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Original poster

13 year old wardrobe choices....Help!

30 replies

BBOA · 05/06/2021 15:09

My DD has just come back from a shopping trip with friend and has bought a really tacky, tie die , ribbed, t shirt material pink dress, with kind of puffy bust area. She’s a big , tall girl with a C cup. It’s a clingy dress and just doesn’t look flattering or something a 13 year old busty girl should wear. I suggested it was maybe more of a beach dress than an every day dress, trying to be diplomatic but I failed abysmally. In her eyes everyone wears them and I’m being unreasonable. Anyone got any advice? It’s so difficult to know what to say. I’ve already upset her. I would add I’m really pretty relaxed but this is not a good look for her at her age.....

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cameocat · 05/06/2021 15:11

Just let her make her own choices.

Pinkflipflop85 · 05/06/2021 15:14

Providing there's nothing offensive written across the clothing, let her make her own choices.

SometimesRavenSometimesParrot · 05/06/2021 15:16

Let her wear what she wants

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Sirzy · 05/06/2021 15:19

If she is happy and comfy leave her. You don’t want to risk inadvertently giving her hang ups about her body shape.

Original poster
BBOA · 05/06/2021 15:29

I really don’t want to give her hang ups but it has little stringy straps and really accentuates her bust. She’s really tall for her age and looks old for her age anyway so I it doesn’t look appropriate. I don’t want people leering at her.

OP posts:
Wheredoesagoannago · 05/06/2021 15:47

Please be sensitive OP. My mum also used to describe my younger sister as 'big' and 'busty' and the clothes she liked to wear as 'unflattering'. She really thought she was doing the right thing by her, but it massively fuelled her insecurities. She developed anorexia in her late teens and has never really recovered. That is not to say, obviously, that this will happen to your daughter, or that my sister's condition was solely caused by my mother's comments, but it was certainly a big part of it. The damage these comments can have, especially from your own mother, is huge. If you are worried about her being leered at, fair enough, but choose your words carefully. Place the emphasis on the garment, rather than her body.

Chelyanne · 05/06/2021 15:49

You should just let it slide.

My 15 year old went out the other day in over 20C heat wearing jeans, a wooly hat, hoodie (hood up) and a matching face mask. She's slim and has a very ample bust but likes to be covered up which her dad is very happy with lol.

Chelyanne · 05/06/2021 15:51

Oh and at home she'll walk round in shorts and a bra, go figure

Original poster
BBOA · 05/06/2021 15:52

@Wheredoesagoannago yes that’s what I need advice on. It’s so hard to get it right, so I went with the maybe it’s a beach dress....but that was still wrong. And advice on what to say would be great. Definitely from a leering perspective from my side!

OP posts:
UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 05/06/2021 15:58

I’ve been through the same. Dd is 15 now and is slim with large boobs. She goes berserk at me when I try and explain that a crop top/vest/low strappy dress looks different on her to her smaller flat chested friends. And she’s right why should she be judged differently for what she wears just because she has G cup boobs?
However the world is not as enlightened as these teenagers and men of all ages gawp and stare even when she’s walking with her parents. Even some women you see them do a double take.

So whilst part of me says let them wear what they want, the protective part of me wants to cover her up and never let her out.

4amWitchingHour · 05/06/2021 15:58

I'm not a parent of a teen so could be totally missing the mark here, but can you be honest about what you're worried about? Just say straight up: "I'm worried you're going to get leered at, that it might make you feel unsafe or in an extreme circumstance be unsafe and I just want you to be ok". Don't stop her wearing it, but maybe give her some tools in her arsenal to deal with shitty pervy men. Shouting "I'm 13 you perv" at them might well cut it for now, but don't make her responsible for shitty men's behaviour, she should be able to wear what she likes

Original poster
BBOA · 05/06/2021 16:07

Yes I’ve had conversations about the leering, but not for a while. Maybe time to revisit!
It’s so hard being a parent of a teen girl who looks like she’s 15/16 and women having to put up with perving men.

