To be worried about having second baby so close

[quiteqwerty]

Our first baby who is 9 months old was planned and very wanted; I just found out I am 3 months pregnant (!) and although unplanned is also very wanted - I feel very blessed to even have one at all with early menopause and other issues.
Just feeling worried about how we will not just cope but thrive on just about everything at involves having siblings so close in age - any advice or practical hacks really appreciated!

I had a fifteen month gap.. it was nice in pregnancy cause I was tired and my daughter was still having 11 am naps, so I used to nap with her...

17 month gap here. They love each other. We did have 5 years of no sleep though. Would happily have had a 3rd with the same gap.

Yes year 1 was a bit mad. Get little 1no 1 into good sleep routine if you can so at least she’s sorted when baby comes along.. she seemed so grown up when he was born! But they grew together are the best of friends and like same tv shoes, books, games etc.. yes it’ll be busy but mine are 9 and 10 now and rely on each other for friendship and fun.. congratulations!!!

Have you family support? Or a childminder to help?

I've a 16 month gap between my first two. I don't remember much of DS2's first year, but after that it was fine. They've grown up to be very close which is lovely.

12 months 3 weeks gap between DC 1 and 2, and an 18 month gap between dc 2 and 3. So I had 3 in less than 3 years.

It's hard, and anyone who says it isn't is frankly lying but my opinion is it's better to get the 'shit' years ie: sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, nappy changes, breast feeding etc all done and out the way at once!

13 months gap here. First 18 months of DC2s life was a complete blur. It was incredibly hard, no family support and DH working long hours.

Positives: both DC would have a 2 hour nap at lunch so I'd use that time to sleep or have time to myself.

Also now they're a little older, parenting is SO EASY! DC play together, watch the same thing on TV, similar interests etc.

Was your first a c-section or natural? I'd be more concerned about your own body coping rather than sibling relationships!

Thanks so much for taking the tome to reply Yes I really hope they get along hut also heard that the age gap is irrelevant if their personalities clash for example..
Sleep or lack of it is a real worry as I am only just recovering from it but then I think other people must have a way of getting through it and surviving because you just have to?
My mum who lives relatively close could help out but she is getting old and unable to lift / go up stairs / in short she's need someone to help her.
Wondering how those with twins cope; it can't be that different!

Also - when exactly are the 'hard' years over and done with?

@Elouera I had three c sections in 33 months and coped just fine!

I think it’s easier than having a newborn and toddler. You have two babies - double buggy, two high chairs, nap times. My oldest two are 14 months apart (then 20 months between 2&3, 2.5 years between 3 & 4).
It was hard work, but having small children - however you do it is.

Elouera Has a point. It’s recommended to wait at least a year between giving birth and falling pregnant again. I imagine that will be the biggest risk to the OP, I’m sure her current DC and new baby will be just fine.

@Elouera yes you're right, considering my body is an afterthought..! my first was a vag assisted delivery, also had retained placenta that came out a week later followed by post partum haemorrhage.. I hope the next one will be easier.. even though I suffered from quite a shock, weirdly my focus is more on my 9 month old - how will she cope if I am in hospital for a week and she can't visit due to damn Covid..

Then again I've always wanted to children so due to hereditary body issues this might be my only chance at it. Not that I have a choice now that it's 3 months lol

@quiteqwerty- A friend suffered infertility, failed IVF and an ectopic. She fell naturally and despite breastfeeding exclusively, fell again when the baby was 3mths old. It was twins, so she had 3 babies under 18mths old! She needed alot of help from relatives but got through it. Do you have any family support if needed?

Some positives about small gaps (mine is 20months, which although small is miles away from 15months).

• DD1 can't remember there not being DD2. Within a few days it was like she had always been there
• They are in the same stage of toys. No fiddly bits of Lego and Playmobil around a crawling baby for example
• they play together... Not a first, but down the line
• As they get older you are only sorting holidays around one age group (our first ski holiday for example... We went just after DD2s 4th birthday so they were in ski school together instead of one in the crèche and one in ski school. They were in different groups by the end, but at first they were together)
• if you're lucky vthey might do the same clubs... Mine do watersports, cricket, Cubs, skiing and swimming together (not all year round!!)
• they were constant companions last year. Hopefully not having a lockdown like that again though

Negatives.

