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Parenting

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Original poster

I cannot cope 😞 pls help

30 replies

Jodielaa · 30/05/2021 21:58

Firstly I apologise if this ends up long. I’m just absolutely shatterd and don’t know what else to do. DC is 9 months, and for some reason waking EVERY half hour/ 45 mins through the night. This has been every night for 8 weeks. I’ve tried everything. Extending her day naps, reducing her day naps, offering more food, earlier bedtime, offering more milk, calpol/ nurofen incase she was in pain. She Dosent wake up properly she just winges and when I put her dummy in she goes back to sleep, this goes on all night until 4/5 and then she’s up for the day. I’m literally at breaking point. I am with their dad. But not for long as he does not do anything. No help. Nothing. Because he works long hours he does nothing with the kids as he’s “tired”. I have no support family friends and I am at breaking point. Any tips are greatly appreciated. TIA

OP posts:

Eloisedublin123 · 30/05/2021 22:06

Could you try and co sleep OP?

Aprilwasverywet · 30/05/2021 22:10

Leave several dummies in the cot.. At 9 months she should be finding her own ime..

Hawse · 30/05/2021 22:17

@Aprilwasverywet

Leave several dummies in the cot.. At 9 months she should be finding her own ime..

This is what we've done and it works. And I would give the book 'Solve your baby's sleep problems' by Dr Ferber a read. At 9 months, I wouldnt be going into the room to re-settle her every 30 mins. She will need to learn to settle on her own.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6-9 months old 9-12 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep

TooMinty · 30/05/2021 22:24

You can get a comforter shaped like a rabbit and it has clips for several dummies on it. So it is easier for her to find one herself in the night. And read your "d"h the riot act or throw him out now. If he won't step up then at least you won't have to listen to him complain about tiredness to rub it in...

gooseygander88 · 30/05/2021 22:25

Both my DD did this however they were both slightly younger (6months/7months). After so many nights of going back in to replace the dummy we had enough - it felt like having a newborn again! So we ditched the dummy and it fixed it! By night 3/5 both girls had stopped waking and crying out for 'said dropped dummy'. I admit it didn't 'cure' DD2 sleeping issues - however improved the wake ups after every sleep cycle! Obviously this was something that we decided to try for us, I would of loved to keep the dummy longer for both girls but I needed my sleep lol!

Original poster

Jodielaa · 30/05/2021 22:27

I have tried to co-sleep she just gets excited and wants to play. I’m currently in a one bedroom house so I have no other choice but to resettle as all of us awake then. I have tried leaving a few dummy’s but it dosent work, she winges and then will start crawling (whilst Asleep) around the cot and if I don’t put her dummy in she just gets louder and stands up and then is Awake properly. I’ve spent the past 3 hours just crying my eyes out I genuinely feel like I can’t take another night I’m exhausted to say the least. Thank you to each and everyone one of you for the reply

OP posts:

Fyredraca · 30/05/2021 22:29

At this age I used to put several dummies around her and if she didn't find one I would put it in her hand so she could put it in herself. She soon got the idea

Original poster

Jodielaa · 30/05/2021 22:32

@TooMinty

Absolutely. I have told him to leave several times but he says he has nowhere. I think it’s worse that I’m with him as I feel more alone! If I wasn’t with him I would have no choice but to do everything! I have had full blown breakdowns in front of him and explained I’m really struggling. I get in reply “I’m tired too you know, works hard at the moment” I should also add he works away Mon-Sat and then spends Sundays doing his hobbie. Not giving me a break 😞

OP posts:

AdriannaP · 30/05/2021 22:36

Is she in a different room? Can you try and teach her to self settle? Either that or you need to get rid of the dummy. Will be two painful nights and then ok. Honestly OP you can’t wake up once an hour to out her dummy back in. If that’s the only reason she wakes for. Big hug and hope jt gets better soon.

sherrystrull · 30/05/2021 22:38

Ds 1 was just the same at about 6/7 months. I think it was the start of weaning and he was hungry. I made sure he fed really well during the day including a bowl of rice pudding before bed and he started to sleep better. It won't last. I know that's easy for me to say. You're doing really well.

Original poster

Jodielaa · 30/05/2021 22:39

@AdriannaP

To be honest I don’t even think it is the dummy. She’s not a massive lover of it anyway and dosent use it through the day. I just don’t know what else it could be. I put her dummy in stroke her head and she goes back off. Somethings waking her I’m just unsure what

OP posts:

Twizbe · 30/05/2021 22:40

I sleep trained at 9 months and tbh it sounds like you need to bring out the big guns here.

You say you only have 1 bedroom, what other rooms do you have? Can you be in separate rooms for sleeping?

I used controlled crying with my 2 and it was sooo good. It took about 4 nights and they slept through from then on (except when ill)

Original poster

Jodielaa · 30/05/2021 22:40

And she’s in the same room as myself

OP posts:

halfwaythrough2 · 30/05/2021 22:41

Sounds like teething as well! Honestly they are such a bugger and play havoc with sleep for some time! Lots of calpol and a million dummies in the cot and less going in to settle should help, might feel a bit mean at first but you also need sleep! Especially with a useless man around xxx

Original poster

Jodielaa · 30/05/2021 22:42

@Twizbe

I sleep trained at 9 months and tbh it sounds like you need to bring out the big guns here.

