Cosleeping no longer working

[Buttonsandbits]

My DS has never been a great sleeper from day one but we were hit by the four month regression and he was back to two feeds a night and multiple wake ups. Fast forward three months and I feel like we are in an even worse position. In response to the regression we ended up cosleeping a lot of the time which meant we got at least a couple of solid blocks of sleep, but recently everything has gone to pot. When DS turned six months we decided to move him to his own cot, thinking we could also be disturbing him in the night, although him being in our bed never bothered us. He did about a week and felt like we were getting somewhere but then he got a cold from somewhere and was really unsettled all night and struggled to breathe...we ended up having him back in with us for the entire week. Since then, everything has just gone to pot. We generally put him down between 7 and 8 in his cot but an hour later he is awake again and needs resettling. We tried leaving him a couple of minutes last night to see if we’d been reacting too quickly previous nights, but it quickly progressed into an inconsolable cry. We tried to resettle him and it just wasn’t happening and we eventually conceded and put him in our bed where he nodded straight back off. He is regularly unsettled in the night even in our bed now and I just feel like I’ve gone wrong somewhere...I feel like I’ve created bad habits but don’t know how to break them.

@ShirleyPhallus what age did you do this with yours and how long would you leave them crying and would you offer a feed or anything? It’s something I feel really nervous about doing but it really does seem like this waking up business is purely a comfort thing so I think it may have to be how to overcome it!

I did it at 6.5 months with DD. I switched to dream feeds instead of feeding her when she woke up. Started with 3, then dropped to 2 (keeping a 10pm one) then dropped that one too. She’s now 14 months and has slept 7-7 pretty consistently from then. The best thing is that she has woken sometimes in the night, but then we can be confident it’s teething or something else

I actually had a thread on it at the time. I’ll tag you in it as lots of other people chimed in with success stories too

@ShirleyPhallusWould seem like a good time for me to start also having read your thread. One thing with that method I don’t get is when you go in at those timed intervals, what do you do and how long do you stay?

Hi OP, you're doing really well getting your son to settle in his cot. Don't be disheartened. I too have a one year old who until very recently woke every hour. I think you can have unsettled nights for up to two weeks when making a change so what you describe is pretty normal. You've done two nights and in my experience it gets worse before it gets better. You might have another bad night or two but remain consistent. You've got this far and knowing what I know now I wish I'd intervened with my son's sleep earlier as it gets harder to deal with the older they get.

Hi OP

With CC, you do intervals of 2, 5, 10, 15 minutes. Start the clock when the baby starts crying. So first time you put them down, let them cry for 2 mins, go back in, do not pick them up. Shush, Pat them, tell them to go back to sleep, you love them etc. Do that for 30 seconds - 1 min (you’ll soon learn if it’s helpful or if it’s riling them up to be there, in which case, shorter is better!). Start the timer again for the next interval (so 5 mins), go back in, same thing, comfort for 30 seconds, leave. Repeat in increments up to 15 minutes and then stay at 15 mins. The baby will cry and loudly protest when you leave the room, but you need to stay strong and do not go back pick them baby up etc - will confuse them

We did it and it was excellent, well worth it esp if you’ve exhausted all other options

Just done it now for the first time as he usually just falls asleep on my lap when he’s tired and I carry him to bed. It’s taken 12 minutes (did 2,4 then 6 minute intervals sorry hadn’t read yours @Queenbean) it was bloody horrible and I hope it really is worth it because I feel like the worst mum in the world right now! :( I know something needs to change though so I’m hoping this is the key

Well done OP!! 12 minutes crying is absolutely amazing, well done little one. That’s a great start but stick with it, exactly the same for any night wakings. Don’t take him in to bed, keep on with the timed intervals / popping back in. Good luck tonight!

@Buttonsandbits I’m in a very similar position with DD (7mo) at the minute. When she wakes in the night she sometimes just can’t be settled. I have tried co sleeping (as people suggested) but she seems to just get more and more alert, trying to wake me up, or escaping the bed (which can’t go against a wall). We did mild sleep training at the 4mo mark, and it worked well. Before that she was a great sleeper but the regression was a huge turning point. since cutting teeth and having a cold, we have been sleep deprived. she’s still on 3naps a day, but these rarely go past the 30minute mark. I’m knackered. I too, think she’s going through separation anxiety, as when I go into her, she will instantly stop crying and babble mama mama. When she’s stayed out (overnight) to give me a break, she’s slept through. So I’m lost. Good luck tonight!

Hiya love, I still co sleep with my 2 year old. I have an almost 5 Yr old too, he slept well from around 2 years old. I threw out the books and just realised that baby's naturally wake for comfort. Its a developmental thing. I follow nomilklike mamas on insta and also read sarah ockwell smith book on gentle sleep for some gentle techniques and to understand psychoeucation around baby's and sleep . I used to find it deeply frustrating esp with my first but I guess I just gave in and stopped thinking I was the odd one out with a restless baby. Talking to friends about baby sleep became a trigger for me too and was very unhelpful in the end. I know baby's have leaps which equates to more wake ups. Sorry I don't have advice as such but just to say i understand your predicament and I hope your baby settles soon and you get a good night too xxx

@Buttonsandbits how are you getting on?

@ShirleyPhallus don’t want to tempt fate but seems to be going in the right direction... last night took three minutes at bed time to put himself to sleep then I think I was woken up about five times with noises through the night, the longest cry was less than two minutes... couldn’t believe it! It got to five and he really started crying and wouldn’t be settled after half an hour so I was worried he’d get worked up and be up for the day then so he did come in our bed for an hour at that point but he’s done his first nap on his own in under five minutes! I’m really hoping this is a sign of better sleeping to come so really appreciate all your help and suggestions! Another bonus is that all this has been without a dummy which again was something we were looking to phase out because of his reliance on it during the night, so win win so far! Fingers crossed

Absolutely bloody delighted with you. Hearing them cry is awful isn’t it, but then when they sleep those longer stretches, put themselves to sleep, sleep through etc etc - it’s all really worth it. Bear in mind he might suddenly have one pretty bad night but just keep consistent and you’ll be fine

Loads of luck! Let us know how it goes!

Not gonna lie I almost fell at the first hurdle, I rang my mum crying my eyes out and kept getting weepy through the day because he just seemed knackered and not himself with me (probably in my head) The first night on Tuesday probably wasn’t the worst by some standards, but involved about 30 minutes of crying which felt like an eternity so I felt awful and was thinking to just accept sh*t sleep and cuddle him. Yes me and my husband have said we’re not going to get to pleased with how it’s going as it’s literally been two days but fingers crossed it continues. My only concern is that I’m going to stay with my mum for three nights at the weekend and worrying about how the change of surroundings and potential routine may impact it if it continues to succeed until then.