusively pumping!

[gemloving]

I am 10 weeks into exclusively pumping, it's so hard especially when I have the toddler (2 1/2) and baby. The moment the toddler sleeps, I put the pump on trying to entertain baby on my knees and it's relentless. We tried to breastfeed but he lost so much weight, his latch was poor and we ended up in hospital (not because of the weight) but sugar levels (no I didn't have GD) and on day 3, that was the moment I started exclusively pumping. Well the first 2-3 weeks I continued putting him on the boob but then topped up with the expressed milk, booked private lactation consultants, spending lots of money on that as well as pumping equipment etc

I breastfed DS1 for 14 months and have always felt very strongly about wanting to breastfeed but DS2 never took to it as described above and I'm at a breaking point as it's relentless!

This is so stupid but please tell me it's ok to stop, it doesn't make me a bad mother even though my first baby got only breastmilk for so much longer. Crying whilst writing this. I feel so guilty.

It's okay to stop. Exclusively pumping is the absolute worst of both worlds - I did it for 12 weeks until dd finally latched. But I ff my older children and actually they are all fine years later.
It's okay, honestly it is. It's time to stop now - you need to think of yourself here - put your own oxygen mask on first.

You have given your baby much more breastmilk than many do and his gut flora has really benefitted from that. Please stop. Be kind to yourself. Enjoy your baby.

I stopped pumping at 6 weeks, I was an emotional, exhausted wreck. I felt guilty but I have to say it was the best decision, I still remember the date 18 years later.
It's such a hard decision, but for me it was the start of my daughters Mum being there properly instead of a Mum who cried constantly due to complete exhaustion.
I had to pump as bf was physically impossible for my daughter, in the end formula made us all more sane.

I have just been through this with my twins and have just stopped pumping for them at 6 months. The emotions involved are very complicated! I fed my Singleton until he was 3.5 and I'm a peer supporter so although I was expecting problems, not being able to overcome them has been an absolute killer for me.

What I did was put a time limit on it (for me, 6 months, but I was about 4.5months in then) and the day they turned 6 months we had a celebration, a cake, some flowers and I bought myself a necklace. Turn it round to celebrate what you have achieved, not what you think you should have. Changing the mindset really helped me.

Your baby is lucky that you care so much about giving him breastmilk, 10 weeks worth is a great start! You can only do your best, no one can ask any more of you than that, it's not just a matter of 'trying harder' with breastfeeding, believe me, I know. Congratulations and well done to you for making it to 10 weeks, brilliant for your baby x x x

You should not be crying, you should be enjoying this time.
Stop and put him on the bottle 💐

Of course it doesn't make you a bad mother! Breastfeeding or pumping is not the be all and end all. It just doesn't work out sometimes. Formula also isn't poison and these days there's so much societal pressure on women to breastfeed that it's no wonder women who don't feel all sorts of guilt and shame - for no reason. If you remember only one thing, it's that whether you decide to BF or FF the aim of the game is that your baby is fed, happy and healthy. If you're drilling yourself into the ground over quite frankly, a non-issue (and I don't mean that as a dig to you, it angers me that mothers feel like this when there's no need), you won't be able to parent properly. Let all of this pressure go and feed your baby formula with no guilt, you'll feel 10000 times better for it and it'll show.

Stop! Let go of the guilt. It doesn’t matter how you feed your baby. He will thrive on formula and you will feel better. The most important thing is your health, mentally and physically.

Please stop. It is gut-wrenching, I was so, so sad. But I can honestly say from the day I switched everything felt better. You have clearly done everything you can, but it sounds like this is the right thing for all of you.

I get you OP. I exclusively pumped for my eldest and it’s exhausting. I’m not exaggerating when I say that the sound of the pump now almost triggers me into a panic attack, I just associate it with so much stress and anxiety. In hindsight I wish I had stopped pumping earlier, it might have helped my PND rather than it continuing for a whole year after baby was born. I think it contributed to it massively.

You have done brilliantly. Now stop.

With no.1 life can revolve around them but for no.2 onwards you have to consider what's best for the family, particularly you. You've done brilliantly getting this far but there are no prizes for perseverance. This will be the first of many dilemmas where you'll feel torn about fair treatment of the DC but most importantly you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of them.

