Can't wean my baby off bf

[NigellaSeed]

I'm really struggling. I go back to work in 1 month and I can't get my baby to sleep. DS is 11m. Has always fed to sleep. Currently he has am milk and bedtime milk, then the two daytime naps I'm trying to drop those milk feeds. We dropped his night time feeds at about 9 months. He eats 3 meals and snacks. If I take him in the buggy, he will sleep and when he wakes he doesn't ask for milk so he can actually skip both day feeds happily.

But I can't get him to sleep anymore. I've not managed once. My OH can rock him to sleep, but he works during the week. I've tried everything, leaving him in the cot and sitting in a chair, cuddles, patting, stroking hair, pupd, tried introducing a dummy (doesn't like them)

Currently, he will scream and cry until a) my partner comes in from the office (WFH) and takes over or b) I give up and put him in buggy and rock him

The longest it's gone on for is almost 2 hours of him crying and me trying everything.

It feels awful - I feel so guilty that I've not taught him how to self soothe when he was smaller :(

I understood weaning would be hard - but this feels impossible. How do I do it?

Thanks to anyone for reading and appreciate any advice.

Are you doing this so he'll be ok when he's in childcare and doesn't have the feeds? In all honesty OP, I was in a very similar situation and basically, just sent in expressed milk the first couple of days, she never took a bottle, and she stopped asking. They don't 'need' all the feeds at that age, they just associate you, and comfort, with them.

So you might find its easier just to go with whatever works at the moment, then feed before drop off and after pick up, and trust that he'll get used to not having the daytime feeds quite euickly. I tortured myself trying to figure out ways to express in work before I went back, even though I hated expressing and DD never really wanted a bottle, and basically wihtin four days it was clear she was happy to have no milk when I wasn't there, and to feed when she saw me again. It did mean we had an 'extra' feed - basically I'd pick her up at 5.30 and feed the second we got in the door, then she'd have another before bedtime feed, but it wasn't a problem and wasn't really stressful in the end.

Also I should add: my daughter is 2 1/2. I fed morning and evening till she was about 18 months, then switched to morning over, started cutting out the morning feed entirely at two.

She STILL will only nap for us in the buggy/car, in nursery she cheerily wanders over to her mat like all the others, lies down and goes to sleep. They are very different for other people. Its not about teaching to self-sooth: my daughter, and I guess your son, know full well who is near them and what the options are and they won't settle for 'second best'.It doesn't mean that its a necessary skill to learn before childcare starts, as its a totally different scenario.

Hi thanks so much for responding. I'm glad that it worked out for your DD okay

Once I got back to work, I'll be working 3 days, during which my OH will look after DS (as he can rock him to sleep- he should be okay on these days). The rest of the week I will be looking after him, so he will be wanting to be fed to sleep. So I feel an extreme time pressure to fix this before I return to work.

All I can think to do is put him in the buggy for every nap, but ideally I need him in his cot

@namechangemarch21 I plan on doing similar - still doing the am/bedtime feeds until about maybe 18 months or so

Hi! Who will be looking after him when you go back to work? In my experience with my son, I went back to work at one year old and because I wasn't there, he would happily sleep in the pushchair for my mum and would even settle without being pushed (just lay there quietly and dropped off!)

You haven't done anything wrong, you've done a wonderful job feeding him and being his comfort

Another one whose dc slept fine at nursery, carried on breastfeeding until 3 years plus but in childcare since 6 months and no problems with naps at nursery - still wanted me at home for naps!!

Is it really a problem? If he sleeps fine for your DH, then on the days you're home he has milk, I'm struggling to see the problem. He'll grow out of it eventually, maybe just now isnt the right moment

Should I just put him in the buggy for every nap do you think? And try the cot again in a week or so?

It's such a shame though, he was a contact sleeper until he was about 7 months so it was amazing to finally have him sleeping in his cot.

I should add - once we dropped the night feeds - after a rocky patch he now sleeps 7pm to 5/6am ish so night time is going great. Just these two naps need sorting.

Hey!

I breastfed for a long time and always managed to breastfeed to sleep when I had my child and they happily settled for others when I wasn't around.

Depending on how you feel about 'longer term' breastfeeding is just carry on. Feed when you're with him and then he will be fine abs Dad can settle him easily enough.

I wanted to breastfeed for a long time and was concerned that my milk would dry up. Towards the end I was feeding once, every other day and still had milk!

You might find this is much less of a problem than you're anticipating. Presumably baby will go down ok with other people? Cries with you because you are the milk!
I went back to work when DD was 9months old, 4 shortish days a week. She was fine, I used to feed her before and after work, and to usual schedule when at home. She did feed more at night for a while which wasn't fun! Breasts adjusted to new schedule within a couple of days. You might need to express a little for comfort at first. Continued to bf quite happily for another year or so. Feeding once I got home from work was a lovely way to reconnect.

