Now dreading holiday with extended family

[HR313]

It was my dads 60th birthday in may and my step mum had kindly invited myself, my OH and 4 yr old along with her own son and daughter and her fiancée. She moved the holiday to July due to the ongoing restrictions etc. We are going to Center Parcs for a weekend break and we can now start booking activities.

I’m almost 30 weeks pregnant and not sure if it’s hormones and tiredness with looking after a 4 year old but my step sister is also bringing her dog along and we can’t get into the lodge until 4pm. We’ve booked a swimming slot for 3:30-5:30pm on the day we arrive - so she will still be able to join us once she’s left the dog at the lodge. However, her and her fiancé, my step mum and dad are going to the spa on another day. That leaves one swim slot left as we are only allocated 2 slots during our break. I logged onto our shared itinerary this morning to find my step mum has booked a swimming slot from 5:30-7:30pm on the Saturday!! I mentioned to her several times that my daughter has dinner at 6pm and we do bath/bedtime routine and she’s normally asleep by 8:30pm… am I being unreasonable in asking her to change to another day (unfortunately apart from the Monday we leave all the day time slots have already gone). I’m feeling really hurt and upset by this as she’s not taken into account I have a young child to sort out. They also never asked me or my partner if we wanted to book ourselves into the spa (whilst they have our daughter for a few hrs - not that I would go as can’t use many of the facilities due to being pregnant but still I always think it’s the thought that counts!) I’m not expecting them to care for our daughter whilst we are away but it would be nice for me and OH to have some time along together before the baby number arrives. I’m feeling really upset about it all. I hope I don’t come across as ungrateful though as it’s not the case - just feel disappointed my daughter hasn’t been taken into consideration with regards to timings of certain activities.

Nah you're not being unreasonable at all OP, especially as everything feels heightened when you're pregnant! The pool is one the best parts of centre parcs, it's the bit my toddler DD absolutely loved. It's a bit shit that this is a family holiday to celebrate your dads 60th and you've not been asked or taken into consideration. I would definitely mention and push for the fact that the pool is brilliant for kids, and your 4 year old will be sad to miss out! As for the spa, maybe ask them? The worst they can do is say no.

Thank you for being kind - just glad it doesn’t sound too unreasonable of me. I’ve text my dad this morning to see if they can get the slot moved to the Monday morning.

We went at xmas and my daughter loved the kids water park and she’s so excited to be going again. It kind of feels like it’s going to be a separate holiday with me, my OH and daughter and then my step mum, dad etc.

Families eh?!

Slightly off topic but I don’t think you are supposed to leave dogs unattended in the chalet

If all the day time slots are taken how can she change it??

I'd be tempted, but I wouldn't be brave enough.

There are day time slots available for the Monday (the day we leave) in the morning and afternoon.

To be honest I couldn’t care less about the dog I don’t know why they can’t have put it in a kennel - it’s caused us so many issues so far.

@AdoptedBumpkin

I'd be tempted, but I wouldn't be brave enough.

Wrong thread

But you'll be on holiday. I think it's unrealistic to expect to stick to your child's usual schedule especially when holidaying with others. I took mine abroad at that age and we'd be out till late evening, he'd just have a long afternoon nap to make up for the later nights or a nap in a buggy. I think you're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Op she doesn’t have young children. Cut her some slack.

Hmmm unless there is a load of unspoken subtext, I'm not seeing any cause to be upset here, it doesn't sound like anything has been done maliciously.

Swimming slots for anything are being booked up fast atm. Isn't it likely that she's booked the best slot still available? No one wants to swim on the day you leave when you've all packed up. I would assume your daughter's routine could bend just for once, on holiday. Plus do a quick tea when you're out of the pool at 7.30 and you can still have her in bed for 8.30.

We've just been there - be aware that you're meant to show up pool ready and there's no access to showers or hairdressers there - you have to be out of the lodge by 10am on departure day so may be a bit miserable if you have a long drive home!

If you can't change it, do big lunch/snacky tea as soon as you get back from swimming and slightly later bed for DD.

With regards to the spa, yes it would have been nice for you to have been asked but you're not there for long and ultimately if you want to go you might have to book treatments etc at different times to DH like me and my DH did (went on our own with 19 month old DD and had some family time, some solo activities with the other one looking after DD/doing an activity with her). If you have any of the kids activities booked that need a parent there they only let one parent with them, so the other could do something solo in that time?