It is definitely ok for you to stop and not feel guilty about it. I breastfed both my children with loads of challenges and strongly support getting help and persevering with breastfeeding (for those who want to) but exclusive pumping would have been my breaking point. So as an outsider looking in, stopping the pumping is totally understandable in your situation. I absolutely hated pumping on the few occasions I had to do it. There is absolutely no way I could have managed exclusive pumping, especially with DC2 where DC1 also needs looking after. You sound like an amazing mum. If the lactation consultants have no further suggestions beyond pumping but that is understandably proving too challenging and having an impact on your time with your eldest then you've done all you can. You have done so well to get to 10 weeks and you should be so proud of your dedication and commitment to get to this point.

blog.hurrahforgin.com/2016/07/07/the-shitty-guilt-fairy/

I love this blog to put a lighthearted spin on mum guilt! Don't let the SGF win!

It's absolutely fine to stop. I pumped for about 5 weeks this time (not exclusively) and just remember sitting there in tears with bleeding nipples from a poor latch, a crying baby and a furious toddler who was getting zero attention and just thinking "fuck it".

It's about a well rounded mum and baby life, contentment and love, bonding, not crying, pain, guilt ... start thinking of the wider picture. You've done 10 weeks a d that's brilliant! Move on now

It's easy to feel guilty about this, but you really shouldn't. You've done what you could and now you need to take stock and do what's right for your family.

I exclusively pumped for 6 months, while my baby was in NICU. It was easier for me to do this because I wasn't trying to pump at the same time as playing with a toddler (and I mainly pumped while at the hospital). I stopped because I couldn't handle it any longer & it was affecting my mental health. But I still felt guilty about it.

You have done a great job and will continue to do so once you switch to formula.

Exclusively plumping is the hardest way to feed. You've done an incredible thing, you're an incredible mumma. It's time to stop - it's for the best for everyone ❤️

You have permission to stop. In fact I think it is absolutely important that you do stop. I have been where you are. Well done for all you have done. It’s time to lay it down now because the best thing for your baby and toddler is a functioning mum and it’s very likely to start to impacting them. Stop for them. It’s okay to grieve for what you wanted and hasn’t been possible. In time, you will see this as just one thing that didn’t go to plan and appreciate the compassion it gives you for other mums who can’t breastfeed for as long as they hoped to. You are an excellent mum who has gone above and beyond. Knowing when its time to stop is wise and loving.

It's time to enjoy your baby now OP and ditch the guilt. 10bweeks of exclusive pumping is a tremendous achievement and your baby has had a truly wonderful start (more than just a start).

On another note, was he investigated for tongue tie?

Exclusive pumping is hard! I did it for three months before DD was able to latch. She just needed to grow! Are you still trying baby on the breast every day? One day she just latched on and that was that! But it's gruelling and definitely don't blame for you stopping. I am wondering how to handle it if baby 2 has same issues as I won't have the time I did with DD.

Also the guilt is real, I felt almost compelled to keep going no matter what, and now I wish I'd given myself a bit more of a break with it as it doesn't seem so important 2 years on. But when they are tiny, feeding is basically the only thing you can control because they don't really do or
need much else, so It can become all and disproportionately consuming.

I done 4 months of it and wish I had stopped a lot earlier. I get how you feel though I felt so guilty but actually formula is full of vitamins.

I reduced it and started combi feeding and would do 2 pumps in the day until I couldn't produce enough milk to really use anyway.

I really struggled breastfeeding, i tried everything, I pumped and combined feeds, it was hell.

I managed 6 weeks with DS & 10 weeks with DD, then switched to formula.

They are 17 & 20 now, are healthy and brilliant and always have been, I wish I'd let go of some of the guilt of parenting (especially when they are babies) with breastfeeding being the first thing I beat myself up over.

You are doing your best, you are doing a great job, give yourself a little break once in a while. Your kids will thank you for being a bit more relaxed sometimes and they know you're doing your best for them!

It really is ok to stop. I didnt do it for as long as you, but I think had I continued to it would have led me to PND. My son has thrived on formula. Absolutely no guilt here, and I think BF/milk is pushed too much when it is actually causing damage.

I’m just finishing exclusive pumping at 13 months. Now I’m only pumping once every few days I can’t tell you how much I regret it! It has utterly consumed my life, I was exhausted getting up early and going to bed late to make sure I kept up my supply. Don’t feel guilty at all.

Formula is not poison. I for one am so so grateful that we have a choice in how to feed our children. You have permission to stop.
Linking to a really well written balanced view on feeding. I formula fed my three and this helped me especially with my twins not to feel guilty. I mean I didn't even want to breastfeed but I still felt awful about it 😂
Everyday I am so thankful we have a choice www.bpas.org/get-involved/campaigns/briefings/breastfeeding-and-formula-feeding/

Heroic for doing so much! I LOATHE pumping and barely ever do it - makes me feel like a cow. Well done you.