Brastfeeding

[Newmum29]

I’m struggling to read my 6 week old baby’s cues and am defaulting to feeding her when she’s fussy or cries.

My husband is getting really frustrated when I snap at him. As he does one bottle feed a day, I feel all the weight is on me and I’m very sensitive if he says she’s crying because she’s hungry.

It feels like I’m feeding her all the time (which is exhausting) and she’s never really hungry enough to do a proper feed so we end up with cluster feeding/comfort sucking.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to let her cry it out between feeds but she’s not napping properly either in the day and I know she’s grumpy and exhausted as a result.

I would love 3 hours between feeds but sometimes we get at best 30 mins before she wants me again.

It’s not just early afternoon and evening either. It’s hard to get her to take a nap in the morning or at lunchtime because she just wants to feed.

I’ve tried the sling, walking her in the pram, taking her for a drive and everything else. She’s distracted for that period but still wants to feed the second you stop the motion.

Oh lovely. It’s so hard in the being and breast feeding is more about nutrition. It’s about comfort and reassurance through the 4th trimester. It gets much easier, you just need to hang in a little bit longer. 6 weeks is such a difficult time because the adrenaline is wearing off but babies are still exhausting and some people looking like they are doing so well and doing loads while others are still stuck of the sofa. It’s also the finally push in establishing your supply.

I agree with pp - it's so incredibly tough to start but things should start getting better soon for you.

I've just looked back at the tracker I used and in the first 6 weeks my DS never went more than 2 hours without a feed. Any time he started to fuss or cry I tried a feed as the first point of call and it almost always settled him. Whether he was hungry or wanting comfort, I don't know - but he was happy and would then fall asleep and unlatch and I'd just have him snooze on my chest with me on the sofa most of the time.

We did get out and about to baby groups each day (until lockdown hit when he was about 8 weeks) and yes when he had things to look at there he fed a bit less, but certainly most of my time was spent feeding him.

It's utterly exhausting especially if you're pumping for your DH to do a bottle of EBM. I always had a haakaa or collection cup on my other boob when feeding and that provided more than enough milk for the bottles rather than trying to fit in a specific pumping session. Is that something you could try to reduce the burden a bit or at least kill two birds with one stone?

You do just need to surrender yourself to that little needy potato at this stage sadly. But hang on in there - they'll start interacting with you more soon and honestly it makes such a difference.

At six weeks your baby is still so little. I would keep offering boob whenever they fuss. It can feel exhausting and you don't get much of a break. But why not put your feet up, TV on, get someone to make you mug of tea & biscuit, and keep feeding when required. You might be able to see feeds as quite relaxing sometimes?

As time goes on the cluster feeding should settle and a bit more of a routine should emerge. Breastfeeding is hard work though, especially at the start.

As for naps have you to tried rocking to sleep? Or pram walks?

3 hours between daytime feeds at 6 weeks would be a very big gap - where did you get that from?

During the first 3 months I breastfed baby every 45 minutes to 1.5hrs - this is normal. Comfort sucking and napping on the boob is normal. Try not to set unrealistic expectations for yourself, or your baby. Just sit back and feed when baby wants to. After the 3 month mark it will start to get les frequent.

If in doubt, boob out. You're doing the right thing, even though it feels like you are getting it all wrong.

It's hard to do, but try to encourage your baby to sleep every 90 minutes or so. If they stay awake too long they get wired and then it can take HOURS to get them to calm down and switch off. I stupidly thought if I made my baby stay awake longer in the day he would sleep better at night. Don't do that!

Once your baby is asleep, don't worry about the length of sleep. They might need a 2 hour nap or a 20 minute snooze - that's up to them, but encouraging sleeps helps everything else to fall into place over the coming months x

I think 3 hours between feeds is a formula thing not a bf thing. At that age I was feeding at least every hour in the day and cluster feed all evening. It’s hard work but really normal. I know it’s a bit hollow but I promise it does get easier as they get older!

I found adjusting my expectations helped me stress less. Once I just accepted the number of feeds we’d have and stopped comparing to how many we “should” have it was less frustrating.

