19 month old not copying words-what am I doing wrong? I’m sick with worry

[Monroebeae]

Hello alll-

I’m sick with worry over my 19 month old daughter. She has the bare minimum of words required for her age but she has no desire in repeating stuff yet and trying to copy or do “parrot” talk. She prefers to communicate using sign language, pointing, grunting, and the other handful of words she has. I’m absolutely sick with worry. What have I done wrong? We read all the time, I implement speech therapy techniques to encourage language. But I’m feeling so defeated and worried.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong. I've got a 4yr old and she was saying at least 100 words at 18 months and had started to do small sentences. She was a fab wee chatty girl. Could count to 10 and knew all her colours by 2 without much effort on my part.

I've currently got an 18month old who says a handful of words! Mam, yeah, up, woof woof (when she sees a dog 😆) sometimes dada. That's about it. She doesn't really copy sounds or words much but is starting to attempt to make similar sounds, well sometimes 🙈 So I said milk to her and she said mi.

She knows everything we are saying she's just going to be slow at talking. I think she's going to get really frustrated I can already see her getting annoyed when I don't know what she's pointing to. She points and goes uh uh uh, it's sooo annoying!

Your 18 month old sounds like mine lol...she gets frustrated quickly when I don’t know what she’s pointing too as well.

My dd was a very late talker, to the point where I was asked if I wanted speech therapy for her (I think she was about your dd's age).

I'm a primary school teacher, was teaching Reception at the time (first year of school in UK), had training in language development, knew that children develop at different rates and that understanding is the most important thing but still had many moments of panic. I think that's natural, especially when it's your first child.

Like your dd, mine used baby signing and pointing, and clearly understood a lot. That was all that really mattered.

I can't remember when she finally started talking (she's 18 now so it's all a bit hazy). She was definitely talking fluently (full sentences, clear speech, good vocabulary) by the time that she started school.

I think your dd sounds a bright little girl and you're doing a great job. Try to relax and just enjoy this stage. It's a cliche but they really do grow up so fast.

Keep talking to her (but don't try to get her to copy you, aim for more natural talk and you responding to her actions and gestures), sharing books, singing, nursery rhymes. She'll get there when she's ready.

I'm sorry about the PPA. This worry is one you can put down to that and not an actual issue at the moment. I personally sometimes worry my ridiculous worries will mean I miss a real one if you get me.

It's good that you want to make sure you're doing the best for her, and you are. Give yourself a time to start worrying about her speech if you must but it is not 19 months. Maybe if she's 2 and a half and still not copying you may worry a bit.

I've just had a phone call with the HV today about this problem with my 21 month old. She has some words but has lost a lot of words also. She doesn't nod or shake her head or point to what she wants (she does point to show me things though). She has stopped saying mumma and dada. So I was getting very worried. (Positive things are she listens to instructions, understands what I say to her, engages in imaginative play, reads books, takes me to show me what she wants).
Things HV asked me that were key were does she point to things, does she have a dummy, does she point to pictures in books, does she try and copy words back to me (there was a certain word she used for this).
HV reassured me from what I told her about DD is that she just sounds slightly behind and pointed me in the direction of some exercises to help encourage her speech. She said it's normal for them to 'lose' words but they do stay lodged in their vocab.
She said the next review is done at 27 months now as apparently their speech can come on a lot between 24-27 months but to contact them if there are any worries before.
It's such a worry OP especially if you're like me and compare to other kids, but they will get there in the end!

My brother didn't talk at all until he was over two. My mum was really worried. He's now an articulate 30-something working in a professional career.

If you want to feel you're doing something (though I concur with other posters that it doesn't sound too bad) you could do nursery rhymes, singing games and action songs. Things that get repeated in specific patterns. I remember my small son once when we were sitting in a particular position on the floor started singing "ro' ro'" and making rowing motions (Tumble Tots did Row Row Row Your Boat every sodding week). "all fall down" is a good one for early joining in, too.

I did read that there appears to be a correlation between early language development and exposure to nursery rhymes, though how stringent this was I'm not sure.

