19 month old not copying words-what am I doing wrong? I’m sick with worry

[Monroebeae]

Hello alll-

I’m sick with worry over my 19 month old daughter. She has the bare minimum of words required for her age but she has no desire in repeating stuff yet and trying to copy or do “parrot” talk. She prefers to communicate using sign language, pointing, grunting, and the other handful of words she has. I’m absolutely sick with worry. What have I done wrong? We read all the time, I implement speech therapy techniques to encourage language. But I’m feeling so defeated and worried.

I really wouldn’t worry too much (and I say this as someone with non verbal autistic 4 YO twins).

The things she is doing are positive - she has some words, she points, she signs etc. Does she understand many words? I would be more focussed on her understanding than mimicking - she is communicating.

Usually you can’t get a SALT referral until they’re 2, as some children just take a bit longer - obviously if you’re still worried then you can get a referral / self refer, but that’s still a long way off! Keep doing what you’re doing.

My third daughter had hardly any words until she was about two, and then she suddenly was talking in full sentences and hasn't stopped talking since! She's 14 now. Hold fire on panicking just yet. Keep doing what you're doing and bring it up calmly with the HV or GP as a potential issue. But it's honestly nothing to freak out about just yet.

The best advice here is to speak to your HV, but please don’t be sick with worry unless you have other causes of concern. My son had no words at all at 19 months, I remember the health visitor being far more interested in that than his newborn brother (I wasn’t concerned as I was confident he could understand what I was saying to him) he was over 2 before the grunts became anything resembling a word. He’s now almost 13 and is bright and articulate, so it really was nothing. He was very late getting teeth too, although that may be unrelated.

Hi thank you for responding. I think she has good receptive communication? She can point to about 17 body parts, follows commands pretty well (things like sit down, stand up, throw this away, go get the dogs leash, go get your shoes, go sit down at the table, etc) (unless she just flat out doesn’t want to), she answers to her name most of the time. If I say things like, “okay time to go”...she runs to the front door, stuff like that. She can point to tons of objects when I ask here where there are...are these all age appropriate examples of understanding? Or should she be doing more?

You are not doing anything wrong, don't worry about that.

She's communicating with you, and you understand what she means. So maybe, from her point of view there's no need yet to do any more. My neighbour's ds didn't utter a word until he was three and a half, and there were no underlying reasons, he was just a late starter.

Does she respond to noises, and look to see where they are coming from? If she's not interested in sounds at all, then maybe you could ask whether she needs to have her hearing tested.

Yes she responds to noises, she looks at me when there’s a new startling noise. We had her hearing checked at 12 months and it came back normal

Mine is 2 in August so around 21 months I think?
She has literally started talking in the last two weeks; before then it was the odd word like ‘car’ but she too could follow instruction and point out things that I named, preferred sign language to communicate things to me/
She is now saying loads of words, names of people, names of things, feelings etc and she’s also parroting things that we say.

I was in the same boat when my youngest was that age. She only really started babbling when she turned two. I work with children and know that they can all develop at different times but I was still really concerned with my own! In her case it was because she had really blocked ears - I noticed that she used to rub and pull at them quite a bit. And now, with lots of drops etc, at almost 3 her speech has really taken off and she speaks in sentences, has proper conversations and picks up new words all the time. I'd definitely recommend talking to your health visitor if you're worried. There's a lot of great info including a progress checker on the Ican talking point website too. I think you can also contact speech therapists on there for advice.

Some children talk at 18 months and some talk at 2.5, all are normal.

You only need to be concerned if she has no understanding/can’t follow instructions
No single words (including animal sounds etc) by 18 months
Not putting two words together (eg more juice) by 2.5 years

She sounds absolutely fine

I’m so glad your DD is thriving and this gives me some hope

At that age they can develop in jumps. Both my children didnt say a single word at 18months except for mama and dada. They had a few nonsense gibberish words they used for certain things, but nothing clear.
By their 2nd birthday this changed a lot and by 2.5 years it was impossible to make them stop talking.
Since you checked the hearing i would just wait a bit and see if anything changes. Maybe ask if youre still worried at the 2 year check up.

