4 month old baby - sleep training? Any advice

[Zipfer]

Hello, I'm sure this has been done several times, but keen to get some advice.

Our DS, born 4.5 months ago, but 6 weeks early. He's doing brilliantly. Our doctor (not in UK, so slightly different health check system) has suggested it is time for "sleep training".

The problem we have is getting him to sleep rather than staying asleep (he can now sleep for 7 hours). If we put him to bed, say goodnight, and leave the room, he tends to cry and get himself very upset.

Me and DW struggling with the perennial question of how much crying is ok, how can we get him to settle on his own, is he too young, are we going to damage him if we leave him to cry too long? (We're also getting in-law advice that is that crying is good for the lungs).

Generally, holding him and rocking him to sleep works well, but we want to avoid that approach in the long-term.

Can anyone offer advice on getting a youngish baby to sleep and forming a nice healthy pattern? Thanks a lot.

Far too small for “training” and especially for crying it out! That’s just cruel….I’m sorry, but it is.
Your preemie isn’t 18 weeks old, they’re 12 weeks (you correct their age until they’re 2).

Crying is good for a baby when they first come out of the uterus to clear their lungs but that is in the first few minutes, after that it’s not good for them and only serves to alter parents that they have a problem and need some help.

I’m not a fan of sleep training but it’s a very personal issue. There are theories that crying can cause long term negative effect on brain development. But these will only ever remain theories as it’s unethical to do a study as it would mean encourage parents to do something which may potentially be damaging. Durham university have done lots of research into infant sleep and they have a website which is designed to explain their findings to parents.

People who sleep training often start at 12 months, others at 6 months although I believe this is nolonger recommended. I’ve never hear of anyone in the U.K. asleep training as young as 4 months.

7 hours is a great length of sleep for such a young baby. Sleep isn’t linear, it seems to get better and then worse and you teething to come which often disrupts sleep because babies are in pain. Are the formula feed or breast feed?

You will get given so much conflicting advice about sleep but ultimately it’s done to how you want to parent. Cosleeping is the norm in many countries. When my daughter started school nursery at 3 about half the kids were still cuddled to sleep, now they are 5 only a few are.

I’ve just seen they are not at the corrected age of 4 months. You haven’t hit the 4 month sleep regression yet. Things may dramatically change in the next couple of weeks and this is normal.

Far too young for sleep training yet! As hard as it is babies are designed to wake up for many different reasons. Please don't leave him to cry for any length of time, cuddle him, feed him, rock him as he demands at this young age 😊 I know how exhausting it is! I have a 12 month old and I would do anything for a full nights sleep but unfortunately that's not going to happen yet but it will do one day.

Thanks, I was also concerned that it was too early for sleep training. But it has been suggested by our paediatrician. Which confused me. We're naturally worried about getting it wrong.

By the way, our son is breastfed, but (also different system), DW is back to work, so he is partially bottle fed on breastmilk.

Remember medical professionals make suggestions and as a parent you decide what’s right for your child. In the U.K. you would only see a paediatrician if your child was ill or have developmental issues. You would have access to a health visitor who is a midwife or nurse with additional training to support families with under 5s and they would offer sleep advice if you wanted but they would give options not tell you what to do. When it comes to sleep - have a a good routine but respond to your child and be willing to adapt it when needed. Remember holding your child is always a good thing.

One of the most helpful things I read recently was that parents often want to change sleep arrangements as they're worried about the future, not about the present, but - you don't know what the future holds. If what you're doing is working now, why worry? If it stops working (for either you or the baby), THAT's when you change things.

4 months is too young to sleep train, and especially as your baby is actually 12 weeks corrected age. The "crying being good for the lungs" is bollocks, but to be fair to your in-laws it is advice that used to be trotted out even though it's nonsense

Whether it's cruel or not it's a waste of time this young. You can't do a lot to influence sleep at this age. Maybe try being quieter and darker at night to teach them the difference between day and night but don't expect much.

Thanks, just wanted to point out where we are (Switzerland), a paediatrician is the standard approach (you have a 1 month check, 2 months check, 3 months, 4 months, 6 months, etc).

