Newborn sleepless nights

[Shmerlock]

Oh my lord, nothing could have prepared me for the exhaustion I would feel with my little one (DD).

She's currently 9 days old and has yet to sleep tonight!! Each night she wakes hourly - usually wanting a feed, but will only feed for 10mins before nodding off on the boob! As soon as I place her back in the crib she starts to flail and whinge, if I ignore this (which if I'm honest I rarely do) then this turns to full blown screams!

I wouldn't mind all this if it weren't for the fact that in comparison she has a very good sleep pattern during the day!!!

Anyone else in the same boat - please feel free to vent below!

Is this standard newborn behaviour!? Any advice is appreciated - so far I've tried white noise, winding her, nappy changes, long cuddles after a feed bug nothing seems to work!!!

@Shmerlock I feel for you, my newborn was like this and he was on the bottle. After amount of researching I found an app with white noise on and me shhhhhhh over it. Also how are you winding the baby? I found sitting them in the buddha position and in firm circular motions on the back rather then patting - this meant to help stimulate the diaphragm to help with winding. I found it help. Mine is now 3 months and still listen to white noise to calm him to sleep or relax.

She's only tiny - she just wants to be on you all the time! Babies are designed to wake up a lot, it's actually safer for them, but being on you helps to regulate their nervous system, breathing and wonky digestion as well as feeling safer. I wouldn't start messing around with formula top-ups or pumping etc while breastfeeding is still being established, as long as she's putting on weight and producing lots of dirty nappies she's probably getting enough.

I would definitely look into feeding lying down and safe co-sleeping, it saved my sanity and makes nights so much easier. It's also much less dangerous than feeling asleep shouting up with your baby on top of you, which I did a couple of times in the early days.

@ElderMillennial

I know you're being helpful and I don't want to sound horrible, but I wouldn't pump before 6 weeks.

If you don't want to sound "horrible" then maybe just share your opinion / experience without replying to a PP as if they are wrong because their advice advice different from yours

I don't think there's anything wrong with letting someone know advice has changed. I specifically said I wasn't being nasty. This kind of information is useful to know - she may pass it on to someone else. I did - that's what I've done and I was told in the same way. Didn't bother me.

Yes, this was the first 8 weeks for us. I slept sitting up all that time. She's better now- still up 2-3 times a night at 5 months but getting there. Can't remember if you said in the OP but if you're breastfeeding hormones are higher at night so babies are programmed to feed more then while your supply becomes established

Thank you all for such great advice and tips! Apologies I haven't replied to everyone, but I have read all your suggestions and comments.

We had another night from hell last night and am currently passed out on the sofa with my snoozing girl - it's a good job she's cute!!!

Try co sleeping. Mine now sleeps in his cot from 9-4am, then joins us in the bed but was in the bed with us a lot at the beginning (he's 10 weeks)

LIke any situation, no one aproach is going to work for everyone (even the 'official advice'). The good thing about mumsnet is OP can hear what worked for different people and try some options.

The advantage of giving a bottle of formula or expressed milk is that the baby may fill up easier that way (worth a shot) and the baby's dad could do it whilst the OP gets some sleep (definitely worth a shot!). Another advantage (in my view) of giving occasional bottle right from the start is to get the baby used to sometimes having a bottle so the mother can have some time away from the baby (eg go back to work or out/away).

It's probably true that if you have an oversupply pumping could make it worse (which you could resolve by stopping pumping), and if you have an undersupply pumping could make it better (but many people find it doesn't help and they just get knackered). It's not clear that OP has either of these problems though.

I think the fact that the official advice changes frequently and is different in different countries reflects the fact that there is no one right solution - understanding why people try different things can at least help people make their own decisions there.

@MotherOfCrocodiles

LIke any situation, no one aproach is going to work for everyone (even the 'official advice'). The good thing about mumsnet is OP can hear what worked for different people and try some options.

