Honest opinion about NCT groups

[Sianholby]

NCT groups - the most expensive friends you will ever make they say…..

We had a group of 6 that met up all the time on later on maternity leave and we kept it going during lockdown on WhatsApp.

But there is one mother who quite clearly is sending messages to other mothers privately to arrange play dates. I was chatting to a few of the NCT mothers in the nursery queue this morning and this particular mother said she would see another and her daughter on Sunday for soft play.

So no extended invitation to the others in our NCT group, she’s privately arranging dates with others.

So I guess this is what happens? It’s a shame as it segregates the group but I’m making other mummy friends at classes.
Just wanted to know if this is NCT groups in general or was I expecting too much for group invitations and socials

it works for some and they stay friends for a long time. I think that's rare and very lucky.

With DS1 we had 3 other couples.
couple A: 2nd kid so after the last class we never saw them again.
couple B: nice, but moved away within a year
couple C: dad nice, mum nightmare.
she was also a neighbour a few houses down so unfortunately I kept on bumping into her over the years.

DC2: we were couple A🤣
it fizzled out pretty soon and honestly

ignore last sentence. unfinished thought

People are allowed to form individual friendships, not everything must remain cliquey and in a group. I think you’re over reacting.

Same happened with our group. It left a bad taste in a few of our mouths and there was lots of bitching over secret play dates happening and others feeling left out.. glad to say it fizzled out and we all went our separate ways..

I don’t think this happens with all groups but it’s enough to not enrol this time round now I’m pregnant with DS2. Happy to bumble and meet like minded people along the way.

*enough for me

I had the same experience.

One mother arranging play dates and coupling off. Eventually there emerged a "core" group of 4 mums and then 5 of us just floating around.

I was very naive as I thought we'd all be doing things together as a group in the early days and getting to know one another as a group rather than 1:1s in secret.

Anyway, they've all gone back to work now but I have the most lovely, supportive, and funny SAHM friends who I see everyday.

You'll eventually find your own tribe. Fuck NCT.

Maybe lockdown caused this as it’s only 2 households allowed inside together or up to 6 from different households?

Are you all back to work? As ours went like this once everyone worked different days

It worked out quite well for me. We stayed as a group of 8 for over a year. Generally meeting up together, messaging in the middle of the night and including everyone. Then naturally I think we worked out who we were closer to - physically and socially and then split into two 3's and two drifted off, but nothing acrimonious. Im still on fb with most of them, but two have become close friends. I found it a lifeline. People to share experiences with, people to nudge me to get out of the house when it seemed impossible in those early days. Our teacher was also fab and kept in contact, so it was a great support.

People are allowed to do what they want. It's not the Freemasons. If she wants to see people 1-2-1 and they are happy to do that then fine.

Being a new mum can be lonely and boring so try not to get too focused or upset about this. Like you say you've still other NCT friends and are meeting other people too. I made no friends at the baby stage but did make some through the much maligned school run and PTA!

So no extended invitation to the others in our NCT group, she’s privately arranging dates with others.

I dont understand why you'd assume you always have to do things as a big group? I get thats how you met, but its a bit naive to think it'll carry on like that, no? Personally I dont see anything wrong with it.

Seems quite normal to me too - we have a group of 5 mums and we chat all the time, meet when we can but I'm back at work now and some of them live closer together so sometimes meet 1-1 in their back gardens. It doesn't bother me and I'd happily do the same if a couple of us were free/in the same area!

Good to have a few sources of friends though so you're not too reliant on it if it doesn't work out, you're not guaranteed to stay mates - at first they were the only other parents we knew really but have actually made more parent friends since returning to work!

Many years ago I had an epic fail,emergency section BF didnt work out.
Treated like an outcast.

You mention this was in the nursery queue, so are you talking about 3 year olds? It seems reasonable that the group would splinter over time.

Not NCT but I had a group of 4 of us who had babies at the same time. By the time they started school only a couple of us were still friends, because we are the type of people who would be friends anyway.

Just because you have DC the same age does not mean you will have anything in common long term. Also, some people are more comfortable meeting up one on one.

We’re still great friends 12 years on. I guess it’s the luck of the draw

It depends how compatible you are in general I think. I've only stayed in touch with one person and that's because she was the only classmate who lived locally.

@LadyDanburysHat

You mention this was in the nursery queue, so are you talking about 3 year olds? It seems reasonable that the group would splinter over time.

Not NCT but I had a group of 4 of us who had babies at the same time. By the time they started school only a couple of us were still friends, because we are the type of people who would be friends anyway.

Just because you have DC the same age does not mean you will have anything in common long term. Also, some people are more comfortable meeting up one on one.

Children under 3 can attend nursery.....

We actually meet more in pairs than as a whole group. That was partly due to lockdown, but also it can just be easier. I can easily have another mum and little one round for a cup of tea and a play date and have done a few times. I wouldn't have space for any more. It's not meant as a way to leave others out, just a practicality. I hope it's not been taken like that!

Our group fizzled out, DD was a lockdown baby last March so never had the opportunity to meet up after we had the babies. It was only a small group with 3 other couples and I don’t think we clicked.

@sadperson16

Many years ago I had an epic fail,emergency section BF didnt work out. Treated like an outcast.

That’s a shame, but it is the individuals not the NCT. I had an emergency section and failed to breastfeed and had nothing but support.

It can be difficult in those groups. We had six in ours and two live close by while the remaining four are also close by so a natural sort of split has happened. We still all chat though.

I left the WhatsApp group a few months after my baby was born as one of the mums was making me feel like shit

Ours was great for the first year, couldn’t have been without them. But tbh when everyone went back to work it was such hard work to arrange get togethers I just started arranging one on one play dates with a couple of the mums it was just easier. Nothing against the others the bond just wasn’t as strong! Covid was the nail in the coffin for the big meet-ups as it was illegal for most of the last year for us all to meet up. I’m really happy with the friendships I formed from my NCT group, would do it again.

That sounds pretty normal to me - we have a few closer friendships within our group, but we all keep up with each other on Whatsapp. A mix of full/part-time work and SAHMs so those who are free on the same day tend to hang out more. Plus pandemic restrictions have meant we haven't all been able to meet up together anyway.

We fit the cliche: found the classes patronising and useless but kept in tough with the group and have started meeting up post lockdown. Would (just about) recommend it for that.

Ours was great for the first few weeks but after about 6 months it fell apart. Going back to work was the last straw. Strangely 12 years on I am still in touch on social media with a couple of them who weren't part of those post birth meet ups.

We’ve got NCT booked in august.

I didn’t know you weren’t ‘allowed’ to forge stronger friendships within the group surely there’ll naturally be couples who you get on with better, why do you have to do it all as one big group every time?