Should I move back with ex for baby?

[Lgibbo64]

My ex broke up with me 5 days after I found out I was pregnant. We were together 4 years beforehand and lived together 2, no issues other than the usual couple arguments around cleaning etc. My stuff was packed up, locks were changed and I heard nothing from him.

I’m not 7 months and he’s come to his first scan, 30 weeks and he seemed to regret his actions and now wants to take responsibility… unsure if that’s in reference to me, baby or both of us.

He’s offered for me to moving back in with him for his 2 week paternity leave as I am still waiting for my delayed mortgage to go through so I may still be in my cramped mams flat. So it is to help me but understandable bond with baby also.

1. Does it sound like he wants me back?
2. Is it a good idea?

3.Even if I’m in my home should I ask him to come to mine for 2 weeks?

I’m unsure what to think, I’m defo over thinking. Any opinions? He majorly freaked out but was a decent guy before and after 6 months silence and consideration he’s back

No.

No, no and no.

No. Why on earth would you?

My stuff was packed up, locks were changed and I heard nothing from him.

You don’t live with anyone who does this to you regardless of whether you have a child with them or not. And certainly not at the most vulnerable time in your life (post natal)

You haven’t heard a single thing from him in 6 months whilst you were pregnant with his child. You don’t even know what he wants to take responsibility for!

Is your head cut?

Not constructive. You sound lovely

Just doubting myself! Thank you!

Thanks!

😂

He's probably angling to assess the situation to not to pay maintenance. I'd avoid him and focus on your pregnancy and your health & sanity.

He doesn't want you back. He wants to alleviate his guilt and paternity leave gives him an excuse to take time off work.

As soon as his 2 weeks is up or your mortgage goes through, you'll be tossed out again, and he may even try to keep the baby. You don't want to be going through that with a newborn.

Do what you feel is right but do it on your terms, not his.

And please, whatever you do, do not put his name on the birth certificate.

Why did he break up with you?

In the weeks following birth, you'll need someone stable and caring. Doesn't sound like he is either of those things.
Allow him to visit if you must, but don't rely on him for anything. Especially not a roof over yours or your child's head

Even if he has suddenly changed and forever how many years would it take you to get over what he did?

He locked you out when pregnant - let him pay maintence and see the baby consistently but no to a relationship with such a scumbag

He doesn't want you back imo.

Is he the type who might have a mum pushing him to play happy families? Some people want to do anything to pretend that they are not the bad guy. Do you think he wants you to move in so he can say he didn't use paternity leave as a free holiday.

Not a good idea to move in imo

Thanks all! I agree and fully aware of all your advice, I appreciate it. Just feeling emotional and a bit vulnerable at the min and needing some validation! Thanks everyone

NO. Do not give the baby his surname, either.

I think he might just stick around for his paternity leave because, presumably people know he's going to become a dad, and he doesn't want to look bad.

The best way to try and find out is to keep talking, if you think this may be worth another go.

He wants your matb1 certificate to book his paternity leave. Don’t give it to him.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

NO. Do not give the baby his surname, either.

Oops, that's what I meant too. Put him on the BC so you can get maintenance but give the baby your surname, not his.

Agreed! He broke up with me because he said he wasn’t ready for a child and that I was controlling etc (a load of excuses to avoid saying the baby is the issue)

He does have a mother that tells him what to do!! How did you know haha. All jokes aside, you’re completely right

The best place you can be is at your mums after the baby is here, they take up so little space don’t worry about that!
Telling him you want and need stability eg your new home/one you are buying are enough moves/changes for you and the baby from your mums, you don’t need an additional pit stop. Best of luck with it all x x

you can get maintenance without putting his name on the BC. Do not put his name on as it will give him control.

He packed your stuff up and changed the locks. He packed your stuff up and changed the locks.

Sorry, but no, it really doesn't sound as though he wants you back. (And even if it did, him wanting something does not equate to that being something he deserves or should get.) It sounds as though he's realised (or had it drummed into him) that unceremoniously dumping one's pregnant girlfriend is a dick move and he should maybe change tack, bit as though he's had a huge emotional change of heart.

He threw you out and maintained radio silence for six months, and after all that the best this prince among men can come up with is 'come and stay for the two weeks while I'm on paternity leave'. This is, to put it very mildly, not a good idea. (Especially, but not exclusively, if the home he's inviting you to stay in is the same one he booted you out of.)

When you give birth, you will most likely be a hormonal, emotional, physically uncomfortable mess. You'll also be dealing with sleep deprivation because of the new baby. Adding in staying with someone with whom you have a very complicated emotional history is just not a good combination at that time. It's also weirdly nought-to-sixty-oh-actually-back-to-nought-afterwards. I appreciate there's your housing situation, but what you've described sounds a lot like someone offering to be helpful to you only to the extent that it wouldn't really impact on him personally, and then as soon as it would, expecting to be able to back off again. That's not a good foundation for your lives going forwards.

For better or worse, he is this baby's father. That's a connection you'll have for the rest of your lives, and how you both navigate that situation will shape the sort of life your child will have going forwards. It seems to me that the best way to approach this is slowly and carefully - perhaps even with support from a counsellor. If his reappearance in your life is sincere, it should come with a large enough dose of humility to be able to weather you seeing reasonable boundaries about the pace at which you reconnect with him and about what sort of relationship you eventually end up having, as co-parents or whatever else. It may feel tempting to try to recreate the good relationship you once had by taking him up on this offer, but that relationship is gone. The task now is building a new, hopefully positive one - but I'd tread very carefully in doing that

*not as though he's had an emotional change of heart.

My stuff was packed up, locks were changed and I heard nothing from him.

This is the kicker for me. You will be at your most vulnerable and he can do this to you again at ANY time. You've seen the real him and what he's capable of, and you won't feel secure knowing he can snatch it away from you if you so much as say or do something he doesn't like.

Don't do it.