4 month old - help

[Newmummy39]

Hi,

I'm feeling a total failure. I have a healthy, happy inquisitive little 4 month old, but his sleep is all over the place. He has had times where he has napped for 2-4 hours in the day, but he's never managed more than a 4 hour stretch at night. This past week he has been waking every 2 hours and only napping for 30 mins at a time unless he sleeps on me and then he will do a good 90mins. I'm solely breast feeding and feel that maybe I'm doing that wrong? I've had to come off social media because all I see are new Mums looking glam, out in restaurants, parks and now holidays on the beach with their newborns and I'm at home getting out for walks or to grab a coffee, quick lunch with messy hair etc. I'm solely focusing on making sure my little one is fed, happy and sleeping enough. I no longer worry about myself or what I wear as it's not important, so how am I failing so much? Why isn't he napping properly or sleeping through the night. I take him swimming every Thursday to a private teacher with 2 other mums and all I hear is how their babies have slept through the night (formula fed) I've started to feed him so baby rice and breast milk with a little bit of the Ella sachets as he seemed to be ready. He definitely enjoys that. I also purchased a personalised sleep schedule based on my input over a week and it's great (huckleberry) I tried it today and he just cried before he went down and when he woke up? Is this the sleep regression stage or am I like I said totally useless and failing my baby boy.

Saddens me that as a society we’ve made new mothers feel that getting out to restaurants for social media likes and having a baby that sleeps through the night = smashing it as a parent of a newborn.

OP, you summed it up yourself. Your baby is happy, healthy and inquisitive. He is perfect and you are the perfect mum for him. His sleep is so so normal for a 4 month old. At 4 months old I held DS for all naps and a fair chunk of the night with a boob in his mouth. It was so tough - his sleep between 4-8 months was truly awful. But then it got better with not much intervention from me and he pretty much sleeps through in his own cot now (1 yo).

So gently and so kindly I think it’s your expectations that need altering. Surround yourself with healthy realism and do away with stuff that makes you feel bad. All the best to you

Also, on a more practical note, my DS’ sleep got hugely worse for a good month on starting weaning. There are loads of reasons you may be advised to start food early but sleep shouldn’t be one of them - mostly as it’s just not true x

Ahhh I feel for you. Some babies just aren't sleepers no matter what you do. I used to spend longer getting mine to sleep than the time she slept and tried to get her into any routine possible and it just never happened. A lot of mums formula feed which definitely makes them sleep through a hell of a lot sooner. Many also sleep train which gets babies into much more of a routine. I didn't do either as it wasn't for me which meant a vague routine and much more night wakes which is insanely hard. However, she is super happy! She is a year old and still not sleeping through but we have the most incredible bond.
I looked at other mums too and I guarantee the ones posting everything on social media or looking great are often the ones suffering more than we are. It's often a coping mechanism to pretend everything is great. Or, they've taken options that maybe u don't want to / need to take which makes it a bit easier for them. Either which way, you are absolutely NOT failing. You sound like an incredible mum. If I could go back myself I wish I had more confidence to just trust myself a bit more. You'd be surprised at how amazing your gut feeling is

@HornbeamLane @AliceW89 @Blippibloppi @dannydyerismydad @Fupoffyagrasshole @MonkeyPuddle @miltonj @KatieKat88 @LucretiaBorgia @KatieKat88 @IncyWincy21

I'd like to thank you all so much. I've had such an awful day today and you've all given such wonderful advice that I'm taking on board and most definitely using from tomorrow. The schedule was certainly putting so much presume on me, that when I sat and spoke to my partner about it I realised that I was doing just fine before I got all regimental. I am an older Mum (40 this year) which may have a factor in why it's a little more tough, but hey I could be wrong!

We've played, I've read to him, I've fed him up with the boob and he's now soundo next to me in his little cot. I don't know what the night has in store for me, but what I do know is, is that from tomorrow thanks to you all I'm going to have a better day!

Xxx

Hi op. No solutions here but wanted to add a bit of solidarity- I could have written your post myself. I have a 4mo and were going through a rough patch too. He's now formula fed - I gave up breastfeeding a month ago, but it hasn't changed his sleep. It's so hard isn't it hearing about all these babies who sleep well and are chilled etc. I feel like I'm just about holding on to the basics but not really looking after myself very well. I really hope it gets easier for us both soon. Sending a big hug xxx