classic mother quotes ....following on from the mil thread

[robinredbreast]

right well we know what bitches mil can be,
now lets dish the dirt on our mums lol

heres a few examples of my mother

after a drug free childbirth foowed by repair op for 4th degree tear, she kept pestering me to have salt water baths i asked the midwife and was told not to that it was too harsh,she turns round all pissed off well women had to be a lot tougher in my day

when i said to friend that i suprised myself hwo well i coped at the birth and that i felt as if i sort of went into a zone in my mind,mum said well thats just the gas and air
[well i wasnt even on gas and air at the pushing stage]

now dd is here and a total star its like she hates it and wants her to be naughty! mum says well i never thought you cope as well as you are, thought youd be all strug out by now didnt you?

i love the way she puts me down and then tries to get me to fucking agree with it
not anymore !!!

I''m 34 weeks pregnant and getting constant snippets from my mum at every opportunity.

"You'll be in for such a shock when the baby comes along" (mind you, everyone is saying that, like they're the only people to realise our lives will change...)

"You'll have to clean a lot more once the baby's here - you can't bring up a child in this tip" (because we only hoover once a week)

"You're such a student" (Because we have a Mighty Boosh DVD...in our 3 bedroom semi in suburbia which is financed by our two full-time jobs and our lack of a social life...)

"Are you ever going to stop dressing like a boy?" (When I was in the house recovering from a major operation wearing jeans and a hoody)

"I preferred your hair when it was longer" (when my hair is short)

"I preferred your hair when it was shorter" (when my hair is long)

"You should go and stay with your sister - she'll teach you how to bring kids up properly" (Usually following the "you're in for such a shock when you have the baby" comment - FYI my sister has OCD relating to cleaning (and imo as a result her kids always get stomach bugs) and sees her 40 inch plasma screen as a part time babysitter)

Don't get me wrong, I love my mum and my sister dearly, but I wish they'd realise that this is how I am - I'm not an incomplete or flawed version of themselves.

Ooh that feels better

Mine to DH who had last his mum to cancer the previous year after ops and chemo/hairloss. "Ooh you look like you've had chemo" after a severe haircut.

After scan showed DT1 may have heart problems "Better not change the car then" after we had put deposit down on bigger car.

Told my Nana to "stop in your chair" when she wanted to get out of her wheelchair to take a last look at my DT1s grave. She can walk but is on oxygen.

She has a way with words my Mum.

friend of family (looking at a photo of my dd aged 3 months): Oh she's beautiful

my mother (i.e. dd's GRANDMOTHER): don't be ridiculous - she's got a big round fat face and no hair

ok here's some from mum:

When I was pg - "You WILL fail at breastfeeding"

"I don't care what the midwife says, give the baby some water"

"Shut up! What do you know about babies?"

She's actually supportive in the main. Much more so than the dreaded MIL...

I'm just going to post one, because (a) there are so many I don't want to get started, and (b) it's such a corker that will put so many of us MNers in our places:

"A good mother can teach her child the alphabet by 8 months."

gawd, sorry robinredbreast I didn't mean to kill your thread!

Just saw this thread and couldn't resist posting! All the following came from my mother during one week when we went to stay with her recently! Thankfully she lives abroad so we don't get this any more often:

• Your dd isn't the most beautiful baby in the world but don't worry, because ugly babies often turn into good-looking adults

• Your dd (6 months) is manipulating you, you must leave her to cry it out to show her who's boss

• You're keeping dd too close to you and making her too dependent on you (all because dd cried in mum's arms - it was the first time she'd seen her since her birth, so she was a total stranger to her basically)

• And (in front of a whole load of people at a barbecue) you may as well have a second one now, as you're already overweight - WTF!!

• What do you mean you won't follow my advice, I raised two children you know, you've only had this one six months

Arggghhhh

I think my mother's best one was after the tsunami tragedy when we were staying with her at Christmas

she read out the atrocious news in a voice more suited to some piece of celebrity gossip, then said "ah well that's natural selection, isn't it?"

We left the same morning but I still don't think she knows why what she said was wrong.

phd - obviously DS knew his alphabet by 8 months - he couldn't speak so no-one appreciated it though

My mum is the queen of sugar coated acid....

'You girls are much more lenient than I ever was' meaning me and my sister let our dcs run riot. We don't, I'm possibly the strictest out of my group of friends, but I don't want dd to be scared of me like I was of my mum

When dd came home from hospital 'Well she's quite sweet I suppose, if you like that sort of thing'

3 days after dd was born, mum was staying to 'help'. When I burst into floods of tears because I was tired, worried about bf, fed up of trying to host them staying, just because, she said 'Oh don't do this to me, I can do without it'. Wtf? Typical baby blues, I needed a cuddle, not a telling off.