@Toty

But you'll be on holiday. I think it's unrealistic to expect to stick to your child's usual schedule especially when holidaying with others. I took mine abroad at that age and we'd be out till late evening, he'd just have a long afternoon nap to make up for the later nights or a nap in a buggy. I think you're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Agree with this! let the bed, bath, dinner routine go on holidays, it's really not a big deal at all. go swimming til 645/7, then have dinner and put to bed whenever

I think the thing with these breaks is sometimes you have to compromise.

You booked one swim at a time that suits you. She will have to get into lodge, settle dog, get back to pool, might get an hour at best. Cars will still need sorted later, even getting out at 5.30 you will be pushing it to get tea for 6pm.

Slots are had to get at good times just now. You really have to log in at 7am four weeks before.

Monday isn't going to work for her either. Where does dog go then? You have to be out lodge. So she misses both really.

I think 5.30 on a holiday is ok. Early tea, out pool, snack and bed.

We did this as a weekend with friends just before lockdown. Dd was 1. The Saturday night we had to go to the Italian for anniversary meal for them. It was hard, it was far to late, she was tired, but it was one night.

The spa thing I think you just need to ask. Or look at crèche ages to see if that's an option. I did read somewhere if you call and prove pregnancy you get a half price spa as can't use much.

To balance that, I do think it's a shame they didn't ask you to join the spa arrangements - though perhaps knowing you and your DD wouldn't be able to, they decided best to leave it.

I also think the dog should go into kennels and it'll be a pain to work around having the dog there. But the swimming stuff I would try to just roll with.

We’re fairly strict with routines for our kids (6 and 3) but in that situation I’d just roll with the 5.30 swim slot. Feed kids snack before and after and straight into bed. Meal times would probably be different anyway cos it’s a holiday so it would work out. Mine usually go to bed around 7/7.30 and I’d do it, so for an 8.30 bedtime one off I’d have no issue with it. Assuming that was the only slot she could get. The morning you leave will be a pain so I can see why she wouldn’t want to go then.

I do agree it would be nice to be asked though. And invited to the spa.

Hopefully they’ll take your DD to the playground or something for a couple of hours so you get some peace

I think you can fuss about these things and let it spoil your weekend, or roll with it and have a great time

Your dd doesn't need to stick to a rigid routine that one evening. Go for the swim and don't cause an issue about it. Or else you stay back with your dd if you feel so strongly about her routine. On holidays ours never went to bed early as that's part of the novelty of being away.

It’s a holiday, a break from routine! Surely it’ll be exciting for your DD to go for a late swim and stay up late for one night.

I think you’re overthinking this. As you say, she was kind for inviting you along but it doesn’t mean she also has to plan the whole group’s every minute around you.

You're on holiday. Can't she just stay up a bit later that one night and skip a bath?

Fyi we're at centre parcs with a 3yo and she was in the hot tub with us all until 8pm.

All the people saying… let the routine go.

Not great with young children. You end up paying for it the next day! I always used to largely stick to same routine. I never expected others to bend to my routine on holiday but my children were my priority and if that meant I wanted to feed and bathe then before 8, then that is what i would do. Accepting I sometimes missed out.

In this scenario I would book the seining slot for my child at the earlier time that works around here bedtime but I would never kick up a fuss if others wants to do the later skit. You’re there for a week. Lots of family times

It’s not all about you or your routine. It’s a group holiday so it’s likely compromise will need to be made by all parties who are going

But if your step mum has constructed a routine for every waking hour of the holiday (some people do ) then that sounds excessive

Thanks for all the comments/replies. I’ve spoken to my dad, who was more than happy to change the slot to Monday but I’ve said that we will come along to the later slot on the Saturday and if my daughter gets too tired we will get out earlier as someone suggested. I’ll also give her a more filling lunch before we go. Hopefully we can still get her to bed by her usual time. I’m not for a second suggested my family make allowances for us but being pregnant with a 4 yr old I think some compromises do have to be made.

Children on holiday = routine out the window.
It's short term and you should try and just enjoy the time together and then get back in to routines once home. I do think it unreasonable to get upset over extended family not offering to look after your child, nice if they offer but otherwise your job to work around them.