OP posts:
MoreHairyThanScary · 05/06/2021 16:08

I have 3 teen girls whilst they choose their own clothes at the start it took some pointers DD1 is an E cup, Fortunately (or not) I am also large of Nork, so used that but there have been some things that I have said are for home/ beachwear only as they are age inappropriate. At 13 I as the parent have a final say.

Hoppinggreen · 05/06/2021 16:14

@BBOA

Yes I’ve had conversations about the leering, but not for a while. Maybe time to revisit! It’s so hard being a parent of a teen girl who looks like she’s 15/16 and women having to put up with perving men.
Having a teenager I can tell you some men will leer at them no matter what they wear unfortunately. My DD has been leered at since about 11/12 and it’s awful and she hates it I do take your point about your DD not wearing things that you feel are unsuitable, I was lucky DD didn’t really do that as she was too shy but I think you just have to let them
WaterBottle123 · 05/06/2021 16:16

@Chelyanne why is your husband happy his daughter feels she need to hide her body? Why does he even feel entitled to an opinion.

WaterBottle123 · 05/06/2021 16:18

@BBOA

Please don't give your daughter the message she has to adjust her clothes to account for men's behaviour! Empower her to deal with creepy men, not apologise for her figure!

Ilovemaisie · 05/06/2021 16:18

'Accidently' kill it in the washing machine and don't give her enough money to buy clothes for a while.

Original poster
BBOA · 05/06/2021 16:19

@MoreHairyThanScary I think that’s a good point. 15/16 maybe more flex but at 13 I agree we still need the final say in some things.

OP posts:
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 05/06/2021 16:29

The thing is, men will leer anyways, especially if she's tall and has developed breasts. In her uniform, out shopping, on the beach, in the park etc. She might as well wear what she wants.I've been that 13/14 year old. All you'll do is make her feel responsible/guilty/ashamed when things go wrong or she's uncomfortable with the unwanted attention. If she's happy,confident and comfortable in it then it's hard to speak against it without being negative.

Has she seen herself in a picture wearing it yet? That might change her mind without you saying anything.

Sirzy · 05/06/2021 16:34

[quote WaterBottle123]@BBOA

Please don't give your daughter the message she has to adjust her clothes to account for men's behaviour! Empower her to deal with creepy men, not apologise for her figure!

[/quote]
This.

I get it’s tough but we shouldn’t make young women feel they can’t wear what they want because some men can’t control themselves. The issue is those men not the clothes.

Original poster
BBOA · 05/06/2021 16:52

Is the men not the clothes, agreed, but still think we have to have last word when so young. Should add that DD has ASD so unlikely to be able to read or deal with any unwanted attention and is socially awkward which makes it more interesting!

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 05/06/2021 17:20

I strongly think that you should bite your lip on this. It is really important that young people are able to express themselves and clothes and make up are part of that. It would be awful if she learned from you that she should cover up her body or that there was something unsightly to hide. Teenagers are incredibly sensitive and take things as criticism so easily. It is then impossible to reel it back. I can understand that if you are going somewhere with a dress code eg school, visiting a place of worship, tea with great grandmother etc that you can offer advice but for every day I would leave it to her .

Original poster
BBOA · 05/06/2021 17:41

Thanks for advice everyone. Food for thought. I guess it would be one thing if she was an adult and had chosen to have her bra/boobs hanging out but not so much as an early teen. ( Just seen another thread on friend wearing white navel gazing jumpsuit to a wedding)

OP posts:
Chelyanne · 05/06/2021 17:55

@WaterBottle123 why is that your business? Hmm I'm happy she's not a have it all hanging out type too

shallIswim · 05/06/2021 18:33

Sadly some men will always leer, no matter what your teen wears. And some women will tut tut. I recall taking DD and her friend to France and literally walking behind them down crowded streets because of the looks and attempts at a feel they we're getting. They were just wearing summer clothes. But it seems the sun brings out the pervs.

I think you just have to grit your teeth and let them wear what they want.

My DD now laughs at what she wore at that early teen stage so at least the bad choices are good fir something!

Body confidence is the best thing you can try to give your DD.