Oh I could go on.....

This is more than -
Said to my Dad when my brother died "It's alright for you, you're child hasn't died".
We were full biological siblings by the way. So wrong, on so many levels...

Whoops, I mean your, obviously.

My mum phoned my sister at 9pm the other night and my sister asked if she could phone her back as she was eating tea. Mum asked her why she was eating tea at 9pm and my sister stated she had had a late lunch to which my mum repled "No wonder your fat eating at this time of night"
My sister isn't even fat she had a baby 6 months ago and is 5ft 6" and weighs 10st 10lb she only looks chubby because she has big boobs so has to wear big tops!

My mum's heart is in the right place but her mouth isn't very controlled, classics include:

'Don't ask your sister to babysit, you know she doesn't like children'

'It was so boring looking after you as children, I got a nanny to do it'

'You're really going to pile on the weight when you get pregnant; you take after your father'

Thankfully I didn't.

''I'm not sure your bosoms are big enough to breast feed''

And (at least once a week from the age of 11 until the age of around 30)

''It's such a pity you didn't inherit my thin ankles...I'd pop some trousers on if I were you''
Until I worked out the best answer was ''well, at least I didn't inherit your fat arse...''

I really think it's an age thing with mums. Mine always used to be so diplomatic (apart from her recurring "well I coped, and I had 3 whildren and...and.....etc) but in recent years had become more and more
pointed in her remarks - particularly about babycare..

"Can you go into the bathroom to feed - your dad wont like it" (when visiting over Christmas with DD 5 weeks! - my dad actually didn't care - I asked him)

"You shouldn't pick him up all the while - that baby's manipulating you "(by crying ) "and you should put him in a cot at night and let him cry himself to sleep, he'll soon learn" (yeah, that his parents don't care if he's upset!)
"you only just fed him! he won't be hungry for at least another 4 hours" why??? (DS1, 2 days old BF on demand and - horror of horrors - we co slept)

"you'll kill that baby having it (it??!!)in the bed with you - there was a woman the other day in the paper....." said regularly during 10 months of co-sleeping with DS1 and now with DS2 (4 weeks) and this is despite showing her the leaflet giving co-sleeping guidelines from the hospital

"mothers just shouldn't breastfeed in public - there's no need for it - it's disgraceful" - shame your daughter does then isn't it eh!

And her all time favorite whenever I'm about to feed (or if it's warm or there's an "a" in the day - and because I think she's secretly uncomfortable with BF) "just give him some water - he's thirsty, the poor thing only ever gets milk"

But she did make me laugh the other week. Apparently her VD machine is broken....(DVD)

My mum is ok although is more interested in Corrie than real life.

My MIL on the other hand is estranged from us and is a total evil bitch(we havent spoken for over a year):
Some classics:

After me losing a baby "I know how you feel, I had an abortion once"

At the first family meal with now DH and all his family she stands up and reads a letter out from my DHs ex girlfriend

Compares my "voluptuous" figure to DH's ex GF size 10 figure, again in front of everyone.

I could go on. She slates me behind my back and has started slating me to my SILs v small children. My 2 year old nephew told me his mum didnt like me and wasnt my friend at the weekend!

I'm growing DS's hair and she told me that he would go 'cock-eyed' if I didn't get his fringe cut.

The world is full of 'cock-eyed' girls becasue of this obvioulsy!

About my dh. "I don;t like him and never will. You'll know what I'm talking about one day"?
About me "You were the last tequila in Spain"

"there's plenty more fish in the sea" (after my first ever break-up with my boyf who I'd been with a year and a half)

"well in my day we wouldn't even have known we were pregnant" (after a very traumatic missed miscarriage )

"you're so mean to (ds), you don't give him chocolate" (constant comment since ds was about 6 months - he's now only 17mo!)

I could go on!

Ref the comments about babies being fat , my nan used to be obsessed with my ds being fat, with comments like "no-one likes a fat baby"
She now just seems to have accepted that he's a chunky monkey!

About DS then 7 months ole - "let him stay with me for the weekend, I'll have him potty trained by the time you pick him up on Sunday night"

!!!!!

Great thread. My mother also toxic. A few of her classics are:

You are looking rather Beefy at the moment - me 10 stone at the time, her 15.

Told me I was a wimp for eventually having a C Section with DS and not being able to labour as she had. She was in labour for 6 hours, me for 43. My response - I did your labour 7 times!

Telling gathered members of our family right in front of us that her two children are complete failures and she doesnt know where she went wrong.

Telling my sister that people only loved my kids because I forced them to.

Loads more as well......

OOoooooh... where shall I start? Ah yes -- talking to me about my younger sister:

'Do stop inviting her to your house -- it's putting her off having her own children, and I'm sure hers would be fine.'