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Original poster

Would you be happy with DP taking DS abroad?

33 replies

takemebackto2006 · 29/06/2021 22:14

DP's parents live in Cyprus. DP hasn't seen them since early 2020 and his dad has been diagnosed with cancer in that time.
He's going over to see them and is taking DS (4) - I'm 28 weeks pregnant and COVID aside have had hyperemesis so I couldn't think of anything worse than travelling and being away from home.
I'm uneasy about him taking DS as things are and that fact I have to leave the house while they isolate meaning I won't see them for around 18 days in total.
My mum said she can't believe I'm letting him take DS, but when I've said before I'm not happy it just causes far too much of a row and he says he'll take him anyway.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Clickbait · 29/06/2021 22:16

Your last line is the most worrying part of your post. I was thinking it sounded fine until then.

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 29/06/2021 22:24

If you both can't agree that he should go then he shouldn't go. I know he's also the parent but I just know I wouldn't have been able to let that happen when my kids were that age.
Also, you shouldn't be scared to voice your opinion. This doesn't sound healthy.

coco123456789 · 29/06/2021 22:27

Why do you need to leave the house while they isolate?
I can see your DH’s point of view that he wants his family to see your son. Also, isn’t it nice for you to have a break on your own if you’ve been ill?

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MrsFin · 29/06/2021 22:29

Why don't you want DH to take your (joint) child to see his grandparents?

Is there a back story you haven't mentioned?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/06/2021 22:31

Tbf I'd be pissed off if my dh said no if I wanted to take our child on a holiday they weren't coming on.

What is the concern with him taking ds?

motogogo · 29/06/2021 22:31

I think it's important your dc sees his paternal grandparents, obviously he sees far more of your family due to proximity. There's no rule you have to move out whilst they isolate but there's a risk you could catch it from them if they are infected of course

BashStreet1 · 29/06/2021 22:33

Sounds like there's a big back story here?

Not sure why anyone would usually have an issue with dad taking his child to visit their GPs especially if one of the GPs is unwell?

And I'm not sure why you'd have to move out while they isolate?

Aquamarine1029 · 29/06/2021 22:35

I'm thinking there's a lot you're not telling us.

AdriannaP · 29/06/2021 22:36

You don’t have to isolate when they do! I returned from
An amber country and my DH and DC didn’t have to isolate. My family live in a different country and I completely understand that DH wants to see his parents especially given the circumstances. Also your DS should see his GP. YABU

coco123456789 · 29/06/2021 22:37

I am just thinking how unusual it is for MN that your DH is capable of taking his son away by himself! Make the most of it I would, have the opportunity for a rest before the baby comes.

AdriannaP · 29/06/2021 22:37

Not sure why you need to listen to your DM, if the situation was reverse I am sure she’d love DGS to visit. Her judgment seems clouded as she can see him more often.

RandomMess · 29/06/2021 22:37

What are your concerns about your DP looking after his child?

Yika · 29/06/2021 22:38

I also don't understand why you don't want your partner to take your / his child to visit his parents. What's the concern? Why is your mother concerned? Is it because he is young, and perhaps not been away from you before?

AdriannaP · 29/06/2021 22:39

To add I have taken DC abroad to see my family and would be very upset if my DH would consider “not letting me” seeing family is very important especially now that’s so difficult.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 29/06/2021 22:39

Your mum needs to keep her interfering beak out tbh.

Your partner hasnt seen his parents for a long time and one of them is ill. He has every right to take his son to see them

MsMeNz · 29/06/2021 22:41

Yes that last line is scary.
I don't know what to advise tbh other than you go too.
I have 'let' DH take a one of our kids to other side of world for weeks at a time over the years. But if he'd ever said anything like that to me I don't know that I would. Tricky one. I'd check laws with Cyprus if he did a runner or if he'd be likely to go else where he has connections.

coco123456789 · 29/06/2021 22:43

Think that’s an unnecessarily dramatic reaction to the last line. I think he just means he needs to put his foot down over this.

caringcarer · 29/06/2021 22:44

OP do you fear he won't bring your son home when he is supposed to? If you have worries about this then hide his passport. If you don't have worries his Dad will bring him back on agreed date what is the problem? Do you think his Dad won't care for him properly. He could ring you everyday he is away if you wanted. Has your son ever been away from you before? Are you worried he will be upset without you? There must be some reason it upsets you so much.

Louieee · 29/06/2021 22:53

My DH does it I'm fine with it. I've joined him before, but big family and I don't want to waste my annual leave etc. Whenever I go they expect me to look after kids and cook and help clean.. whereas if he goes alone they look after him and the kids...and he still works remotely.

They can isolate with you in the house on return, why do you have to leave the house?

Sylvan92 · 29/06/2021 23:00

Seeing dgps is important but the DM’s health comes first. I’m quite shocked you’re in this position tbh.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 29/06/2021 23:15

MsMe if my dp ever tried stopping me taking our dc somewhere that ' last line' is exactly the line I'd use!

I'd also fully expect him to say it if I had the audacity to try and ' pull rank' over him when he hadn't been able to see an ill and elderly family member for such a long time.💁🏻

AprilAzpilicueta · 29/06/2021 23:29

I would hate to be away from my child for that long but I think I'd try to be unselfish and think about the benefits of the visit to my child and their grandparents.
Could you stay in the house when they isolate on return but just get them to do a PCR on re-entry and LFTs every day so you can be as confident as possible that they don't have it?

BelgianWaffles · 29/06/2021 23:57

Of course your DH should go with your DS - they’re not going for weeks, your DS needs to see his grandparents and your DH his parents.

Why do you need to leave the house while they isolate? The rule is that they isolate but you can stay at home and go out as normal.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 30/06/2021 00:13

just because he is so young I'd say no.
it's a lovely thought to say good bye but a 4yo won't remember and they won't understand what's happening.
sorry, but don't see the point and I couldn't make my kids see a dying person.

I think it'd be much better for your DP to be able to go on his own, deal with whatever, grieve, help & sort stuff without a young child in tow.

obv I can only see from a practical point of view.

very sorry you are in this situation x

Namenic · 30/06/2021 01:43

Took 4 year old and 7 year old to see a terminally ill relative abroad. Have lovely memories, photos and videos. Kids talk about it fondly and remember different parts.

Is there a particular thing you are worried about OP, or is it just the time away from your child?

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