If your parents/in laws live close by, do they take your children for sleepovers and how often?

[Jellybelly882]

I am late twenties and I’m lucky to have both my mum and dad (early 50s) and my mother and father in law (early 60s).

I have 2 children and my husband works away for long periods of time, for example he has only been home for around 4/5 weeks since Christmas time.

Both of our parents live within a 5 minute drive but never offer to have our children (or 1 child) overnight. Whenever I ask there is usually an excuse. I only ever ask if I’m struggling and really feel like I need a break.

I know I made the decision to have children and they don’t need to offer, I just thought they would want to? I would be the first to say if my children were a handful but they really aren’t, and would love a sleepover. They are ages 4 and 7 and great sleepers too.

My dc are grown now, and sadly my parents died when my dc were very little, but the in laws never had them overnight, no, except individually (so we still needed to find other people for the other dc) once, when we went to a wedding). Nor would they babysit.

@Mintyt

I have mine A LOT, for support, because we wanted them, because they wanted to stay, the younger ones stay a lot because the parents needed a break. But sometimes I say to my H no children this weekend. Lols

You sound like my mum lol. My parents are great and prior to covid took my dd every other weekend along with my niece, but my mum likes to have the weekend in between free lol. We Would be lost without them. We live about 45 minutes away from so don't see them daily, but if we did and my dd wanted to go to their house or we needed help my parents would happily step in. I don't expect it of them but I am very grateful that I have them.

Ive got to say not keen on having babies for a sleepover, as a previous poster said my days of coping with no sleep are over. I have looked after baby grandchild overnight on a very odd occasion. Now that grandchild is at school, it's much easier re sleepovers as they sleep all night now. As you get older you really cannot cope with no sleep, esp having health issues too.

My mother has never taken any of my DC for even a half hour. She lives down the road from me. It doesn't bother me. I do notice it and find it odd that she wouldn't want to.

My mum is very involved in my dc's lives. She had my first born to sleep over before he was a month old because I was struggling with pnd. She then had him, and my smaller two when born, periodically over night, something like once a week. She is very maternal, had them all for varying numbers of days a week when pre school. Count myself very lucky!

My dgcs live quite near and if there is an overnight needed we stay in their house . My other dgs comes each weekend and his dad takes care of him. They all sleep through the night. It is our pleasure to look after them when needed.

PIL had both DC overnight about once a month pre-Covid. Since then they've had DD on own several times, DS on his own once & both only once.
We're hoping they'll have them both again soon - but DS is at an awkward age in terms of transitioning from cot to bed.
They look after DS twice a week; & have DD for INSET days & in holidays.
They're both over 70 but love having them - I think!

I'm a few years away from grandchildren (hopefully), but I really hope to be able to give my DC a break by having their children to stay from time to time.

I didn't have that support when I brought them up and I know how hard it was and how much better my marriage would have been if we'd had the odd night for just the two of us.

Also - you only really get to know children when you spend quite a bit of time with them - and I would look forward to that relationship as a grandparent without the hard graft of 24/7 parenting.

My ds spends at least one night a week with my parents. My dad would have him move in permanently if he had the option😂

He has also had sleep overs at my in-laws previously but not at often.

My dd has had a couple at my parents and my sisters but she isn't as happy about being away from home.

I think if GP want to have children over that's great but it can't be expected.

My PILs live a 5 minute drive away. Have had DS one night while I had DD and still haven’t stopped telling me how full on he is 4 months later. He’s 4 and it was his first sleepover but whatever
They’ve never so much as watched him for an evening and won’t.
My DDAD unfortunately I don’t trust him to watch my children even though he would if I asked. If my DM was still around she would be asking to have them all the time.

Nope. My in laws are nearby and think that popping in for coffee, cake and a chat when it suits them makes them the most helpful grandparents in the world ever.

They’ve never had the kids overnight, never offered, and even last summer only had them for one afternoon whilst we both worked.

No. They live an hour plus away and I've taken them to visit every other month or so. The boys have slept over once.

MIL most likely would not want to but has said she is happy to babysit DD9months if we need it. On the other hand, my mum/dad/sibling have been asking non stop when DD will be old enough to come over for sleeps. It won't be until she's a year old I reckon but then they will be happy to.

Mine live a couple of miles away and help out a lot during the day - looking after them if I have an appointment, taking them to sports clubs, occasional school pick ups.
They only sleep over rarely though - I think a couple of years ago when we went away for the weekend. Before that was a couple of years before when I was in hospital having a baby.

No help here.

I mean possibly if I’d asked them about my labour plans for my subsequent DC maybe they’d have grudgingly offered, but there was never an offer. Luckily my children were born daytime with no complications (and we had back ups from friends).

Although we have a spare room, the only time they’ve stayed they brought their motorhome, parked in the drive, and sent me a message when the children were “welcome”. That was 10am. The children had all been up for 4 hours and two of them hardly slept.

Never. I'd not let my mum (big backstory) and my (now ex) mil was taken up by with looking after DN much of the time, so she was too tired for the others (I don't criticise this. It was necessary and I would have done the same).

Until Ex and I split up, the DC were never, ever not with me. I've never been able to afford a babysitter AND to do something out. I get break now when they're with Ex.

My elderly grandad did stay at mine as birth childcare though actually. Until he was 5, that was the longest time (9 hours) I was ever without DS. It wasn't great.

No, my parents are older than yours and have health problems so wouldn't be able to manage our two overnight.

When we only had one DC (and they were a little younger), they had her overnight a few times. She was a good sleeper though and probably wasn't too much trouble.

In laws - about 2/3 times a year overnight for weddings or other events. They do ad hoc babysitting usually once or twice a month for me too. They look after my niece and nephew a few times a week too so it adds up and my two are a bit younger so harder work!

DP - never overnight as they are both in poor health so need a good night sleep. DM looks after baby for an hour a week while I take DD to gymnastics.

My DC are adults now,but when they were younger my parents would have them overnight if DH and I had a function which meant we would be home very late.My in-laws stayed an hours drive away and had DC for a few days during school holidays.

My kids are adults now but my parents used to have my first DC one a week usually (they were in their 40's). With my second DC parents were 15 yrs older and had 2nd DC about once every 3 months. They would have had DC more but I wasn't going out so much.

All live within 5 miles. My parents occasionally have DD to sleep over when she asks, she’s 8.
My boys have never slept over anywhere (3&2) but I haven’t needed them too.
Never had any offers but don’t think they should have too.

@HoppingHamster this is normal grandparent visiting isn’t it? I think it sounds lovely they come for coffee & cake.

We have family locally who help out loads with childcare. But we never ask for overnight. That's a bit much IMO.

My parents will come to our house to watch them while we go out for the evening, but we always come back home that evening (or the early hours).

I appreciate you're on your own with them loads, but I have kids similar ages (6 and 8) and I'm not really sure how much of a break you need. Mine generally entertain themselves now.

Pre COVID, about once a fortnight! Split between both sets who both live 5 mins away. We are very lucky. They love having them and missed them so much over lockdown.
They’ve been a couple of times since the GPs were vaccinated but still taking things slowly due to risk of variants etc.