The advantage of giving a bottle of formula or expressed milk is that the baby may fill up easier that way (worth a shot) and the baby's dad could do it whilst the OP gets some sleep (definitely worth a shot!). Another advantage (in my view) of giving occasional bottle right from the start is to get the baby used to sometimes having a bottle so the mother can have some time away from the baby (eg go back to work or out/away).

It's probably true that if you have an oversupply pumping could make it worse (which you could resolve by stopping pumping), and if you have an undersupply pumping could make it better (but many people find it doesn't help and they just get knackered). It's not clear that OP has either of these problems though.

I think the fact that the official advice changes frequently and is different in different countries reflects the fact that there is no one right solution - understanding why people try different things can at least help people make their own decisions there.

No, of course, I wasn't trying to catch you out as it seems PP thinks. I only know that in my own experience and from what I've been taught pumping can cause mastitis and blocked ducts early on, and cause oversupply. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it does raise the risk.

Like you said, it's good to hear different opinions. I wasn't aware myself until a while ago!

I had a birth very similar to yours and was on iron tablets, antibiotics and taking lactulose. The first few weeks were awful for us too. If you are on any medication maybe this is upsetting her? A few days after finishing mine we had better nights, I think it was causing wind pain for our little boy and once I stopped them he was more settled.

@Minniemoo60 that sounds very similar to our girl - we're convinced it's wind! She's very trumpy, poor thing! We think she has trapped wind a lot as she seems to be in some discomfort with it

Co-sleeping, swaddling and dummies!

I know these are potentially controversial but they're what got ex and i through those early days.

How much is she sleeping in the day? Sometimes if they're sleeping too much in the day they won't sleep enough at night. There are gently ways to keep them awake a little longer in the day if this is the case, very common in babies born in daytime who are then exhausted by being born, sleep lots immediately after the birth - and are then awake all night!

Went through this with dd and rectified with advice from midwife.

I just want to say incase you need to hear it - it's okay to stop breastfeeding. I was really struggling and by two and a half weeks I was feeding my son constantly in the night but sobbing at the same time because I was utterly exhausted. He would cluster feed for 6-8 hours at a time and I was in so much pain! One night he just wouldn't settle, was getting so frustrated at the breast, I gave him 30ml of formula and he finally settled and slept. The feeding constantly is really hard but it is them building your supply. I decided not to continue and I now express and formula feed, I do now think that DS had latch issues but I was constantly told his latch was good and to just persevere. People will also tell you about the magic '6 week mark' where if all changes. I wasn't so sure and I couldn't even think about the next feed without getting in a tizz about the pain and unsettled-ness, never mind the next 4 weeks. Do what is best for you. Never feel like you have to justify your decisions either way to anyone. Happy mum = happier baby and household in my experience.

Ye that’s how my baby suffered. Hopefully it should settle soon. Just try and get rest I know it’s so hard those first few weeks especially recovering from the blood loss you just feel so weak.

The 6 week thing happened for me.

But everyone has to do what's best for them and their family.

We weren't averse to dummies just hadn't thought to buy any. By the 2nd night at home with dd not settling well we bought a ton the next day as soon as shops opened!

I bf exclusively until she was almost 10 months old and I only stopped then cos my milk dried on me. Never had a problem with her using dummies also and she rejected them herself around the 5/6 month mark. She'd only had them at bedtime before then anyway.

Bf is a new skill to you and baby so it takes practice, but if you're finding it too much/not for you then absolutely switch to mixed or formula feeding (very little is ever mentioned about mixed feeding)

Yes bf has many pros but so so does ff.

That said, I did personally hate ff because I found it a pita!

But products and methods and equipment have come on since then so it may be much easier now. This was almost 20 years ago and ready made was JUST starting to come in and I found it a total pain making up bottles, warming up, working around how long a made up bottle was safe for etc (lived very rurally then, a made up bottle was only safe for 2 hours, nearest town decent for shopping was 40/50 mins drive away so it was a carefully planned outing)

You will get there whatever way you work around this, and also remember it's all just a phase - in just a few months you'll look back and barely remember these early days.

