4 month old - help

[Newmummy39]

Hi,

I'm feeling a total failure. I have a healthy, happy inquisitive little 4 month old, but his sleep is all over the place. He has had times where he has napped for 2-4 hours in the day, but he's never managed more than a 4 hour stretch at night. This past week he has been waking every 2 hours and only napping for 30 mins at a time unless he sleeps on me and then he will do a good 90mins. I'm solely breast feeding and feel that maybe I'm doing that wrong? I've had to come off social media because all I see are new Mums looking glam, out in restaurants, parks and now holidays on the beach with their newborns and I'm at home getting out for walks or to grab a coffee, quick lunch with messy hair etc. I'm solely focusing on making sure my little one is fed, happy and sleeping enough. I no longer worry about myself or what I wear as it's not important, so how am I failing so much? Why isn't he napping properly or sleeping through the night. I take him swimming every Thursday to a private teacher with 2 other mums and all I hear is how their babies have slept through the night (formula fed) I've started to feed him so baby rice and breast milk with a little bit of the Ella sachets as he seemed to be ready. He definitely enjoys that. I also purchased a personalised sleep schedule based on my input over a week and it's great (huckleberry) I tried it today and he just cried before he went down and when he woke up? Is this the sleep regression stage or am I like I said totally useless and failing my baby boy.

Totally normal sleep patterns for a 4 month old, you're doing everything as you should be. I'd just suggest you read up on weaning onto food if you haven't already done so - now it's suggested that you don't start until 6 months until medically advised, and lots of the signs are easy to misread. You also might find that those with good sleepers will soon be in a different position with sleep regressions etc!

Is there a reason why your weaning now? It's early unless you've been told to.
Does he sleep in a pram? I introduced a pram nap when my LO used to fight his afternoon nap. It also got me out the house for fresh air which was good for me and I think it'll do you the world of good.
White noise also works great for us.

Let's be clear here: you are NOT failing him and you are NOT a useless mother. 4 month old babies can be terrible, terrible sleepers. Some parents have babies who sleep through by 4 months, but most will have one or more wake ups every night, and some will struggle with nights and daytime naps as well. Some parents will also say their baby is sleeping through when that isn't the case (eg because to them, sleeping through means a stretch of 6 hours, or because they just don't want to talk about their baby's sleep issues). So please stop comparing your baby to other babies.
I think it's very important to read a few books on sleep so that you get an idea on what can be done to help your baby to sleep better. For example, one thing you can do is encourage self-settling. Do you currently feed your baby to sleep? Does he have a dummy?

I started to wean as I spoke with my nurse when I went for his jabs and told her he was reaching for the food on my plate etc. She advised I start on some baby rice with breast milk and I've just slowly added a bit of Ella's on the way (they all say from 4 months on the packaging). Do you think I should stop? He just seems to really enjoy it? I used to take him out in his bassinet and he would sleep, but at 13 weeks he started to roll over and hasn't stopped doing that and starting to try and crawl, so every time I take him out in it he just wants fo roll over and see everything, so I've taken that off and put the attachment on that faces me and he can look around and he is so content. He started to just cry in the bassinet in the end as he just wanted to be on his front and looking out.

Oh wow I feel like I could have written this post - my LO is 10 weeks so a little younger but I’m having all the same problems with sleep and worries re. taking care of myself. Have no useful advice to offer but just wanted to say that you’re not alone

I wouldn't stop now that you've started.
I would deffo try a pram nap now he's content in the seat attachment he should slowly drift off.
Take a coffee with you and your headphones!
Your doing a great job, it's hard, but it passes.

@LucretiaBorgia thank you!
I have the wonderful huckleberry app and sent off my data (took a week to collect) and then send you a plan personalised for you. It's so good and breaks down what you need to do to help them fall asleep independently. I tried it where you leave them for a while to wake up etc before you go in and get them as they may fall back, but he doesn't....he just rolls over and starts looking around and trying to "climb" out of his next to me cot. They say to try that method for a week before you go onto the next. Is it worth it @ this stage if he's going to be having issues with regression anyway?

@IncyWincy21 thank you! So he will drift off in that part of the pram right? It just seems a bit upright, but I can drop it back if he starts it drift I think!

@maybaby21 awwww we're in this together! Is it your first? It's crazy right?
I just feel like I'm this bedraggled crazy woman! How do these women do it? Ha x

[quote Newmummy39]@IncyWincy21 thank you! So he will drift off in that part of the pram right? It just seems a bit upright, but I can drop it back if he starts it drift I think! [/quote]
Yep!
Just time the walk to his nap time, used to take my LO 5/10 mins to go to sleep, once asleep I used to recline it.

4 month sleep regression. At least 10 threads about it on here every week.

You need to lower your expectations for the next several weeks.

Baby rice is nutritionally void so you may be making it worse as that will be taking the space of milk which is nutrient dense. His gut may not be ready (reaching for things is not an indicator of internal readiness) which could also be affecting his sleep.

Keep doing what you're doing - you're not failing at motherhood! If the sleep has suddenly become rubbish, the 4 month sleep regression is usually to blame - lasts about 6 weeks. It's a phase but can be brutal, just go with it, it'll soon end!

