Cosleeping no longer working

[Buttonsandbits]

My DS has never been a great sleeper from day one but we were hit by the four month regression and he was back to two feeds a night and multiple wake ups. Fast forward three months and I feel like we are in an even worse position. In response to the regression we ended up cosleeping a lot of the time which meant we got at least a couple of solid blocks of sleep, but recently everything has gone to pot. When DS turned six months we decided to move him to his own cot, thinking we could also be disturbing him in the night, although him being in our bed never bothered us. He did about a week and felt like we were getting somewhere but then he got a cold from somewhere and was really unsettled all night and struggled to breathe...we ended up having him back in with us for the entire week. Since then, everything has just gone to pot. We generally put him down between 7 and 8 in his cot but an hour later he is awake again and needs resettling. We tried leaving him a couple of minutes last night to see if we’d been reacting too quickly previous nights, but it quickly progressed into an inconsolable cry. We tried to resettle him and it just wasn’t happening and we eventually conceded and put him in our bed where he nodded straight back off. He is regularly unsettled in the night even in our bed now and I just feel like I’ve gone wrong somewhere...I feel like I’ve created bad habits but don’t know how to break them.

Forgot to put - does anyone have any tips?? We’ve got a few dates during the summer where we need grandparents to babysit overnight but it’s not looking good. Also in case anyone asks, he is still on three naps a day (45-60 mins in a morning, 60-90 mins lunch time, 30-60 mins late afternoon)

No advice about changing to cot I'm afraid as my 9mo is still in work me, but I will say that the disturbed sleep is not necessarily anything you've done - it's a big developmental period for them from about 7/8mo with teething, changing mobility etc which can cause sleep regression. If you didn't have a babysitting deadline I'd say just keep him in your bed for a bit longer and try again a bit later, but given the circumstances I think maybe you'll just have to persevere - even if he only does the first part of the evening in the cot then that's a good start, and maybe you can gradually work up to getting him to settle back in there for longer periods. Does he sleep in there OK for daytime naps?

6 to 9 months is the worst time for sleep in my experience. You say cosleeping is not working what do mean? Do you just mean he is unsettled over night? Have you tried giving nurofen before bed incase he is teething?

@Nowisthemonthofmaying he sleeps anywhere in the day depending on what we’re doing (pram/car/my bed if I want a sleep too/cot). Sometimes I like that he will sleep anywhere but then don’t think it’s doing me many favours at night. I think you’re right, any sleep in his cot is a start so we will just persevere and cross those babysitting issues when he hit them.

@Fitforforty cosleeping used to mean we got solid sleep around any feeds as he didn’t seem to rouse but now he’s flapping out, frequently disturbed or crying so we aren’t really feeling the previous benefits! He’s a generally content baby in the day and sleeps well, it’s just overnight we have issues. I may try nurofen and the teething gel again, I had used it for a period about a month ago thinking it was teething but stopped so maybe will try it again in case it’s that

Anbesol liquid is the beat topical teething medicine.

I’m not sure if what you describe is an issue with cosleeping but more of a typical sleep regression issue. I wish I had something better to offer you.

I chose sleep and still have DS in bed with me at 17 months lol.

My little ones sleep is also horrific and sleeping with me doesn't seem to help

The only thing I can think to change in your situation is maybe try to cut down the times of the day naps? (Just an idea - I certainly haven't cracked it myself)

It’s nothing you’ve done and it is likely just a phase.

Don’t put him to bed before 8pm, and try to get him to have his naps in his cot.