I don't think there's anything wrong with letting someone know advice has changed. I specifically said I wasn't being nasty. This kind of information is useful to know - she may pass it on to someone else. I did - that's what I've done and I was told in the same way. Didn't bother me.

Sharing advice is fine, it's what this thread is for, but maybe just post on the thread to respond to OP without singling someone else out and say anything about being or nothing being horrible as if it's your place to decide who is wrong and right. Maybe that wasn't your intention so it was just a communication issue.

LIke any situation, no one aproach is going to work for everyone (even the 'official advice'). The good thing about mumsnet is OP can hear what worked for different people and try some options.

Exactly.

@ElderMillennial

I don't think there's anything wrong with letting someone know advice has changed. I specifically said I wasn't being nasty. This kind of information is useful to know - she may pass it on to someone else. I did - that's what I've done and I was told in the same way. Didn't bother me.

Sharing advice is fine, it's what this thread is for, but maybe just post on the thread to respond to OP without singling someone else out and say anything about being or nothing being horrible as if it's your place to decide who is wrong and right. Maybe that wasn't your intention so it was just a communication issue.

LIke any situation, no one aproach is going to work for everyone (even the 'official advice'). The good thing about mumsnet is OP can hear what worked for different people and try some options.

Exactly.

Don't be childish. Speaking directly to someone isn't singling someone out. This is an open forum of women discussing and giving advice on breastfeeding. If we were all sat in the pub chatting about it, and one of us gave advice that happens to have changed (and isn't well known to have changed, but can actually really help as no one likes mastitis or over supply!), are you telling me you wouldn't say anything and just let the person keep giving said advice? We're all adults here. It wasn't a criticism - things can be said without some nasty motive. Goodness me. It's medical advice, not a matter of opinion. This kind of thing is helpful to know, that's why I tagged PP; not to catch her out. Not everything has to be so playground. You don't get to dictate how I use a forum and interact with its members. Stop creating issues where there are none.

Haven't read your full comment @FolkyFoxFace as it's a bit long and self serving but I get where you were coming from as I think you said. I think it just sounded a bit of how you addressed your comment. It's not a big deal so maybe don't take it so personally.

@ElderMillennial

Haven't read your full comment *@FolkyFoxFace* as it's a bit long and self serving but I get where you were coming from as I think you said. I think it just sounded a bit of how you addressed your comment. It's not a big deal so maybe don't take it so personally.

You're the one who jumped in all guns blazing on a comment not even addressed to you. I was just being helpful. Maybe practice your own forum etiquette.

Welcome to the newborn stage 😃. Mine is now approaching 10 weeks and it’s starting to get a bit better. He was waking up every 2hrs at night for feeds.. I’m breastfeeding. It’s so exhausting. The first week was the worst for me because I lost quite a lot of blood giving birth so I felt extremely drained.
I ended up co-sleeping with him and he slept so much better and a little longer. Will put him in his Moses / cot once he’s sleeping for longer because I don’t want to make it a habit. He’s my second and I actually don’t remember being this tired with my dd. Hope it all gets better for you

Keep posting OP as I'm sure there are a few of us in the same boat

@AyyX I think this is what I'm struggling with, she's breastfeeding and wakes every hour for a feed at the moment!! And, like you, I also lost a lot of blood during the birth so still feeling drained!

@ElderMillennial it certainly seems like it! I was reading about the fourth trimester during a feed in the early hours of this morning and it's definitely reassuring to know most are experiencing the same in those first few months!

Yes exactly. The advice now I believe us that you can't spoil a newborn and they are still adjusting to life out of the womb

My husand had ours on his chest all night - only way she would sleep for the first month, She otherwise sleeps in our bed in a Sleepyhead