Tired mum wants to work full time

[chocolatesweets]

I have 3 year old twins and they are hard work. I've decided to go back to work full time as it feels much easier. I feel like such a bad mum saying this but they are constant.

I don't think my mil understands as she was shocked when I said I was going back to work full time. She keeps making me feel guilty by saying that my ds misses me when he's away from me all day. Also that nursery could be cruel to them and I wouldn't know. 😖💔

I said nothing could be harder than lockdown, work wise. I feel like I've had enough and just want life to be a little easier for a while. I love my children and was just hoping for some understanding on here.

I don’t think women should have to justify wanting to work full time, part time or not at all (within reason). Because you want to is enough of a reason. They’ll be fine at nursery, 3 is a good age to start as that’s the point at which it starts to be beneficial to them to socialise with their peers. Before that it doesn’t really make any difference.

If you’ve done three years with twins I think you’re a Wonder Woman, and you certainly deserve to get back some of your own identity and return to work. Your twins will love nursery and benefit so much. Do it and very best wishes to you 😊

If you’ve done three years with twins I think you’re a Wonder Woman, and you certainly deserve to get back some of your own identity and return to work. Your twins will love nursery and benefit so much. Do it and very best wishes to you 😊

Absolutely this

I couldn't keep up with my only child at that point, they were in to everything and had the attention span of a gnat.

Nursery is stimulating, fun and social.

You'll probably just appreciate your time with them more, win win all round.

You have my full understanding! I'm sorry she made you feel like that, I am sure that was really upsetting. I'm excited for you going back to work. Best of luck!

It's difficult putting your trust in a nursery and she was projecting all her fears and anxieties onto me. Like I didn't have enough of my own!

I'm looking forward to working.

They will benefit from the socialising and you will benefit from adult interactions.
I also think it is important for them to realise no parents job is more important than the other.

We always took it in turns to stay home when DC were sick. DH earns a lot more than me, but recognised the importance of sharing care.
They also see DH cook and we share cleaning. I did more sport runs, but only because I work 7-3 so was more available.
Now DC are grown and expect their partners to be equal.MIL is projecting her preferences onto you and that is not fair.

My twins are two and I have a six year old and work part time.
This morning I am struggling so much as I feel like they haven't stop crying between them all for one reason or another the whole weekend. It's a really crap environment at my end and we all want a break from each other.
I'm looking at maybe getting them in somewhere one day a week for some respite because I'm honestly a shell of a person.
You have done up to three OP - you are a complete superhero to me!! When they are 3 they get free hours the term after their third birthday anyway so it's a completely normal time to start getting them into a nursery/school type environment.
Do not listen to her criticism- I guarantee it comes from a place of selfishness that she won't be able to see them as often because they will be cared for at nursery.

And with due respect to MIL unless you have twins 24/7 you can never understand how truly relentless it can be. Making you feel bad about it is the absolute pits. Ignore!

You and the twins will both benefit from this.
I never get why people questions mums who want to work full time.
You do you op!

I went back PT, 3 days a week as soon as my twins turned one. I would have gone stir fucking crazy otherwise.

I gradually increased my hours, by the time they turned three and in a mixture of pre school and day care I was a couple of hours under full time so I could pick them up early on Friday.

It made me a better parent. Do what you want and need to do!

You do you, tell your MIL to keep her nose out.

Three years with twins, hats off to you, I went back to work after nine months maternity leave full time and it's been great. I have managed to feel like me again.

I started working part time from the time they were eligible for the 30 hours. We have childcare cover for the other days when I'm working full time so it's no problem. I think it comes from a place of selfishness too. She is more than welcome to take them off my hands though. 🙈

Tell MIL her precious son is welcome to take a turn doing actual parenting

Is your MIL trying to guilt trip her son that the twins miss him when he selfishly goes to work? It will be good for the to be in pre school to socialise and get ready for school

Do what you need to do.

I couldn't wait to go back to work after having a year off with my first Daughter. It's bloody hard work looking after a baby, so I've no idea how you have survived looking after twins for that long.

I've since had a 2nd Daughter. I absolutely love going in to work. Depending on what sort of job you have, it can be absolutely lovely arriving there in the morning. I work in an office and it is bliss having a coffee and a chat whilst doing work throughout the day.

I say go for it.