@Monroebeae

Hi thank you for responding. I think she has good receptive communication? She can point to about 17 body parts, follows commands pretty well (things like sit down, stand up, throw this away, go get the dogs leash, go get your shoes, go sit down at the table, etc) (unless she just flat out doesn’t want to), she answers to her name most of the time. If I say things like, “okay time to go”...she runs to the front door, stuff like that. She can point to tons of objects when I ask here where there are...are these all age appropriate examples of understanding? Or should she be doing more?

My twins can’t do almost all of these things (they’re nearly 5). One is just starting to understand some words and now and one can point. Just to give you some idea from the other side. I’m glad you’ve found this thread really reassuring.

You can look up the U.K. EYFS milestones which will give you an idea of age appropriate skills but they have a wide band of months for good reason!

Thank you. You’re a super hero by the way! Thank you for putting things into perspective.

Definitely not 😬

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. The only other thing I would suggest if you’re worried about copying specifically is intensive interaction - generally used with autistic children who don’t copy but anyone can use it to develop that early conversation. Basically rather than encouraging her to copy you, you copy her. So if she’s banging two blocks together, you bang two blocks together. If she’s posting, you post. She should notice you’re copying her and eventually will try to lead you more, and then you can pause before copying, or change it up and see if she follows your lead. Very slow process for kids like mine but it should help build her awareness of copying quote quickly. Mine don’t copy anything which is how kids learn a lot, so I would encourage this sort of interaction - copying speech will come!

One more question for your mamas...should I be concerned that she doesn’t call me mama? She’s been able to look at me when asked since around 9-10 months. And then obviously now she points to me when asked and she understands if someone asks here “give this to mama” “go show mama”. Etc...but she calls me papa! Which is also what my dad goes by, and she’s been calling him papa for months. Like she knows the difference between us but if she sees me she will point at me and go “papa!!”....is it possible she’s just doing that thing that sometimes kids do where they use a word for a lot of different things?

That's nothing to worry about at all. She clearly knows who you are if she can point to you or bring thing to you if asked.

She probably just uses papa as a word label for people that she loves.

Even if children this age do call their mothers "mamma, mum, ma, mammy, mummy" etc, it doesn't mean that they understand what the word actually means. It's just a label which they have learned belongs to a particular person in the same way that a name is attached to a particular person.

I'm not in the UK but I honestly think ppl there must expect things to happen way sooner from what I read on mn! When I read about ppl trying to get 4 year old to read and homeschooling a 3 year old during lockdown, wtaf?!
18 months is so, so young. I have 3 dcs and they only started speaking around 2 and half years and then not properly, they all were different. They are older now, speak incredibly well, read like pros etc (also didn't start reading until 7) , I honestly wouldn't be remotely worried op.
If she still isn't saying some words by 2 you could ask your HV. She sounds completely normal. None of mine were speaking at that age and even if I saw dcs their age around me speaking I assumed they were learning at different paces. It isn't linier, for example my dcs were all early walkers , one of mine was running around at 10 months but didn't speak until much later but I've known other dcs to be still unable to walk at 18 months.

@Monroebeae hi please update us on your current progress I have a son in the same situation

Just keep at it - my DD was the same until she was 2 and then it all just started exploding in spurts. She never repeated words. I didnt get a 'Mama' until 2 either!

OP, stop worrying, she’s communicating with you, she understands commands, reacts to them, she doesn’t appear to have a hearing problem, the words will come.
My mother said I didn’t talk much at all apart from yes and no untilI was about three and when I did they couldn’t shut me up. Apparently I told my 15 year old brother to “Leave my doggy alone, he is mine, not yours”. According my brother everyone was so shocked they just couldn’t believe it. My sister was sent round to my aunts house with the news “Daffodil has spoken”.
Headline news in our family.

My DD was 2 in August and has only in the last 6 weeks started repeating back what I say, she started practically overnight and her vocab and ability to communicate has come on loads since. At 19 months she only had a few indistinct words.

Hi!! My daughter turns 3 on Sunday. Once she hit 23 months she started talking more and it really took off between 24-30 months!!! It’s like a whole other child. My anxiety was really bad for a long time but all of my worries have gone away. She talks non stop now!

Great news OP! I bet you wish you could get her to stop talking sometimes:-D

Yes…sometimes I’m like “how on earth do you have so much to say” 🤣

Yay! So happy for you and your daughter. I guess it’s a waiting game. Just hoping for the best 🙏🏼