Can't cope on my own with my child anymore.

[Anotherday21]

can't cope with my 13 month old anymore. I am feeling increasingly desperate and I do not know how to handle this anymore. He's been high needs and a constant crier since birth. He no longer naps and barely sleep at night. On average, he sleeps 3-4hrs a night. I had always hoped once he started walking properly, his mood would improve, this didn't turn out to be the case. If anything, I feel as if he's only becoming more and more miserable. He does have allergies but they are known and I know which foods etc to avoid, which milk to use etc.

I am on my own with him 24/7. No family. My friends live 2,5hrs away and the majority don't even like kids (their words) so I am very reluctant to ask one of them to take him. If only for an hour or so. My son's father has not been a part of his life since he was 6 months old and he wasn't that bothered before that either to be honest which I've always found extremely upsetting. I am desperate to get away, go back to work and although he is on numerous nursery waiting lists, I've not heard back from any of them.

I just want to sleep and never wake up. I dread every single day. All I do lately is shout at him. I'm fully aware this is unacceptable and that he deserves a much better mum than me. I worry about traumatising him and am considering even putting him up for adoption because I am a failure as a mother and he deserves so, so much better. I don't even know what I'm asking for. I just feel empty, angry and so, so sad all of the time

Definitely get some in-home help if you can afford it, someone who can watch him even for several hours one day a week, or as others have suggested reach out to your HV.

Next, get to the root of his not sleeping, if there is one. You may not want to go back to the GP but it may be the only option. Try some different things with him if you can, if you don't have the mental fortitude for research right now if you can post here a bit more about his routine and things, am sure some posters can suggest things.

Also maybe seek help from GP re your low mood - something to alleviate this May help you put other things in place to aid your situation.

If nurseries aren't getting back to you, what about a childminder?

In meantime, use the tv and things as much as you need to if it gives you 30 mins - 1 hour to rest, and anything else that will keep him distracted.
If you feel yourself getting agitated, put baby somewhere safe and go and take a breather for a minute or two, if you can (easier said than done, I know).

Defo cosleep if not already.

Remember as hard as it is, you are all he needs and he adores you, you are doing your best and are not a terrible mother, and if you make a plan you can hopefully find a way to make things more bearable.

Contact the Family Support Worker in your area. They can help.
Have you tried child minders if nurseries are full ?

OP so sorry to read this-sounds so tough. I can't imagine the relentless slog of doing this alone. I would say that if your son is only sleeping four hours a day then of course he's miserable-as are you! Could you seek the advice of a sleep consultant? It feels like if his sleep were to improve that would much improve things x things WILL get better x