classic mother quotes ....following on from the mil thread

[robinredbreast]

right well we know what bitches mil can be,
now lets dish the dirt on our mums lol

heres a few examples of my mother

after a drug free childbirth foowed by repair op for 4th degree tear, she kept pestering me to have salt water baths i asked the midwife and was told not to that it was too harsh,she turns round all pissed off well women had to be a lot tougher in my day

when i said to friend that i suprised myself hwo well i coped at the birth and that i felt as if i sort of went into a zone in my mind,mum said well thats just the gas and air
[well i wasnt even on gas and air at the pushing stage]

now dd is here and a total star its like she hates it and wants her to be naughty! mum says well i never thought you cope as well as you are, thought youd be all strug out by now didnt you?

i love the way she puts me down and then tries to get me to fucking agree with it
not anymore !!!

oh yes and even yesterday after dd had a feed [oh yes another one !]
dd was about to fall asleep and mum keep going whoohoo whoo hoo keeping her awake and waving a toy in her face so later on dd was a little grizzly and mum goes she needs a nap, well mother she needed a nap when she was trying to go to sleep and your where shouting in her face ffs

Oh dear, your mum sounds like a bit of a bitch tbh . Sorry but my mum may say the odd unwise thing but she is generally lovely and supportive.

LOL! Yes, I had "You had an epidural because you have a lower pain threshold to me"

And just the other day...."I think the reason you two (DH and I) keep getting upset stomachs is because of your kettle. I'm sure the water boils at a lower temperature in your kettle" and WTF!!! I darent get remotely scientific on her.....

"Is it not about time you got a haircut"
"Do you think you should eat chinese food when you're pregnant" - what did she think chinese women did?
"Are you sure he just has a runny nose? it could be meningitis, take him to the doctor"
"Why didn't you take him to the doctor? What do you know about anything"
"Oh it's great being able to see X (my neice) every day, at least she won't forget who i am"

Here a few from my MIL

"My son was a much nicer person till he got involved with you"

"Can you make sure L (mydd) wears something nice this time as we are going into town"

"Are you actually feeding my son?, as when he came up the other day he looked very thin"

This one about two weeks ago after dp's dad had taken my ds out for a couple of hours

"I suppose it did D (myds) good to get out for a couple of hours as he is always cooped up in that house"

He is not BTW

This one at 5am when we rang her to let her know her grandaughter had arrived safely
"Why the f* are you ringing me at this time I don't feel very well and your kids have played up all night!!!"

I kid you not

lol at water boils at a lower temperature in your kettle! MIne is generally fine, though keeps saying how bad I am at housework, and my talents lie elsewhere. She's right though so I can't argue.

My Mum - bless her, told me when I was still at home aged around 17

"You treat this place like a hotel", then added "not that I mind"

I was left confused? if she didn't mind, why mention it?

when trying on bridesmaids dresses for my sister's wedding: 'I don't think ther's much point until you lose weight'
I wasn't on a diet but was as soon as she said that (I was 10 st 5ft 6)

My Mum is naturally very slim, sadly I take after my Dad's more rotund family. Mum has recently put on weight and gone all the way up to a size 10 I have recently lost a load of weight and am a size 12. Mum is banging on at length about how big she is, how flabby she is, how disgusting it is, she can't put up with being this big etc etc F*ck knows what she thought of me when I was a size 18 them and again. I suggested if it bothered her she could do Weight Watchers which is how I lost weight "Oh, I never thought it would come to that for me...."

Oh and when I was 15, weighing 2.5 stones lighter than I do now, she told me my 'flab' was hanging over my shorts.

She's lovely apart from the weight thing though, honest.

My mother is hideous about a lot of things. One charmer was about dd1.
mother"Dd1 is very beautiful, she has the most gorgeous eyelashes"
Me"yes she is"
Mother "I don't know where it all comes from, it's not from you is it"

Bitch

When I was planning my wedding I felt really bad because I had always imagined that we would look for dresses together. But I happened to be having a quick browse and stumbled across my dream dress and it was in the sale.
I phoned her to tell her and to say I felt bad as we weren't there together having found it, her response;
"Well I hope you're not expecting me to pay for it" (which I so wasn't) followed by
"Well I probably wouldn't like anything you chose anyway, I expect it's horrible!"
I was devasted........

When I saw her a few months ago she asked me how much weight I had put on so far in the pregnancy , I said about a stone. She said how much did you weigh beforehand? I said 8st10 (I'm 5ft6)
Her response, "gosh I didn't know you were that heavy!"
Talk about how to make the preggers girl feel good about herself.......... What pisses me off is she's 5ft and is a size 16-18!!

I'm sorry I read it wrong and ranted about my MIL

My mum is quite nice most of the time
The only horrible thing I can think that she did was when my sister was nil by mouth waiting to be took down to theatre she sat on her bed and drank a bottle of coke !

"Mum, the scan was fine and we're having a boy"
"Oh well you can't give a boy a silly name you know, girls can get away with it better."

My mum just says the first thing that comes into her head with no thought for how they might be interpreted. She says such 'duh' things that it's often nigh on impossible to convince myself she didn't think I was a complete idiot and incompetent parent. My head knows she doesn't mean that but if I'm feeling sensitive it can really knock me sideways.

