4 month old baby - sleep training? Any advice

[Zipfer]

Hello, I'm sure this has been done several times, but keen to get some advice.

Our DS, born 4.5 months ago, but 6 weeks early. He's doing brilliantly. Our doctor (not in UK, so slightly different health check system) has suggested it is time for "sleep training".

The problem we have is getting him to sleep rather than staying asleep (he can now sleep for 7 hours). If we put him to bed, say goodnight, and leave the room, he tends to cry and get himself very upset.

Me and DW struggling with the perennial question of how much crying is ok, how can we get him to settle on his own, is he too young, are we going to damage him if we leave him to cry too long? (We're also getting in-law advice that is that crying is good for the lungs).

Generally, holding him and rocking him to sleep works well, but we want to avoid that approach in the long-term.

Can anyone offer advice on getting a youngish baby to sleep and forming a nice healthy pattern? Thanks a lot.

www.parentingscience.com/Ferber-method.html
I found this article really helpful when I found myself under a lot of pressure to let DD1 cry it out. It's really balanced and talks about the pros and the cons of it and when it's appropriate to do, and also some alternatives if you decide it's not for you.

There’s a sliding scale of sleep training before you get to ‘cry it out’. There are various other approaches you can take that are less extreme.

In my antenatal group there were two babies who were put down to sleep independently from early on. They’ve been good sleepers throughout, excepting little phases here and there.

My DD at around 4m seemed to need a short grumble before going off to sleep. I never left her crying if she was proper distressed crying but if she was just having a short-lived pre sleep grumpiness I left her to it.

Something I found helpful was to do fairly noisy chores or have a shower while DD was drifting off so that she could hear that I was around even if I wasn’t in the room. Maybe more comforting than a stark switch to silence at sleep time.

Awful

I wouldn't do cry it out if I were you. Your baby sleeps! I have a four month year old. He has reflux so is hard to settle - we are just working on doing a bit less week but week. So previously held to sleep and now he settles in his bed with a back rub and some shhhhing. In a few weeks closer to 5 months when we are in a good routine I will give him a chance to settle himself without for a couple of minutes, but no more, before helping him. Ultimately, he will get it.

Totally fine to give veg - the science does not require no feeding until 6 months and in fact there is a suggestion that alongside breastfeeding, prompt weaning helps protect against allergies. Certainly, by 6 months babies should be actually eating, not fannying around with a few bits of BLW food and dropping it on the floor for another few months (babies can of course get what they need through BLW, but it is not just "for fun" whether they do) - babies' iron stores start to run low (on average around then). People in the U.K. swallow the anti weaning line very easily but it really isn't based on anything other than the WHO guidance to BF exclusively to 6 months, which is not really about weaning but about the dangers to babies of not BF in developing countries and/or in not treating milk as the primacy source of calories at this age. Of course it is, and a couple of spoonfuls of food is neither here nor there.

I have strong beliefs about sleep training, so I won't even go there, but what I will say is the idea that you're making a rod for your own back or creating some kind of permanent sleep habit you can never come back from is ridiculous. I have done no form of sleep training with my 9mo and fed him to sleep for every nap and at bedtime until he was 6mo. One day he pushed me away after feeding and was still wide awake, so I tried putting him down in his cot happy and awake and left the room. 10 mins later he happily fell asleep, and ever since that day he has fallen asleep on his own. He now has two good naps a day and sleeps through the night. All of this happened when he was developmentally ready. I'm not saying this will happen at 6 months for everyone (it won't) but all babies will learn to put themselves to sleep and will sleep through the night eventually without sleep training.

Wow sleeping 7 hours is incredible!! So what if you have to get him to sleep first? (Of course you so btw, he's a 4 month old!)

My 3 year old still doesn't sleep that well.

Please don't sleep train, it's unnecessarily and cruel. Enjoy your lovely baby.

*unnecessary

Thanks for the comments and advice. It’s surprising how the consensus seems to be against sleep training (even if it’s a gentle form), whereas it is does seem to be the accepted way where we live.

@Zipfer

Thanks for the comments and advice. It’s surprising how the consensus seems to be against sleep training (even if it’s a gentle form), whereas it is does seem to be the accepted way where we live.

Mumsnet has a pathological hatred for it, but I wouldn’t take the mood on here as entirely indicative of the rest of the country. I know lots of British parents who’ve done it.

What about very gentle and very gradual move away from rocking to sleep? Maybe pick up/put down or sitting next to the crib shhing and patting baby's back? Or rocking til drowsy rather than fully asleep. But it does seem early for sleep training, especially for a premature baby and you are getting a decent stretch of sleep.

I did sleep train my first but not until he was fully established on solids which like others have said happens later in the UK. And he woke up at best every two hours, at worst every 40 minutes...

With my second I was just able to move gradually away from feeding him to sleep and settle with back rub or pick up if he cried then put back down again. That was probably around 4 months but he was a bigger than average full term baby.

This post makes me very sad that a pedestrian is advising parents to sleep train such a young baby. Babies don't sleep train they just learn you don't come whether they cry or not so they eventually they don't.
I could understand abit if the baby was 12 months old and waking up constantly. But so young already sleeping 7 hours a night. It's just unnecessary.
I think the fact you even posted this OP is because something is telling your this 'advice' isn't right for you or your baby.

@whatsthescoregeorgedoors The OP’s baby was premature and is only 12 weeks corrected (you correct their age until their second birthday), would you really give a 12 week old baby food?
@Zipfer does your paediatrician forget that your baby was premature? Do they have knowledge of prematurity? Does that not matter in Switzerland?

@BingBongToTheMoon

does your paediatrician forget that your baby was premature? Do they have knowledge of prematurity? Does that not matter in Switzerland?

Our Pediatrician is clearly aware of our baby being born prematurely, they understand the issues facing premature babies and of course, being born prematurely matters in Switzerland. Could it not be that our doctor is offering what is seen as the best guidance in Switzerland?

@Zipfer It could, of course, but as a preemie mum myself what you’re saying terrifies me.

Why terrifies?

@BingBongToTheMoon

Yes, the prematurity is a factor and so should have adjusted for that. My comment was aimed at those who were orifices about any weaning before 6 months. Lots of countries choose a different approach - 4 (corrected) is fine on the science.

Oh and in, say, France, maternity leave for first child is 16 weeks. So lots of working mums will be back at work around 4 months. I'm not saying that is ideal, but just that different countries will do things very differently.