I also have 3 year old twins and totally get you wanting to work full time! Mine have just started nursery last week for 15 hours, it’s absolute bliss. They get time playing whatever they want in a way that I can’t, and I get 15 magical hours of well, whatever I want. Once September rolls around I’ll increase their hours to 30 a week and get back to work properly.

My two didn’t even say goodbye on their first day, they just ran off and got amongst it. I asked them yesterday what they wanted to do - they asked to go to school!

I don’t think I’m being cruel to them by sending them to nursery. I feel at their age it’s healthy for them to make friends and be apart from each other. They’ve such different interests it was impossible for me to keep both happy at once as they require my constant attention

So no, don’t feel guilty, enjoy work and don’t feel selfish. The only thing I feel bad about is the nursery workers who have my feral DTs for 15 hours a week!

Nursery will be cruel to them?! Is MIL always so batshit and insensitive? You need to do what you need to do and she needs to keep her nose out. Twins are tough!

I don't think my mil understands as she was shocked when I said I was going back to work full time. She keeps making me feel guilty by saying that my ds misses me when he's away from me all day.

Tell her to tell her son to stay home with them then

Was she shocked when the babies father went back to work full time? Did she make him feel guilty about any of it? I'm sure she did not! They will be absolutely fine, you'll enjoy them so much more when you don't have to do it 24/7, and it's none of her (or anyones) ducking business.

This is a good point people have raised about if MIL has guilt tripped your partner - very interesting and I bet she hasn't. It's always the mums! We can't win if we do or we don't work!
Maybe MIL was a martyr and expects you do the same. But don't make the same mistake I say!

I actually laughed a bit when I read what your MIL said. How absurd to lay that burden on you. You know that’s emotional blackmail. It’s really unkind of her to do that. You can say in reply, “you know what you’re completely right MIL. The kids need to be at home with a parent. Will you tell your son to quit work then so can do care for them full time? Thanks sooooo much.”

You’ll know if your kids are deeply unhappy at nursery, it will be obvious. My dd loved her nursery, made friends, came home having stories to tell and having learned new words and done so many activities I couldn’t have fitted in at home around housework. And at home I was a happy, enthusiastic mummy with money in my bank account so I could afford to do lovely things with my dd when she was with me. Win, win. And yes OF COURSE my DD missed me, but once she was busy in her day it was fine for both of us.

She went out on day trips, played in the mud kitchen, did umpteen arts and crafts, played with the nursery pets. The nursery leader had a little pretend school to play in, to get them ready for reception. Her transition to school was so easy as a result, and she is contented, well-adjusted, sociable, has a very strong immune system. It is all due to being in nursery 5 days a week.

So go for it. You know you aren’t wrong.

I have 3 DC. While I love them to the ends of the earth most of the time there’s not a chance in hell I could be a FT SAHM.

I’m frontline NHS. That is less stressful that home educating them during the school closures.

You’re not alone, OP.

I've 3 children and returned to work full time when they were all 6 months old. They've all benefitted massively from having a good childminder and mixing with other kids. They're confident and sociable and never clingy.
My mother didn't work and I grew up in a very poor family with everything being a struggle. She was also horrified when I returned to work when my babies were so small but I didn't regret it.
Yes, my children would probably like to see me more but I split everything with my husband and think my kids are proud I've a good career.
If you want to work full time go for it. I think in the long run you'll be pleased you did.

My twins are 4.5 now - they started going to nursery for two sessions a week when they were 2 as they got funded hours due to receiving DLA (they are both autistic). I sent them even though I only work very part time and it was really good. When they were 3 they went to 3 days a week even though I didn’t increase my hours - I am so exhausted all the time (I have health issues myself and they have high needs). After a hellish year of lockdown and now respite plus an SEN tribunal they now attend specialist school full time and it’s been the best thing ever for them.

Twins is relentless and my time at work definitely felt like a break - I used to have to get the train to some meetings and that 30 mins quiet time was like a spa break to be honest. Even the work was relaxing (despite it not being relaxing!)

Now that they are at school I’m restarting my business and really enjoying it.

To be honest you might find full time a bit tough if they are still struggling with sleep at all - mine still sleep badly and I couldn’t do a full time consistent job. After a weekend I’m absolutely exhausted. So it really depends on them and everything around it to get the right balance for you and of course what you can afford (hopefully you get some funded hours as childcare for twins is so expensive).

Don’t be worried about them being at nursery five days a week - it’s been so good four our two, and it won’t be long until they’re at school full time anyway so it’s good for them to get used to it.