You are overthinking this and also, an important thing to realise and internalise us that your daughter is not a reflection of you and what you are or are not doing. She's a unique individual. She's herself. Parents are forever attributing their kids successes and failures to themselves. They have an influence sometimes (usually less than they believe) but the majority of the child's strengths and weaknesses are their own.

So what exactly is the big worry here? She's too young to draw any conclusions other than that right now she is well within normal.

Mother's anxiety gets us all but the earlier you learn to control it the happier a mum you'll be. I wish I'd managed to get a hold on it sooner.

The examples you have described of her understanding go beyond what I recall my son doing at that age (caveat it’s a long time ago). Honestly, if hearing issues have been ruled out I really wouldn’t be worried. I do know though when they are that age it feels like the age they hit these milestones are an indicator of how good a parent you are/ how bright they are, but honestly it really doesnt correlate as they get older.

She sounds absolutely fine. My dd has just turned 2 and it's only in the last month that she has started saying more words but mostly still screeches! My boys are 4 and 3 now and were both late talkers. Never shut up now!
Understanding is what's most important and from what you've written, she sounds like she's doing great.

Thank you all so much. I’m american but I prefer to read the Aussie/Brit mama sites because I find you all are more level headed. You know how is Americans can be ...lol...I appreciate the insightful and level headed responses

This is all very true and a good reminder that I need to remember these things myself.

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying

You are overthinking this and also, an important thing to realise and internalise us that your daughter is not a reflection of you and what you are or are not doing. She's a unique individual. She's herself. Parents are forever attributing their kids successes and failures to themselves. They have an influence sometimes (usually less than they believe) but the majority of the child's strengths and weaknesses are their own.

So what exactly is the big worry here? She's too young to draw any conclusions other than that right now she is well within normal.

Mother's anxiety gets us all but the earlier you learn to control it the happier a mum you'll be. I wish I'd managed to get a hold on it sooner.

Excellent post.

What are you worried about? I don't mean that as a rhetorical question. You are doing everything right. She sounds to be developing in a normal way (which is a wide band of possibility). You can talk to the HV now but from what you say there's nothing they'll do until she's 2 and it's not a question of early intervention being important with speech delay (which she doesn't have signs of having yet).

Hi OP,

She sounds great. Please don't worry about it if you can help it.

I’m worried that she isn’t repeating and copying words yet because everything I’ve been told here in the states is that she should be at the point of imitating everything and copying two word sentences. And I feel like we are light years away from that. And I’ve been stressing because I’m doing all I can but you all have pointed out that’s all I can do right now, which I appreciate

Thank you, I’m starting therapy soon because I had extreme PPA

Honestly, I know its easier said than done but do not worry about this. My DD2 was the same, after DD1 being miles ahead with speech, and I was sick with worry like you. Had her in speech therapy at 20m old which nearly bankrupted me, spent all day every day trying every technique in the book. Nothing helped, she wasn't interested. Great understanding, great signing but couldn't say a word. At 2.5 she just started talking one day. Almost overnight and she's now average for her age. My HV told me 100 times it would just click one day and I thought she was fobbing me off but it has and I know so many people with the same story. It will happen for you too.

I needed to hear this for sure. I was trying to get a private evaluation set up, and my husband basically told me I need to calm down and give her until she’s 2. I’m glad your girl is thriving

At 19 months it's not expected that they are copying words. That is more of a 2 year old milestone. Some babies will do it at 19 months but not all, and it doesn't matter at all if they aren't. Don't worry :)

@BertieBotts

At 19 months it's not expected that they are copying words. That is more of a 2 year old milestone. Some babies will do it at 19 months but not all, and it doesn't matter at all if they aren't. Don't worry :)

Wow thank you i had no idea. I appreciate it so much