If it means a lot to you for him to sleep in the cot you could keep gently trying, but I wouldn't stress about it if it doesn't happen. Your partner and son will find their own way.

Personally I love contact napping! (Typed with a 4 month old snoozing in my arms!) It was lovely to still nap together with my older son when I went back work!

Can you not just feed to sleep for the naps when your baby is with you? Then when your OH is with them they can rock them to sleep. It doesn't need to be all or nothing

My DD is 14 months now and while I'm at work she doesn't have milk from me and it's no problem, she naps just fine. When I'm with her on my days off she has much more milk and feeds to sleep too.

Thanks for all the replies. It's nice to see that it's not just me in this predicament.

I want to cut out the day feeds completey so that he can sleep by himself - he's already 10kg so my partner is hurting from rocking him. If I were to continue feeding him on the days I'm not at work, I'm not sure when he'll ever learn - he'll only hey heavier.

I tried speaking to my HV but her advise was just if he stands up keep laying him down - but I've tried that - he gets back up quicker than I can straighten my back up - and as I say - it's gone on for almost 2 hours before

I'm sorry to sound so negative.

I'm getting the general consensus is to carry on feeding to sleep on my days with him. Tbh I did assume that my supply would be to low to do that

Does your milk really adjust to having 4 days a week at 2 feeds (am and bedtime) and 3 (different) days of the week at 4 feeds?

It is reassuring to think that I have that as plan b If the sleep training is not working. I really don't want to give up on weaning yet though

Are you trying to wean him off feeding completely? Are you not enjoying it anymore? If it's simply the sleeping concern, then I would be reluctant to wean entirely if you're still happy. However if you truly feel its time to stop then that's different. He is still so little

I worked 12 hour shifts, 3 times a week and my supply was fine (although a bit engorged at first). Your body will quickly adjust!

@Winter17

Are you trying to wean him off feeding completely? Are you not enjoying it anymore? If it's simply the sleeping concern, then I would be reluctant to wean entirely if you're still happy. However if you truly feel its time to stop then that's different. He is still so little

I enjoy feeding him. :) And I'll continue the morning and bedtime feed for as long as we are both happy to.

My concern is him not being able to fall asleep on his own. He's very heavy to be rocked to sleep.

If you want to wean during the day and he’s also getting too heavy for rocking then I’d go with the buggy if that works. Mine is pushed to sleep, then parked on the patio for naps. I either sit out there with him or in the kitchen just on the other side of the patio doors where I can see him. He sleeps wonderfully in the cot overnight, just isn’t having it during the day, and I do not see the point in continuing to push the cot for naps when it isn’t working nor is it affecting overnight sleep.

I still breastfeed my 3 year old to sleep most nights. He is at nursery three days a week
I still have milk and he seems fine with the set up!
Just watch you don’t get engorged on the work days perhaps even get a little hand pump just to pop in your bag to express as it might be painful?

@LakeshoreD hi thanks for sharing, I'm thinking maybe we should try this. How did you eventually transition into the cot?

That's great that you still enjoy feeding him! Please believe me when I say your partner will find his own way. Is he supportive of you breastfeeding?

My husband used to just lay down with my son until he fell asleep, sometimes it took a while. But it was gentle and not a fight. If he couldn't get him to settle that way then he might use the pushchair or the carrier if he was very fidgety on that day!

@Winter17

That's great that you still enjoy feeding him! Please believe me when I say your partner will find his own way. Is he supportive of you breastfeeding?

My husband used to just lay down with my son until he fell asleep, sometimes it took a while. But it was gentle and not a fight. If he couldn't get him to settle that way then he might use the pushchair or the carrier if he was very fidgety on that day!

Oh yes he's been very supportive. That's sweet of your dh

I'm thinking maybe we should put him straight into the buggy for naps to save him the distress. My OH can rock him to sleep at night. It's still a temporary solution but it feels like more of a plan then I had this morning.

It's great hearing all these stories of continuing to feed your DC - thank you, I am certainly in no rush to drop his last 2 feeds. 💓

I actually quite like that he happily naps in the pram as it gives me a lot of freedom to get out over nap time and now we’re allowed out again I’m liking that I can count on an uninterrupted lunch if I time it right. So controversial but I don’t really intend to transition to the cot for naps. He is so accepting of the cot overnight, I don’t want to jinx that by turning it into a battle ground and potentially creating any negative associations! By contrast my eldest loved a cot nap but struggled in the pram and I found that so much harder as it really cut into the day.