If your parents/in laws live close by, do they take your children for sleepovers and how often?

[Jellybelly882]

I am late twenties and I’m lucky to have both my mum and dad (early 50s) and my mother and father in law (early 60s).

I have 2 children and my husband works away for long periods of time, for example he has only been home for around 4/5 weeks since Christmas time.

Both of our parents live within a 5 minute drive but never offer to have our children (or 1 child) overnight. Whenever I ask there is usually an excuse. I only ever ask if I’m struggling and really feel like I need a break.

I know I made the decision to have children and they don’t need to offer, I just thought they would want to? I would be the first to say if my children were a handful but they really aren’t, and would love a sleepover. They are ages 4 and 7 and great sleepers too.

Dd17 stays at my parents fairly frequently. Especially, this academic year as mum and dad live about half a mile from her college. So she often just walks there and then decides she is staying if she has an early class.

I have an odd relationship with mum and dad. They were pretty terrible parents but proved themselves as grandparents. They made a room 'her room' and have clothes, toiletries etc for her.

My ds (10) rarely stays, through choice. He doesn't like staying out of the house. He doesn't even stay at his dad's anymore (whole other story) and prefers being here. But he does really love my dad so we ensure he spends time with him each week.

Mine are tweens now but have been staying over since they were toddlers.

I pick up my oldest grandaughter from school twice a week and take her to her activities then home....I take her to school once a week....my partner looks after the children every Saturday morning for 5 hours as parents work....I very rarely have them overnight unless their parents especially ask for a special occasion.....my daughter will often come and stay overnight with one or 2 of them...that’s fine as she’s the one who gets up at 5.30am with them....not me...... I will also look after them for a couple of hours during the week so parents can do a food shop on their own or clean the house without the kids under their feet.
Overnights are exhausting I find and I’m 55 not 75

Neither set of my parents have ever offered and they both live close by. My mum has had my DD for one night but I asked many weeks in advance and it was an exceptional situation.

They do daytime childcare for her though. To be honest I can understand why they wouldn't want her overnight. It's mainly just bedtime routine then a very early start plus the potential risk of an overnight wake (not that she does it very often).

I think this is one of those situations where it depends what you know. I never stayed with my own grandparents overnight but they did have us regularly in the days.

My own parents are no longer around and DPs probably would struggle.

My parents do whenever I ask, but they are very hands on grandparents.

I’d say once every couple of months for a weekend or so. More if I have events, work or a wedding to go to.

They do all the daytime childcare I need and love having him but they rarely have him overnight as he pisses about up and down until 11pm. It’s a) the excitement of something different and b) because they let him! If I was desperate they would but he doesn’t like staying out any more. Lot of change and his dad has a new house, which unsettled him. I had to collect him from my mums at 10pm last time.

My parents live 2 miles away and have never had my children over night.

They are working full time still and like their weekends to themselves. They invite us all over for dinner on a Sunday but wouldn’t have my children without me being there too unless it was an emergency.

If I want to go out then they would come to my house and watch the children there until I am back.

My DM has my oldest one night over the weekend or if it's the summer holidays and she has time off work she might ask for a couple of nights but I very rarely ask DM for childcare. Youngest DC is to small to stay out yet

My kids have never slept at my parents’ house. My mum has sometimes babysat them overnight at our house. (Maybe 3 times in a decade). My in-laws (not local whereas my parents are) have had them twice overnight.

Pre covid, both my parents and PILs would have my DC overnight for a few nights a year in the school holidays, to help me and DH out with the headache of covering holiday childcare.

My DC’s grandparents lived near us, but rarely did sleepovers. Maybe if we were out late or overnight for a special occasion, but they were always delivered back to us the next morning! I don’t think my children were particularly difficult, so I’m sure that’s not why. My DC loved their grandparents but preferred to be home overnight, and we preferred them being home, although I could have done with the odd night off when they were tiny and kept me up all night. I used to fantasise about a night alone in a hotel!

This makes me think about something else. I’ve spoken to three women recently who have told me that their children spend every weekend with their grandparents, and the parents hardly see the children over the weekend. Is this a thing? It’s completely new to me, but they talked about it as if it was quite normal.

My mum and PiL live about 30min drive away but it would never cross my mind to ask. My mum might agree for a specific occasion (like if we were at a wedding) but I would never ask the in laws - they're too old. My DH has said he wouldn't leave our toddler alone with them and I respect that.

I grew up 15 mins away from my grandparents and they never even babysat for an evening let alone have us overnight. We just didn't have that kind of relationship, so I suppose I don't have any expectations of my own mum in that way.

Tbh I prefer being self sufficient. It's easier than having to navigate difficult family dynamics.

My mum would, but then she’d spend every second with her grandchild if she could. Under normal circumstances it’s nit so begging I’d expect a grandparent to offer unprompted. If you were really desperate and asked then maybe...

*not something I’d expect.

Please get an edit function mumsnet...

My mum lives locally and went part time when DS was a baby. She had him 2 days a week and sometimes overnight when I had a very early start. She also had DD for one day a week when she was born.

She offered to have both overnight so that we could have occasional weekends away.

She always offered, we didn't ask.

We have never had dh's gs overnight...he's 5. Happily have him for a few hours every couple of months but neither of us relish more than that.

My husband is military and away a lot, we have 5 children and over 32wk pregnant too. Neither side of the family offer to take the kids off my hands. My mum is pretty good if I need her to look after the kids for appointments etc. I only ask for help if I can't work things around school hours. We have the odd night out when he's home and my parents will come and sit with the kids for a few hours. When we just had 1 - 3 my parents would have them over night and did take them on holiday sometimes. It's hard for people now there are so many though so I completely understand the lack of offers.

Since dd was born she has stayed with my inlaws overnight once a week.
They live 40 mins away. When she started school she would stay over at the weekend and go on holiday with them.
She also stays over with my siblings regularly.

My FIL lives in the same town and has DD over for sleepovers fairly often, maybe once a month or two, but that's because his youngest daughter is just a couple of years older than DD and they are friends so its whenever they want a sleepover together. But I've got a much younger DS who doesn't go to the sleepovers so break any more (the last overnight break was when he was born and FIL took care of DD while me and OH were in the hospital)