I’m wondering am I just one of the unlucky ones who has a bad sleeper (seem to be surrounded by the opposite with all my friends!! Typical). Bedtime wise, we’ve trialled earlier and later bed times and it doesn’t really seem to impact the quality of sleep, if anything sometimes the earlier bedtime has given a better night. I wish it was easy as having an obvious reason - if I knew it was teething at least it would explain things (can’t see or feel anything atm). I hate not knowing what’s wrong and second guessing everything! @MyPanda do you think he’s having too much sleep in the day then?? He’s so cranky when tired I don’t know how I’d manage to keep him up to a reasonable bed time hour if his naps were any shorter

@Buttonsandbits - it's just an idea to maybe try. I am certainly no expert! Mine never napped that much but then she has always woken after one sleep cycle for naps and her night time sleep is terrible too... So maybe don't listen to me 😬🤷‍♀️

@Buttonsandbits I always find teething pain is the worst before there's any sign of them - once they're visible under the gums and coming through they don't seem to be an issue, weirdly! So it could be teething.

Their sleep changes so much though all the time - my baby is currently going through a phase of rolling around, crying out and then falling straight back to sleep again, no idea why. It helps that we have loads of space in the bed as if she bumps into me she starts rooting for a boob so I try and keep my distance unless she's really upset or hungry during the night. We're just figuring things out as we go along

@Nowisthemonthofmaying we’re also having a bit of a similar issue...our little boy has learnt to roll properly in this last week and absolutely loves it...even in his sleep, but he doesn’t love being on his front to sleep so much so there’s lots of issues with that. He also loves to roll into me and unfortunately we don’t have that much room so I’m getting a lot more kicks than I did in the early days!!

I would cut out that late afternoon sleep. A morning nap, and a good after lunch nap, then start the bedtime routine at 6pm with the aim to have him in the cot by 7pm.

I would stop chopping and changing where he sleeps if possible. He needs to associate his cot with sleep. Also when he cries in his cot, try to settle him back without resorting to taking him out of it. Yes I know it’s not easy! Try the shush Pat method. It may mean a mattress on his floor for one of you for a couple of nights.

@MissyB1 he’s not quite seven months yet so I thought his napping was quite standard for his age? If not, then maybe I should work to this. I’m not quite sure how it would pan out though, he still gets sleepy every couple of hours so usually his routine roughly looks like: wake 6.30am, bottle and breakfast then first nap 8.30-9.30am, bottle then second nap 12pm-1.30pm, lunch then bottle and final nap 3.30-4.15pm, tea then bottle and bed between 7 and 8pm. I could probably push to keep him awake for three hours at a time but he is literally falling asleep so not sure how I’d drop that final nap until his other naps become later if you see what I mean?

You could try the morning nap from 8-9, early lunch before napping from 12.30 until 2.30. Bottle when he wakes, then tea at 5pm, playtime till 6 then bedtime routine. May or may not work.
Either way I think keeping him in his cot for sleep, (even if you are comforting him there), is probably your best bet for teaching him to sleep in there. It’s hard though I know.

What comes to mind is that him co-sleeping is disturbing his sleep too. I would make sure he is not overtired in the evening. Not sure how old he is but not awake longer than 3,5-4 hours before bedtime if he is about 1year old.

My 18mo goes to bed 6:30pm (bedtime routine start) and although it may take him a bit to fall asleep he is generally out by 7/7:30pm. I would take side off the cot and put it to your bed. Then move him there while you are still next to him but he has his own space. And take it from there.

What worked for us (still does) is settle down with BF/bottle and sit next to him. Dark room (blackout blinds) and white noise. No talking. I used to pat my to sleep when younger, now I just sit next to cot and gently lower him if needed. If all else fails and he starts playing giggling and just messing around, I take his blanket and dummy out and let him cry. I am still there, but make it obvious it's not playtime but sleep time. After some minutes I give him his blanket and dummy back and 9 out of 10 times he just calms down and falls asleep almost at once. It may look mean, but we have a 6wo as well and I just cannot have them both awake all night for my own sanity.