It is never "time for sleep training".
It sounds like you're already very fortunate if you are getting 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep with such a tiny baby. You do not need to leave a 4 month old baby to fall asleep alone.

And "crying is good for the lungs" sounds like the sort of nonsense that parents tell themselves so they don't feel guilty for leaving an infant alone to scream until they are so exhausted that they fall asleep or just accept that nobody is coming so they might as well stop crying.

He’s way too young for sleep training. It’s developmentally normal for babies that young to need help falling asleep.

It seems paediatricians in Switzerland start a lot of things a bit earlier than in the UK. We will have our 4 month appointment in 2 weeks. My daughter was 3 weeks early so not premature but early. I know the doctor already wants to discuss starting with some simple vegetables. Perhaps they have same early approach to sleep training. We are going to listen to what she has to say but ultimately see when we feel ready ;)

It seems paediatricians in Switzerland start a lot of things a bit earlier than in the UK. We will have our 4 month appointment in 2 weeks.

Yes, we were advised at the four month check to start on vegetables.

@WavesAndLeaves

One of the most helpful things I read recently was that parents often want to change sleep arrangements as they're worried about the future, not about the present, but - you don't know what the future holds. If what you're doing is working now, why worry? If it stops working (for either you or the baby), THAT's when you change things.

4 months is too young to sleep train, and especially as your baby is actually 12 weeks corrected age. The "crying being good for the lungs" is bollocks, but to be fair to your in-laws it is advice that used to be trotted out even though it's nonsense

I think this is such good advice.

We constantly worry ‘but what if it creates a habit/they keep needing this help’ but realistically, a child is very unlikely to need holding/cuddling/rocking to sleep FOREVER. Same goes for helping them to eat, get dressed, bathe, walk, play etc. At some point the child normally wants to do it for themselves. It’s incredibly tiring whilst they are dependent on us for anything, but one day they will be independent and not need us for much at all.

We did sleep training at 5.5 months. No regrets. We didn’t do it because of a 4 month regression - we did it because he had never got a sufficient amount of sleep since birth, was clearly miserable, and to continue to do nothing began to feel irresponsible.

So my advice would always be: do what you feel comfortable with and what you think is best for your child.

He's four months old. Sleep training is cruel and ineffective.

@roarfeckingroarr

He's four months old. Sleep training is cruel and ineffective.

“Cruel” is a judgement call you’re entitled to, but it certainly isn’t “ineffective” for many patents regardless of this forum’s perverse moral panic.

I would have expected Switzerland to be a bit more child friendly... I am in Germany and we also see a paediatrician for these checks. I've never ever been told to sleep train and when they asked if he goes to sleep by himself age 2 I said "No, but it's not a problem" and my doctor just smiled and said OK.

There does seem to be a anglophone/euro split on sleep training. It seems to be quite common in France and the Netherlands

There are studies that show that babies don’t have the part of the brain to regulate their own emotions, especially that young. If your baby doesn’t have the temperament to settle down on their own then sleep training won’t teach them to, it’ll just teach them that no one comes when they cry for help. It’s a big no from me full stop. Cuddle and rock them to sleep as much as you wish to, it won’t last forever

Sounds like a miserable business for all of you. Breast feed on demand, enjoy the time together. They find their own way. Solids at four months sounds too early to me. Six months here, starting with veg and fruit. Happily in their own beds by a year or so.

It does seem quite early in Switzerland. I get the impression that unless one is talking extreme measures, I doubt it makes much of a difference in the long run either way. At least that’s what I’ve read. But it does seem horrible to leave a child to cry, even if only for a few minutes

I think you're probably right about it not mattering much in the long run either way, as long as you're not doing anything extreme, but if you don't feel it's the right thing for your family at this time, then it might be reassuring to read that it's uncommon to the point of being frowned upon in plenty of other countries such as the UK (although it did used to be common here), Germany and Sweden (off the top of my head - I'm sure there are more). And certainly the babies in all these countries aren't growing up chronically sleep deprived or suffering in any way from not having been sleep trained at four months old :)