How to punish this?

[losingtheplottt]

My dd (bloody annoying d) is making me lose my mind. She is 7, nearly 8.

Every night its a constant battle.

I tuck her in, she gets out up to 10 times with the most stupid excuses, it ruins my evening, puts me in a shit mood for dp and she isnt going to sleep until 10 so must be knackered!!

I do the whole, no X tomorrow (ipad, tv etc etc) or the reward chart thing, or the screaming the house down in fury thing. Being nice just makes her take the piss more.

WTF do i do?!?!?

What happens if you just plain ignore her? Obviously keeping an eye she's not doing anything dangerous.

Return her to bed every time without a single word, no engagement at all.

@DecorChange she will come into the front room, so its sort of impossible to ignore.

I know what you mean though, its like giving in is what she wants

My 8 year old is the same and I just send her back to bed with no fuss - she's looking for the fuss and the fuss extends the time she's out of bed. When she moans she's tired in the morning I explain why and show no sympathy. I don't use any punishments as they aren't immediate (iPads etc) so pretty ineffective anyway

Stick on an audiobook for her

Go have a bath and lock the door....

I wouldn't tbh.

I find DD6 is quite easy to deal with in the day but night time is when she needs reassurance, when she opens up about her worries etc. Some kids just feel really insecure at bedtime (I did, hated being on my own and struggled to go to sleep which made me quite anxious- I still struggle to go to sleep now but it's a lot easier as an adult as I can get up, wander around, put the kettle on etc)

I generally let DD have 3 "passes" to get out of bed- she doesn't often use 3 - just knowing she can come to me if she wants is enough.

Is your partner her dad?

@cocoloco987 When you say no fuss, do you walk her back to bed? Or send her on her way?

@Aprilwasverywet hahaha tempting!!

What’s her bedtime routine? Does she have a wind down with a bath and a story? Does she read to herself or have an audio book? What time is she going at?

We started having this issue with DS1 at a similar age. Had it for a good couple of years. Then recently someone mentioned mediation stories. Solved the issue in one night.
I think he struggles to switch his mind off so he can't settle and that makes him get up and look for attention. The story gives him something to focus on and he just falls asleep. He's 9 almost 10 now.

I can recommend these ones...insighttimer.com/chrissyortner/guided-meditations/yuri-and-the-dragons-kids-sleep-meditation-and-story

What sort of things does she get out of bed for? Drink toilet etc? Pre empt those and have her get them down before bed where possible.

Is she tired when she goes to bed? Could she read in bed for a bit?

Do it. Tell her you clock off at 8...

@pollylocketpickedapocket no, so its still just me thats the focus. For example only ever coming to find me not him, occasionally will go for a hug but that all

Go for a brisk walk at some point so she can burn off energy and talk.

Can she have a run around in a garden after school/ sports club?

A nice read together and a chat at bedtime? It can be a nightmare. I tried a quiet time rule. Calm music/bed/ bath or shower etc and read til lights off.

'puts me in a shit mood for dp' is an odd comment. Maybe your dd senses this is your focus and feels pushed out?

Agree with the audiobook suggestion. I tend to sit with mine until they drift off. It's less time and energy than the tooting and froing.

Use the Stay in Bed technique.

First time she comes out, 'it's bedtime darling' and take her back to bed. Second time, 'it's bedtime' and back to bed. Third and subsequent times, don't say a word, just take her back to bed. Keep doing this and (in theory) she will give up and stay there. By engaging with her, you're feeding her attention.

I would walk her back to bed every time saying nothing and the following day when she asks for iPad/tv/screen time etc calmly say sorry but last night you did xy and z so maybe tonight we can try again to earn it for tomorrow..
Keep on repeating until they get the message and take responsibility for their own ‘rewards’
I’ve been there and It’s exhausting I know, I feel for you!

@UhtredRagnarson so
Its bath/shower etc then getting ready for bed, no screen time, i let her have wind down time in her room from 7, then 7:30 sometimes 8 its lights out.

Then comes my 2 hour slow death

@CroydianSlip oh no thats very much a side note and more about me feeling annoyed that instead of having a nice evening with him it puts me in a mood. It was the same before him anyway, it put me in a mood when i was solo and ruined my evening the same way.

Might sound selfish but im so over it by that point

You say 'must be knackered' which suggests she isn't actually showing signs of tiredness in the day, or you'd say?

I'd be tempted to help her learn to self regulate, which can work better in these situations. Agree with her that she can have her light on until 10pm as long as she is quiet and does not demand attention, don't make threats or deals or bargain, they just don't work for bedtimes. A reward for X number of nights with not messing about might help. Try and say the behaviour you do want, positive goals are always easier to achieve than negative!

@RhubarbFairy omg i love that!!! Thank you so much. I tell her to make stories up in her head with her eyes closed (lol) but that doesnt work so this is fab.

I’d push bedtime back later. 7.45/8pm (mine were always 8am-7pm at that age) and make sure she’s actually tired. Leave lots of lights open, the front room door open, and say that you will pop up in 10mins to see if she is ok.