Ps my LO is nearly four months old and only goes more than three hrs between feeds at night. During the day I feed at least every two hours. No routine, I just offer a boob whenever (it is rarely rejected ).

If your baby is crying, no you shouldn't leave her to cry at that age. Go through the motions of hungry, tired, wet or dirty nappy.
But some babies do just feed as you describe.
It is hard!

Its so hard, I remember when my 6 month old was that age I was like he CANT want to feed again?! Literally i had like half an hour gaps some evenings. Nothing else was wrong, he just wanted to suckle. But yep, they are cluster feeding, they are working hard to increase your milk supply, so let them feed as often as they like. It's really bloody hard work but you will have a happier baby because she will be comforted by you. You're doing great!! She will settled down soon. X

Six weeks is when many people give up - it's a massive growth spurt, you're knackered, and it's really hard work.

What you're seeing is normal. Offering boob all the time is the right thing to do.

This too shall pass. You're doing a great job.

It’s very full on at the start, it’s ok to feel overwhelmed at 6 weeks there’s very little chance of going 3 hours between feeds, that’s a long time for a tiny baby. My 6mo still doesn’t go that long between feeds during the day, breast milk is high carb and low fat for rapid brain growth so they need to feed often. 6 weeks is also a big growth spurt time abs cluster feeding again is common. Baby will want to feed all the time, that’s normal. So is erratic sleep. It won’t feel like all the time forever though, as they get bigger they get more efficient and feeds get shorter so it feels less full on. Settle in with lots of snacks and don’t worry about anything except you and baby. Would you consider safe cosleeping in bed, combined with feeding lying down it can really maximise your sleep. Hang in there you’re doing great!

Thanks all. To be honest it’s my doctor and psychologist who’ve said I should try for 3 hours between feeds because I’ve got hyperthyroidism and it’s causing so many issues which constant feeding is exacerbating (weight loss etc).

We do get out and about a lot, I’m very lucky with the climate where we live (I’m an ex pat). I think it’s a bit of pressure from my partner to have her in a routine, we’ve both first time parents and I think our expectations were unrealistic.

We’re not going to do co sleeping as we have a close friend who rolled onto her baby and he died tragically so I just don’t want to risk it especially when I’m so tired.

We do manage to get her to nap in the pram or sling sometimes in the day otherwise she’s happy to be on me or occasionally in her bassinet.

At night she wakes for feeds fairly regularly but doesn’t seem to want them if that makes sense? She just wants the comfort of me I think.

Am trying to let go and enjoy it, she’s a gorgeous baby and I’ve been very lucky with my supply so far, she’s putting weight on and seems mostly content when she’s not overtired!

On the other questions she’s actually okay at settling if she’s full but we haven’t been rocking as I keep being told it will create a rod for my own back.

On pumping we had so many issues.. have tried the haakaa but it falls off and we also had a spectra but it caused more engorgement and oversupply.

I’ve got a fast let down which means she often chokes if I’m too full. I’ve been letting it go into a towel and then trying to get her to latch again. It’s hit and miss and all my clothes, bedding seem to be covered in milk which I’m trying to let go.

I also have managed to over feed her a few times which I feel awful about. She threw up all over me and herself yesterday after I did a 40 min feed less than 2 hours after another 40 min feed... I’m not convinced demand feeding isn’t for me as I can’t read her very well. Also find it so hard to burp her when she’s so tiny and I know sometimes she’s uncomfortable with gas x

I also have managed to over feed her a few times which I feel awful about. She threw up all over me and herself yesterday after I did a 40 min feed less than 2 hours after another 40 min feed... I’m not convinced demand feeding isn’t for me as I can’t read her very well.

You can’t over feed a breastfed baby

Babies are regularly sick after feeds because their sphincter muscles haven’t developed yet. It’s totally normal.

Really? But if she’s sick doesn’t that mean I’ve over fed her?

No, it's just she hasn't developed those muscles that keep it down. You are doing great, this first bit is tough. I found thinking of the fourth trimester really helped, it's a big adjustment for all of you. Wireless headphones and my tablet have helped keep my sanity.