@MissyB1 I think it’s definitely something to work towards although I don’t think he’s quite ready to drop that final nap, like I said before, he is literally falling asleep beyond a certain amount of time so I don’t think I could keep him up for that final stretch just yet and I’m not always confident he would have a two hour nap after lunch so that would make it even harder! I think I might start stretching his wake windows a little bit though where possible so we can eventually drop it.
@ZooKeeper19 he will be seven months next week and based on others’ replies, I’m not sure if he’s the opposite of overtired and could perhaps do to shorten or eliminate one of his naps as he’s a good sleeper in the day so definitely gets enough. I’m considering moving his cot into our room (despite being a squeeze). Do you think this might help the transition? Maybe we were a bit hasty expecting him to settle in a cot in his own room after cosleeping all night for the last couple of weeks. I don’t think your way sounds mean! It’s not like sitting in another room listening to them get distressed on their own and ignoring it...I actually find mine drops off easier if he is without is dummy and a bit worked up and then I replace it and he’s also asleep within seconds (until he wakes up an hour later haha)

Hi all, me again...

So the last two nights I’ve decided to set up camp in my baby’s room with two aims: so at least one of us (my DH) can get a solid night’s sleep and to try and encourage my DS to get used to his cot and break the habit of thinking our bed is his.

The first night, he woke pretty much every hour but was easily resettled (I gave him a few sips of water a couple of times as he is bottle fed but didn’t want feeding just seemed to want a drink). He couldn’t be resettled at 5am so I had him with me for another hour before woke. Husband got a full night sleep and baby remained in his cot until 5 so kind of a success?

Last night was a different story, again woke up every hour and when waking at 1am could not be resettled. I tried the usual methods and he was clutching at my arm like a koala - I tried to be persistent and leave him in the cot but nearly an hour later and he was still not back to sleep and was unsettled, to which I ended up having him with me. He went straight to sleep when cuddled but then was up about three times after that anyway.

I just feel so disappointed, I don’t know what’s going on and I’d happily cuddle him all night if he slept solidly but all it does is calm him for another burst of sleep before he rouses crying again. I’ve tried nurofen and teething gel in case it’s that but it’s made no difference. Is there something wrong in my methods? I tried leaving him longer than I usually would last night as well and he did take himself back to sleep a couple of times but others not. Please help

Have you recently started weaning? Could something new in his diet be bothering him? Or too cold? Just suggestions of other things to consider!

I would also cap the last nap at half an hour. Do a half 6 bed time if you need to.

Yes started weaning about a month ago...was doing mainly pureed veg and fruit and offer them as finger food also with the occasional slice of toast thrown in. I scrapped the toast thinking that can cause indigestion but it’s not really made much difference! Could it be weaning in general bothering him? I will try cutting that last nap and an earlier bed time and see if that helps

Could he just be going through a sleep regression OP?

I’d really recommend controlled crying. He’s in his cot now, but he needs help getting to sleep between sleep cycles. That’s why he’s waking up and unable to go back to sleep.

His nap times are good for his age, don’t drop a nap yet or he will be overtired. You need to keep a consistent bedtime routine - bath, pjs, milk, story then lay him in his cot and say “good night” and leave him. Return every few minutes to shush him and reassure him for 30 seconds, leave him again. It will be hideous the first few nights because he will cry a lot and you’ll wonder why you’re doing it but he will sleep through pretty quickly, likely by about night 3.

@DinoHat is there usually one around this age mark? I feel like he’s never progressed to regress haha but I guess it’s worse than ever this past week so could well be.

@ShirleyPhallus I tried this last night to an extent, on some of the occasions he did put himself back to sleep but then there were some he was getting progressively more and more worked up and properly crying. Like I said I spent nearly an hour between 1 and 2am trying to settle him in his cot...would you just keep persevering until he does drop off eventually even after so long?

You have to be completely committed to it. So you can’t let him cry on one wake up, then go to him on another, then pick him up and put him down on another, then on another you take him in to your bed etc. It has to be a really consistent message of “I love you, but nighttime is for sleeping so go to sleep”. Otherwise he just won’t understand. That’s why you should return every few minutes and give him a shush and a stroke so he knows you’re still there.

Unfortunately the parts when he is crying a lot are really awful. But it does pass, and when we did it the first night was the worst. She calmed down very quickly and slept though by night 3.