You say you only have 1 bedroom, what other rooms do you have? Can you be in separate rooms for sleeping?

I used controlled crying with my 2 and it was sooo good. It took about 4 nights and they slept through from then on (except when ill)

Just one bedroom and living room/kitchen/ bathroom. It’s temporary whilst out house is getting refurbished. Can you tell me more about the controlled crying please? Tonight I tried not going in a few times and she was hysterical

OP posts:

BloomingTrees · 30/05/2021 22:46

You need to have a major go at your DH. Ultimaton time, either he steps up or you kick him out.
You have my full sympathy. My second was a rubbish sleeper. We had a year of broken sleep and it took a while to recover but my DH did his share so we could at least get a few hours sleep straight. I discovered I need 4 hours min. to function.

Another drastic option would be to book yourself into a hotel for a night and leave your dh to get on with it.

AdriannaP · 30/05/2021 22:48

Teething for 8 weeks? I think more likely she gets disturbed by your or DH and is used to you stroking her back to sleep. Would definitely try and move her to the living room/different room if you can, make it as dark as possible and don’t immediately go in when you hear her wriggle/move. At this age she should definitely be able to sleep 6-8 hour stretches.

Twizbe · 30/05/2021 22:48

Sure

So I followed this plan but there are others.

Started by making sure the day time routine was sound and using the technique in the day when I have more energy.

You can do the same thing at night.

When they cry go in and pat their bum, shhh them, turn them over whatever but don't pick them up.

Leave

If they still cry wait 2 mins before going back in and shhh or pat

Leave

Wait 4 mins and repeat the shh

Leave

Wait 6 mins, then 8 mins then 10 mins. After that always wait 10 mins before you go back in.

They will cry and likely cry for a good few 10
Min intervals but with each night it gets easier and they cry less.

If they wake again in the night go back to 2 mins and work up again.

Consistency is key and you must keep going.

It won't harm baby, you won't psychologically damage them for life, you won't hurt them. It's ok

MeadowLines · 30/05/2021 22:48

Babies sleep in 45 minute cycles, so sometimes it helps to temporarily go in and make them stir - not wake, just before they were 'due' to wake themselves. The idea is that this breaks the cycle of actually fully waking after each cycle, and they start to sleep through.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 30/05/2021 22:50

Controlled crying and self settle is your friend here. How does she go to bed in the evening?

Sounds so so tough and your dp needs to do one. Ultimatum time, he sorts things out or you're off.

How long til you have a 2 bed place?

Move the cot close to your bed so you can shove a dummy in and go back to sleep quickly in the short term.

13579db · 30/05/2021 22:50

You'll have to let her cry

Took 3 nights

As long as she isn't wet nappy/hungry etc then she just has to figure it out

Wish I did this with our second, but I did it with the third and had slept through since then for years.

Keep the usual day routine, you'll learn to listen to the different cries, and the middle of the night cries are often fake sounding (sorry to sound harsh) but they aren't full on big cries So she possibly is waking, looking for dummy, expecting you to fix it etc

Let her cry

Someone told me that a baby at 4 months can master the gag reflex so they don't choke, then they can master how to get back to sleep too

TooMinty · 30/05/2021 22:56

On the sleep, can she self settle when you first put her down? However she gets to sleep originally will probably be how she settles in the night too. By that age mine had comforters to cuddle. And if you can get her a separate room to sleep in that would definitely help, or even put the cot in the hall or on the landing?

On your OH, him not having anywhere to go isn't your problem. Have you got a friend or relative who can come round and help you make him leave?

Original poster

Jodielaa · 30/05/2021 23:08

Thank you all, some great advice. She used to go down great at 7pm and would self settle herself. However this has gone out the window and recently I’ve been laying with her to get her to sleep. But tonight I was that tired I just let her cry, I kept going in after a few mins as she was becoming hysterical. She finally dozed off after 1 hour and half of screaming.
I have thought About moving her cot in the landing, or room but I felt awful and also thought it would be more hassle going in another room constantly. It’s hard as I also have DC2 who is in primary school also in the same room as us. I think that’s how we have fallen into this as I would jump up as soon s she made a noise so she didn’t wake dd2. Hopefully the house should be done for august. Which right now seems a lifetime away!

OP posts:

BloomingTrees · 30/05/2021 23:27

I wrote my post before seeing your latest re. your DH. He sounds awful.
Yes to trying her sleeping in the other room / hallway. We moved both ours into their bedroom at 6 months.
Also lots of outdoor time during the day helped with mine.

MinnieJackson · 31/05/2021 05:45

Ah I feel for you OP, my eldest was like this and my younger two weren't much better! I haven't got any other tips for you, but just wanted to say how shite it is. Any chance you can get a nap in the day? It's half term here though so might be hard with your ds.

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