• Morning sickness with a weaning baby and nappies... But if you've just found out you've might have avoided this
• childcare fees for two is expensive. It's easy to say it's a shared cost, but when childcare is more than one person earns...
• I didn't get a whole night's sleep for five years.

Overall...
You can do this. We cope because we have to. And the rewards outweigh everything.

(My friend had four under 3.5years. I had a lot of admiration for her.)

Our 2nd and 3rd have 16.5mth gap, then we fell pregnant with twins not long after the 3rd turned 2 (failed coil). I do it alone most of the time as dh is military and away a lot, planned baby 6 and due Aug.

It can be tiring in the early days but you adapt and survive it. Routines become your best friend, they can entertain each other a lot which allows you to get bits and bobs done. We had no jealousy with the younger ones, the eldest was 5 when number 2 came and I had to take him everywhere with me as she hit him a couple of times.
Physically you will manage with pregnancies close together, do try to carve out some time for exercise to strengthen your body after birth. My body was pretty broken after carrying our huge twins (17lb combined at birth) but I repaired it with exercise, though I should have started earlier than I did as I lived in constant pain for over 2 years. Currently still powerlifting in this pregnancy despite having spd/pgp again.

That’ll be the same age gap as us; I don’t know what it’s like yet because I’m only 23 weeks pregnant today and DC is 11 months old today woohoo.

Congratulations - I’m sure it’ll be fine.
I don’t think anything can be as shocking as not ever having held a baby and suddenly having one of your own 😂

I have 13 months between my two and one thing I will say is be as good to yourself - mind and body as much as possible. You may need extra vitamins and minerals, especially iron, (I really did) Spatone sachets are much gentler on the stomach than the tablets; sleep (yep they napped at the same time after a while) and even if you're tempted to use those two glorious hours for housework or something equally tedious - please don't! Sleep along with them or have a bath or watch a film.
Yes, it's two sets of nappies, two bottles etc but it's also two x beautiful faces and 2x the love!
(I know I'm veering very close to netmums territory saying that, but it's bloody true!)

For some reason I was honestly quite shocked when ds2 had a completely different personality from his sibling!
But then I was more relaxed about most things second time around and it does seem to rub off on the baby!

By the time ds2 started talking I remember telling the hv I was a bit concerned that he wasn't doing much of it and she told me that often happens when siblings are close in age - he had ds1 to talk for him so he was less fussed. He's more than made up for it in the last decade though.
One very happy difference was the birth; ds1 took days to make his appearance and was very dramatic: I ended up with 2 epidurals and a spinal block. Ds1 then insisted on both a vontous and forceps or plunger and salad tongs as the doctor hilariously joked with DH!

Ds2 on the other hand was a little darling and was done and dusted in 40 mins - he was so quick we didn't even make it to the hospital and I gave birth in the bathroom at home. So if they tell you you'll have a much quicker birth this time round - it's true!
Finally and I know everyone says this but the early years do go so very quick OP, so enjoy it as much as you can!

@KILNAMATRA @Elouera Yes I have my mum who is willing to help although not very mobile so not sure if she'd need help herself!

@Aroundtheworldin80moves Good to hear about things like the clubs in common etc but yes you're right about childcare.. I was hoping to go back to work to pay for childcare before I knew I was expecting another.
Looks like 5 years sleeplessness seems a running theme too!

Planned 11 month gap and its the best thing ever. They are so close and it’s so much easier than I expected (at 3.5 and 2.5 years).

@Chelyanne Congratulations on your latest baby! You must be some sort of superwoman on top of being a military spouse, total respect!
What sort of exercise did you do post partum to regain a healthy body?

@FTEngineerM Congrats on your latest pregnancy!
So true, nothing is as shocking as going from babyless to having made a little human the first time.

@MySocalledLoaf SO glad to hear it!