Ahh OP, you are not a failure! I'm sorry to say but it sounds like a typical 4 months old with a possible regression. I have no tips as this is when my dream baby became a little not so dreamy and the co sleeping and contact napping started. No sleep training here as I'm not a fan and never considered it but DS started sleeping all by himself by the time he was 1. So there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it feels a bit too distant right now. You only realise that it's a phase once it's ended. Good luck

@NavigatingAdolescence that's a very valid and interesting point you've made. Thank you x

@TedHastingsweeDonkey @MaMaD1990 thank you!! I hope it is. You just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel can you? It's a very lonely world sometimes.

That’s absolutely normal sleep for a 4 month old - you aren’t doing anything wrong. Baby sleep changes constantly in the first year, and this is typical for the age.

Re weaning, 4 months is really early. Was it on the advice of your GP or health visitor? If not I would stop til the recommended 6 months. At 4 months they don’t really have the gut maturity for food.

@Gladiolys I also wonder if they're stressed or upset by this regression. That's why I worry that he will be upset or sad? Mad thinking I know. It was actually the nurse who did his jabs. I'll stop and continue with solely breast feeding. Thank you x

I haven't heard of this app, it sounds good and I would definitely continue with it even though he is going through a sleep regression!

Yeah I'd wait with food OP, they get interested in everything around 4 months - doesn't seem like good advice from the nurse unless there are other signs. This is the NHS weaning page www.nhs.uk/start4life/weaning/ready-or-not/

Breastmilk is more calories dense than any of the purees they can have at 4 months so food at that age definitely won't help them sleep more.

This is so so normal, the 4 month sleep regression is so hard. I also EBF and was up every 1-2 hours for weeks and weeks. Shes 11mo now and sleeps through. I didn't do any sleep training, she just suddenly started self soothing herself back to sleep (I think around 6 months). She would also only ever nap on me, although I actually loved our sleepy cuddles. Just know you're not alone, I don't know of any 4 month olds that sleep through the night (I'm sure they exist...maybe?). Ignore social media, that is nothing more than a highlight reel. Going to the beach with a newborn sounds like hell to me 😅 you have so many years ahead of you for fun trips out (trips they'll actually remember), just do what you can to survive, I promise you it's starts getting easier from now..

It's a phase, it's developmentally normal and you're not doing anything wrong. It's so hard. Between 4 and 6 months have been the hardest sleep wise with my ten month old so far. I was about to sleep train when we got to about 6 months as I was beyond knackered and then she just grew out of that sleep stage and moved onto new sleep behaviour. Don't beat yourself up or put pressure on yourself to 'fix' it. But I would say try and carve out some time for yourself, it's ok to think about your clothes/appearance and these things can make you feel like you snd not just a mother.

My baby is 4 months old too! To be honest I just don’t have any sort of schedule - just take the baby with me whatever I’m doing and she will sleep in the Pram when tired! I find she is worse and less likely to nap if I stay home ! I don’t track naps at all and I just leave her up with us in the evening and she falls asleep in living room and take her to her cot when we go to bed!
Some nights she sleeps well other nights she’s up every 2 hours - I just kinda go with it and don’t get too stressed about any routine and just get on with life
If I take her out and she kicks off i either persevere try calm her/ walk around with her etc or just give up and go home!
My baby is only breastfed too
I think your stressing yourself out a bit trying to get a strict routine right now! Just calm down a bit / give yourself a break

Ah lovely. It’s hard, this being a mum.

I’ve got 2, one BF and one FF and they were both like this at your LOs age. Because it’s completely and utterly normal.

I also think the idea of ‘routines’ can be really damaging, I prefer to think of babies having ‘rhythms’ instead. So rather than the app saying it’s ‘11:45 and it’s now time for a nap’ I tend to go with the ‘it’s been a few hours baby might be tired now’. Rigidity to routines can make things really hard, I don’t do the same thing at the same time each day, rather I do things in a rhythm, I’m hungry roughly, but not exactly or always, at the same time, give or take a few hours. Some days I’m not that hungry, some days I’m more tired, babe is the same. If in doubt, get a boob out.

I contacted napped with both children, DS would happily sleep on me, the pram, the floor! DD will only sleep on me/DP. She’s never napped more than 30m. It’s just the way she’s made. It’s certainly nothing to do with your milk. DS slept through at 14m I think, I have no idea when DD will, as and when she wants to I suppose.

And as for the nurse who told you to wean her, she’s talking shite, I’m a practice nurse, I give baby jabs, currently the guidelines are for ‘around 6m’ to start weaning, babes guys might be ready for it but they might not be either. And introducing food can upset their sleep as all of a sudden their intestines are having to work and it can disturb them.

Your baby is just being a completely normal baby, but it’s still absolutely knackering and leaves you second guessing everything, responding to babes needs gently and stepping away from the ideas of routines might be a way to go x

I wrote a panicked post just like yours 9 years ago. Terrified I'd made a rod for my own back and was getting it all wrong.

Actually, if I could turn the clock back now, I wouldn't change a thing. Carry on feeding on demand, comforting your baby and doing your best. Your little one is going through a massive growth spurt in both brain and body. He can't switch off mentally because his head is full of a baby to do list of skills he wants to try. He's growing bigger. He needs frequent feeds. You've done nothing wrong. He's not broken. Baby sleep progress isn't linear - just when you feel like you're coping nature throws in some setbacks.

Sounds normal for 4 months to me - sleep is developmental. I've had two FF babies and one is a great sleeper and the other one is a nightmare! Food has made it temporarily worse with both of them as their bodies get used to new stuff too. I personally wouldn't wean at 4 months.

Best thing you can do is just whatever gets you through this particular stage - I like a routine but you just have to wing it a lot of the time.