Toddler haircutting trauma

[mag2305]

Hi, my ds is 2.9 and absolutely hates having his hair cut! Really hates it with a passion! We've given up with hairdressers even though the ones we did try were so patient and lovely. It was just an awful experience for all involved. Even sitting in one of those car things at a hairdressers wouldn't help.
So I've attempted the last few cuts at home myself. My dh has to bear hug my ds so I can do it. The screaming, tears and anger from ds are horrible and he's incredibly strong. Our neighbours must wonder what's going on when it's haircutting time. Tried coaxing ds with chocolate buttons but he sees straight through that.
I could let it just grow although he would still need his fringe done. Finger nails and toe nails aren't great either but he's slightly better. And we haven't even attempted the dentist yet but I know we should.

Any advice or tips? Anyone tried cutting hair whilst their toddler is asleep? I have thought about it but not sure.
Does this get better with age and more understanding?

My elder DD was like this at that age. She's much better now with practice, and weirdly one of the things that helped was explaining to her that hair doesn't bleed when you cut it – she thought it was like having your finger cut until the penny dropped. I also used to take her to my haircuts. Sorry not to be more help though.

Have you tried taking an iPad or streaming a kids video from your phone? I’m not pro-screen time for little kids, but this was the only thing that worked for me and my little boy!

The best haircuts DS1 had as a toddler were in Trotters in Kensington High Street. I don't know if they're still there or have a hairdresser's? They had fish tank in front of the chairs and he'd be transfixed for the 10 minutes it took to cut it. It was a rare treat, as it was extremely expensive.

It's almost definitely a phase and will get better. It's very rare you see an 18 year old crying and screaming at the barbers!

I would try screen time if you haven't (but I expect you have!). Also try bubbles/something else to distract.

The other thing you can try is doing one cut at a time, rather than the whole hair cut in one go. One snip while he's sitting at the table eating. One snip while he's watching TV. One while he's doing some stickers/playdough at the table etc.

I've also seen it done on a swing. One parent at front, one at back. Couple of pushes, then parent behind does a snip, push the swing a few times, catch and snip, few pushes, catch and snip etc.

Mine was exactly the same. I used to have to bring along an extra t-shirt for myself because I'd sweat so much from the effort of holding him (he was bloody strong). Letting it grow wasn't an option because he also hated having it washed.

As soon as he was old enough, he explained that it was because he hated the itching so much when hairs got down his back. Only solution that worked for us was a really close shave cut with clippers, so it's really infrequent and over very fast.

@NuffSaidSam

It's almost definitely a phase and will get better. It's very rare you see an 18 year old crying and screaming at the barbers!

I would try screen time if you haven't (but I expect you have!). Also try bubbles/something else to distract.

The other thing you can try is doing one cut at a time, rather than the whole hair cut in one go. One snip while he's sitting at the table eating. One snip while he's watching TV. One while he's doing some stickers/playdough at the table etc.

I've also seen it done on a swing. One parent at front, one at back. Couple of pushes, then parent behind does a snip, push the swing a few times, catch and snip, few pushes, catch and snip etc.

@NuffSaidSam thank you, some good tips there. I think the one snip at a time approach sounds good.

We’re experiencing the same issue at the moment with both of our DS. They’ve been having haircuts since 6 months of age but have both started screaming every time we go

DS1 says it’s because it makes him itchy. DS2 is too little to explain why but god knows if it’s the same issue or not

We’ve tried screentime, treats etc. DH is taking them next time to see if they’re better with him

@JesusInTheCabbageVan I know what you mean about the sweating. I used to be like that taking my ds to the hairdressers. These little people can be surprisingly strong, haha

Just leave it for now? He's only little. It's awful for everyone. What's the point?

Mine lets me do it in the bath - I lather it up and snip the ends off and then rinse it all off with the shower. It seems to avoid the tickly bits problem.

You can get kids scissors that are sharp enough to cut hair. Loads of kids give themselves a trim around that age - just an idea!!

@Astraturf

You can get kids scissors that are sharp enough to cut hair. Loads of kids give themselves a trim around that age - just an idea!!

@Astraturf funny you should say that because that's the sort I use. I'm a primary school teacher so I use a pair I nabbed from the classroom.

Following for ideas.

I do it when he's asleep!

I told DH that taking DS2.5 to the barber would be a nice father/son bonding activity . They went to the barber DH has been using for 8 years, half an hour before closing so it would be quiet. DH had videos ready on his phone, which were required, but DS also enjoyed watching the barber and all his machines. Haircutting is now firmly off my list of child related chores!

My son has always been like this.

He's 3 and a half now and still the same. He used to always have long hair with a fringe. And I would just trim bits off the fringe when I could.

Decided to try him at the barbers again recently... Well it didn't go well. The barber had to stop with the scissors as he said it was too dangerous with my son kicking off and flailing everywhere. Got the clippers out instead and ended up shaving it all off.

It's grown a bit now and is going to need a trim soon to tidy it up.. I'm dreading it!!

He will outgrow it eventually. In the meantime just let his hair grow. Even the fringe. His hair can be long.

Why do I say this? Because you mention you haven’t even gotten to the dentist yet. Dd screamed at haircuts. The dentist was even worse and she had real dental problems so we had no choice. The visits had to be done. It was absolutely awful.

Pick your battles. A 2 year old does not need a hair cut.

My son is *exactly" the same, even doing to one of us having to 'hug' him to contain him. The difference for us is my son is autistic and has sensory issues with his head. We have to cut it so hair Washing and brushing are easier than longer hair.

We've also given up hairdressers. We just remain consistent by using visual aids, same room, same chair, iPad, one to hold his hands and reassure, the other to trim it, plus talc to stop the itching. We also have baby clippers so not silent but quieter.

It's not great and he's still upset but still less traumatic than a barbers.

No real advice, just to say I completely get it.

My son was exactly like this and we just stopped bothering until he was older. Not worth the stress.

Thank you for everyone's stories, support and ideas. It's been really helpful. x

At that stage I cut his hair in his sleep. Do half a head when lying on one side and then the other half of the head the next night when he's shifted position naturally. Try to get him to sleep on a towel so you can remove the hair easily. Haircut can be a bit wonky but it works to get the length and thickness out.

I also tried cutting it when we had a bath together and he was distracted but he grew wise to that trick. He grew out of the issue by about 3.5yrs and my DH takes him to the barber now.

I've been in this boat too and used to do exactly what GrandmasterGlitchsMoustache described when he was asleep. Our hairdresser said it was really common at that age. He was probably about 4 before we tried again, heavy bribery and DH taking him in worked. Apparently most children improve once they've started school but yes, we tried everything including a mobile hairdresser (he hid under the dining room table.....)

5.5 and he's still like this. Much better with clippers and says he finds scissors too scary. Loves it once it finished and calms down instantaneously but it's a battle getting there. About 2 years ago he was much better but he went backwards again!

iPad for sure, and let the sit on your lap until a bit older. My DS is 4 now and will sit by himself but the iPad distracts.

My son was a bit like this at first. What did the trick was watching DH use the clippers to cut his own hair and beard. DS watched that, then wanted a go. It has worked so far, whenever DH needs a trim, DS usually willingly gets one too. It does mean we are stuck with a fairly drastic basic hair cut for a month or so, but it is better than hair in his eyes etc.

Mine was the same so I used to let him choose whatever he'd like to eat to take with him, his favourite crisps or something. Then he'd eat while they cut, not ideal but better than him screaming! He's 10 now and wants tram lines - which he's not allowed 😂