My mother is toxic will try and think of some of her classics:

"don't bother with BFing I didn't they gave me two pills to scatter my milk best thing ever, my mother (who has had 6) says only poor people that can't afford formula BF"
"DD1 who lost some weight "you will be told to put her on the bottle you will get told off if she is losing weight" next fortnight she gained weight "you will get told off she's too fat"
after having a mc "maybe it's for the best 3 children would be expensive"
"there NO way you will ever be able to feed that big baby (DD2) until 6 months on just YOUR milk, THEY (again this mystical they) will tell you off"
"young ones today are so lazy they just sit back and watch their children, in our day we were once pace behind you at all time sincase you fell - WTF"
"all men want a boy"
"only me and your cousin have hit the jackpot in our family one boy and one girl"
"no one has big families these days (when I told her about no3, it's obviously a mistake"

and the corker sent her through the first picture of her first grandchild by e-mail were in different countries at the time, my PFB darling little 6lbs 3ozs DD1
"oh she's very fat and ginger, she's got a big fat face" HTF can anything that size have a fat face???

Sorry could go on for ever

my Mum is a classic "it was good enough in my day" spouter

I did, rather stupidly ask her a few weeks ago how she managed when she had 3 little ones as I waa a bit overwhelmed with it all and she said "I just got on with it"

Also, rather tactfully on my 32nd birhday when I was feeling sorry for myself that I was still single " well, I'd had 6 children by the time I was your age..."

And her classic weaning quote - "12 weeks or 12lbs, which ever they get to first"

(apparently, it never did us any harm.... )

Got to love that weaning advice, my mum has been pushing weaning seemingly forever,
'She'll sleep so much better!'
'She already sleeps 12 hours a night, mum...'
'But she'll sleep so much better!'

And, indeed, it 'never did me any harm'. Perfect in every way, me. Except for the eczema, asthma, hay fever, and mixed bag of assorted allergies...!

OK I've posted these before, but my mother could be a real bitch and came up with some blinders at times.

On the day I came home from school and said I needed glasses, 'you are going to look a right bloody mess'

On the day I got my A level results and got into Oxford, in front of me, and her friends,'Yes, we are gald to get the results, as she has been very difficult to live with recently'

When dh and I got engaged, to my dh 'Don't worry in any argument that you two ever have I will always side with you'

When I lost my first baby as a nasty MC 'Oh well, never mind, what you never have you can never miss'

Oh MB

A few from my wonderful mother

The day after giving birth whilst prodding my stomach "Have you still got one in there ? I was back in my size 10 jeans the day after I had you"...

Talking about my 6 week old beautiful chubby baby..."Are they going to do anything about her weight problem ?"

Since my dd was a few days old - "She needs a dummy/some formula/baby rice etc"

And the best - "You're not still breastfeeding are you ?? Aren't you worried its going to start to look a bit weird ?".. My dd was 4 months old

A few of my mums classics

'Weren't you supposed to be getting you haircut dear?' (when just got back)
(when all dressed up for my sister's weddeing) - when are you getting into your smart clothes? Oh couldn't you afford something better?
You haven't been to weightwatchers lately have you?
I'm surprised you can still fit into that the way you eat!
no dear - handmade always means cheap!
Isn't he talking yet? (ds at 6m)
I don't wear tarty clothes, shame you can't follow my example.
Of course a real mother doesn't need to use aids to get her baby to sleep - ds had terrible colic and a dummy was the ONLY way to get him off
of course, a proper mother doesn't do that/say that/etc
I know I've put on a little weight - how do you cope being fat? You must be so ashamed (well I wasn't until then!)
don't be sily dear, labour only lasts a few hours - she ahd 3 kids the longest labour was 8 hours!
argh argh argh bless her

Thought of a few more overnight!

I just can't believe you're happy, what am I meant to do now?

I never realised what a large behind you have, but that dress really highlights it. (I was 15 and weighed about 7st!!!)

On visiting my new house when I was 22 - Well you seem to have organised the kitchen quite well, of course it's not how I would have it.

She is very politically incorrect and it makes me cringe, she comes out with things like;

He's black you know, but he's very nice. (Why wouldn't he be???!!!)

Shes divorced but I suppose she couldn't help it (thanks Mum have you forgotten again that so am I?)

Ahh I could go on and on, it's nice to know I'm not alone!!!

They do believe that when they hit a certain age they have earned the right to say and do as they please don't they? Mine can be SO insensitive, but passes it off as being "honest". I'd take kind over honest any day!

When I was pg with my twins, she constantly told me how difficult it was going to be and how she didn't know how on earth I was going to cope.
"How are you going to feed them if they're hungry at the same time? Oh, well you could feed them sitting in their chairs, I suppose people aren't as fussy nowadays..."
What's THAT supposed to mean? That as people "aren't as fussy" I can be a shoddier mother and it'll be okay?

re the they get to an age where they think they can say whatever they like.....god that is so true.

My mother used to walk through twon making loud, and exceptionally rude comments on how other people looked or were dressed! I was always amazed that none of them ever said anything back to her, they were obviously better mannered than she was (wasn't hard tbh!)