I’ve totally lost my way with naps and sleep - please help

[orangebuttons]

My DS was a really good sleeper and self-settler until about the age of 10 months, but since then he’s been very difficult. At first I thought it was a phase but he’s now 14 months so it’s been going on for a while. I’ve no idea what to do or where I’m going wrong.

Some days he will go down fine, but other days (probably about 80% of them) he will cry and cry when put down for a nap or for bed at night. Sometimes the crying will go on for an hour or two with me going in and out to cuddle and comfort him, until he eventually goes to sleep.

We do have a routine but it’s not set in stone, as I never wake him when he’s asleep, I always let him wake up naturally - which obviously varies his nap and bed times. Our rough routine is something like this:

Wake: about 8.30am
Nap: 11am-12.30pm
Bed: 6pm if he doesn’t have a 30 minute afternoon nap in his pram; 7-7.30pm if he does. He generally then takes an hour or two to get to sleep at night.

Why is he so difficult to get to sleep these days and where am I going wrong? It’s really starting to affect me mentally and grind me down, as I dread the battle I know I’ll face every nap and bed time.

If anyone can give any advice I would be so grateful, as I’m really struggling.

Definitely 12. If you can get a long nap out of him at 12-2, then that's 5 hours awake before, 5 after. Have you tried not getting him up right away if he wakes from his nap after 45 minutes? Try to feed/ snuggle him back over?

You might need to wake him up for a couple of mornings to get him used to the new routine, but that probably won't happen for long.

If you aim for 11.15, you're probably going to need 2 naps, and I think it's quite pointless at this age as it will change again very soon

@orangebuttons

He went to bed at about 7.45 last night and woke at 7.15 this morning. I’m going to try keeping him up till 11.15ish? Or would you try 12?

I wouldn't even attempt to put him to bed until 12noon.

When mine were that age, I would wait until they were literally falling asleep on their feet to put them upstairs for a nap.

Don't let him sleep past 3pm if you want him in bed for 7pm and make sure he is out in the afternoon for a big walk.

Thanks everyone, I will aim for 12.

I think I’ve been so worried about him getting overtired that I’ve been putting him down for naps too early!

Put him down at 12.15 and he’s been crying ever since. I’ve had to leave the room and leave him to it as I’m at the end of my tether. I’m a terrible mum.

Update - he fell asleep after 8/9 mins of whinging and crying. But now I feel dreadful that I just left him.

@orangebuttons

Update - he fell asleep after 8/9 mins of whinging and crying. But now I feel dreadful that I just left him.

Dont. If you keep on with the same technique it'll get better and better. Same at bedtime in the evening too. Second what PP has said, try and get him out the house this afternoon when he wakes for a run around somewhere. Dont let him sleep past 1430ish.

@orangebuttons dont feel bad! He was safe and warm, you were there, he's just learnt that if he has a little whinge, mum will sit with him to sleep or whatever you normally do. You're just giving him the skills to be able to go to sleep alone.

Don't feel bad at all. A few minutes of crying won't have hurt him in the slightest. Hopefully he's had a good sleep, and you've had a relaxing break!

He slept for 45 minutes again, so one sleep cycle. Better than nothing, but I wish he'd do the big 1.5/2 hour nap that other toddlers seem to! Maybe I need to tire him out more during the day as others have suggested.

Is he just walking or has he been walking a while? I think that makes a difference at this age as some are still crawling or just toddling and maybe don’t get as tired, others running about and walking places so exhausted come bedtime!

@orangebuttons

He slept for 45 minutes again, so one sleep cycle. Better than nothing, but I wish he'd do the big 1.5/2 hour nap that other toddlers seem to! Maybe I need to tire him out more during the day as others have suggested.

What do you do with him in the day?

He's not walking yet, so has less opportunities to tire himself out maybe.

We tend to spend the morning at home, playing with toys and in the garden if it's nice weather. Then in the afternoon we will usually go for a long walk in the pram and sometimes go to the playground.

He used to like a lot of sleep but seems to need less all of a sudden!

My little one was a late walker and about that age was difficult to put down for a nap, some days she even went without, however once she started walking she now has about an hour and half/two hour nap every day so honestly I think this is just a funny in between time where they just aren’t doing all the activities yet that warrant the extra sleep that other babies might need. What is his mood if he hasn’t slept, because if he seems happy enough I really wouldn’t stress yourself out.

@orangebuttons give him a few days in the new routine and the nap length might change. Did you get him up right away when he woke? Maybe try a bit of soothing/ quiet time in his bedroom for the rest of the time you want his nap for. Keep him up til 7/7.30 if you can!

He’s gone down at 7 and is obviously tired. Not crying though (yet!)

So our routine today has been:

7.15am: wake
12.25pm: sleep
1.10pm: wake
7.10pm: (hopefully) sleep!

Does that sound about right for a child his age?

@orangebuttons

He’s gone down at 7 and is obviously tired. Not crying though (yet!)

So our routine today has been:

7.15am: wake
12.25pm: sleep
1.10pm: wake
7.10pm: (hopefully) sleep!

Does that sound about right for a child his age?

Mine is a couple of weeks older than yours and its pretty similar to what we do here

@Letsallscreamatthesistene good to know, thank you. Does yours wake in the night at all? DS rarely does now unless he’s coldy or teething.

Though it turns out I spoke too soon earlier - he’s still awake…!

[quote orangebuttons]@Letsallscreamatthesistene good to know, thank you. Does yours wake in the night at all? DS rarely does now unless he’s coldy or teething.

Though it turns out I spoke too soon earlier - he’s still awake…![/quote]
Not unless hes teething or ill tbh

That sounds good @orangebuttons! Well done!

I agree with PPs, you'll probably find he'll nap for longer once he's walking and burning off more energy. A few days of earlier waking will help build up the need for a longer nap too. Stick to your guns and wake him at your new routine time tomorrow morning.

My DD is 16 months and her routine is:
7/7.15am wake
Weekdays nap about 12-1
Weekends nap for up to 2 hours between 12-3
In bed by about 6.50 and usually asleep by 7pm

Thanks @PeacefulInTheDeep - glad to know I’m on the right track! He finally dropped off at 7.50pm

Seems like an early bedtime to me. Some babies / toddlers need less sleep than average.

My DS is 19 months but since around 11 months wakes around 06:30am, has a nap around 11am for 1.5hrs and then goes to bed around 1845/1900 ish.

Your little one is waking 2 hours later but going to bed earlier.

Could you try a later bed time and see if it helps?

Additionally my 2.5yr old niece still has longer naps and earlier bed time than him. Both are never woken and left to wake naturally etc. It just varies so much.

I've just seen he's not walking yet, could he just be about to do that developmental leap? It's definitely a thing that sleep goes to shit when big things are on the horizon.

Well done @orangebuttons!