Bf is hard and relentless sometimes. I found with my second child that a dummy helped as he was often using me as a dummy anyway (my MW and HV told me this), but they do feed a lot and cluster.
Try to get some good breaks away or sleeping when your DH has her too to help you get a break from it all
Good luck - it will get better

OP if you're on Facebook follow the milk meg and a few ibclcs- Kathryn stagg and Lucy ruddle are both great! Also look around and see if there are any locally to you- I know you said you live abroad so not sure of how close you might find one. I got some free support on nhs when baby was 6 weeks and it was life changing in terms of how much easier it made things feeding wise, but yes I'm afraid 2h feeds are your life for quite a while now

All sounds totally normal, including the being sick.

You won’t make a rod for your back keeping hold of her for sleeps either if you want to, and you may find she naps better.

It does sound as if your doctor and partner are trying to apply formula-fed expectations about timings etc to breastfeeding. With your thyroid, is there any medication you can take whilst feeding so you can demand feed to her schedule without negative effects on you? I don’t think my son had 3 hour between feeds until much, much later on.

My only other thought would be that you really need to eat shockingly more than usual in these early days: when I stopped worrying about ‘you can’t possibly be hungry again’ for myself as well as the baby, and demand-fed myself too, my energy and ability to cope got so much better.

Hang in there. You’re doing a great job!

@Newmum29

Really? But if she’s sick doesn’t that mean I’ve over fed her?

No, it’s really, really not possible to overfeed a breastfed baby.

Their muscles just aren’t fully developed yet. It’s totally normal.

Here we have the infant feed coordinator, it might be worth seeing if you have equilivant. I found my doctor didn't really know much on the topic but the infant feed coordinator was great at supporting me and telling the doctor what I needed.

Ps 2nd the milk meg, it makes you realise how normal your experience is

Lol my first was sick after every feed pretty much for the first 8 weeks! Totally normal as long as they are gaining weight and generally happy and healthy. This all sounds like very typical baby behaviour. It is a lot of hard work but it does get easier (the 12 week mark was a turning point for me both times). My advice is don't clock watch! Watch your baby instead. Any sign of fuss and pop them on. It's also very natural to feed to sleep if that helps. You can't really go wrong to be honest - you just have to power through! I'd have a good read of the kellymom website and other suggestions by pp - you don't need to worry/feel guilty/beat yourself up. It actually sounds like everything is going well and you're doing a great job!

I think you’re doing great
There was an article someone linked to on here about Mongolia and bf and they basically whip a tit out when the baby murmurs. It does work when they are little because that’s what I’ve done with my second.
They are sick as others have said it’s due to muscle development.
My dd is 9 months old and I feed to sleep, it’s the easiest option.
6 weeks is a tough point as they are doing quite a bit of growing. By 12 weeks I found there were longer gaps between feeds. It’s all freewheeling from there as at 6 months they start solids

Oh this is such a tough age OP! They're going through a huge growth spurt (if you haven't already check out the wonderweeks app as it can give you an idea about when they're going through developmental leaps).

I felt exactly the same about not being able to read baby's cues and offered boob for everything but turns out my baby wasn't being very clear , still not sure if all babies are like that but after a few months it really was obvious when she wanted feeding Vs other things.

Also I'd just like to say don't listen to the "you'll make a rod for your own back" brigade. Do what feels right for you. I stressed so much in the early days about not feeding to sleep in case I'd have to do it until she was 18 but in the end I just gave in and I have never had a battle with bedtime at all (she is 14 months now and I have just fully weaned a couple of weeks ago). I thought it would be tough to stop feeding to sleep but I guess it just depends on your baby. My philosophy has always been whatever gets me the happiest baby and the most sleep .

I remember at 6 weeks old thinking I was never going to make it to 6 months breastfeeding and I made it to 13 months so I really understand how isolating and frustrating it can feel, I remember saying "she can't be hungry, I've just fed her!" To my husband on several occasions - he quickly learned to just ask if I wanted a cup of tea and some biscuits while I fed her instead of saying anything haha.