I dont want baby to sleep in cot!

[Mn345678]

Hey

Am I weird? Im a first time mum, I have a lockdown baby and so its pretty much been just us since she was born.

We use a next to me and now that shes 6 months she should be moving into her cot.

I just love the next to me so much that I dont want to move her! I love waking up and seeing her cute little face.. or touching her hand in-between sleep and knowing shes there right beside me.

I feel like If i now get a cot even though it’ll be in the room i will no longer see her every time i open my eyes to look or touch her hand.

Has anyone else felt the same or is this being dramatic? Just wanna sleep with her forever :))

My rule is they go down in their own bed and when they wake they come in with us. Gives us a few hours to ourselves in the evening, and as they start to sleep through, they stay in their own beds.

Massive fan of co-sleeping and this way I get to wake up with them without having to go to bed super early!

As pp said, so what’s right for you.

I like co sleeping, we have been trying to get DS1 in his own room because DS2 is on his way but we’re all miserable because it’s just not what we want to happen.

I don’t know what going to happen when they arrive but for the moment we like being close to sleep. You are not weird, it’s totally normal for mammals to sleep with their young.

DS is 22 months and still in my room. We had a next to me and changed over to the cot as he could pull himself up in the next to me so it became dangerous.
His cot is still next to my bed. I don't plan on moving him into his own room yet.

Don't put her in a cot, then. Do what works for you and your family - apart from safety rules, there are no rules and our culture is pretty messed up when it comes to random arbitrary rules about child-raising!

We co-slept with our four children until they wanted to leave our bed and would continue to welcome them back into our bed or room at least if they had bad dreams or were upset or whatever they needed. We just tried to be responsive to their needs. For us, as we had small age gaps, we made the decision to have a massive floor level family bed for a few years. Oldest didn't want to sleep on her own, understandably until second wanted to as well, so they both moved out together. Then the younger two moved out at a younger age - the right age for them. My oldest is nearly 18 now and my youngest nearly 13. They are all the most amazing human beings who are emotionally intelligent, kind, generous, socially conscious and self-aware. Despite being at home together 24/7 for months on end, often without DH or I as we both worked on the frontline, they had ZERO arguments and have supported each other so much.

Co-sleeping and responsive parenting has been nothing but a success for us.

But both parents have to want to parent like this or it'll just cause issues in your relationship. Both parents have to buy in and communicate clearly and honestly with each other. And both parents have to embrace it. How does your partner feel about it? Also, keep checking in with yourself that these decisions are about your family's best interests not your own emotional needs - I think that when mums continue co-sleeping to meet their own needs, not their baby's...or self-sacrifice their own needs to meet their baby's, that's when it becomes toxic and a bad idea.

Just make sure you follow the safety instructions on whatever baby sleeps in.

And do what's right for baby

@alexdgr8

what does your husband think about it.

Oh goodness, yes. If you have a husband, or (male) partner - because you didn't actually mention one, you must ensure his feelings are put at the top of the list

@flashylamp 😂😂

We are still bedsharing at 15m and we love it.

Mine slept with us until they didn't want to anymore, Dd1 was 2.5, dd2 was 7

@Snorkello

My rule is they go down in their own bed and when they wake they come in with us. Gives us a few hours to ourselves in the evening, and as they start to sleep through, they stay in their own beds.

Massive fan of co-sleeping and this way I get to wake up with them without having to go to bed super early!

As pp said, so what’s right for you.

I did this with my first too. We kept his cot in our room til he stopped night feeds at 11 months and the transition was absolutely fine.

But my second won’t even let me put her down at the start of the evening. @Tomatobear how did you manage it if you don’t mind me asking?

I wish my neighbours would bedshare. I am woken most nights by their crying baby and they don't go in until the cries are high screams. Poor thing.

2.5 years of bedsharing here, I can put her in her own bed but she get in with us when she wakes.

I hated the separation of putting her in a separate bed for a long time and definitely felt some weird link to her while sleeping together and used to always wake before she did to feed or whatever.

Interesting. I read this as "what does the other person who has to sleep in the room" think about it, rather than "what does the man of the house desire".

Babies can be noisy and disrupt sleep, and presumably (between some couples) stop anything like intimacy in bed. There's no point denying that in some relationships, it could be difficult, and one partner might be looking forward to things changing.

The quote has vanished (because the android app is a nightmare!) But that was a reply to flashy.

@Lemmen

Interesting. I read this as "what does the other person who has to sleep in the room" think about it, rather than "what does the man of the house desire".

Babies can be noisy and disrupt sleep, and presumably (between some couples) stop anything like intimacy in bed. There's no point denying that in some relationships, it could be difficult, and one partner might be looking forward to things changing.

Agreed. I think this is more a question of communication and shared decision-making. I agree Dad doesn't get to veto things but Mum vetoing things is also bad! What is better is open, loving, thoughtful communication so everyone is on the same page.

We pushed the cot up against the bed and removed several of the bars, so it was like a homemade snuzpod. Was the perfect solution.

@Lemmen

Interesting. I read this as "what does the other person who has to sleep in the room" think about it, rather than "what does the man of the house desire".

Babies can be noisy and disrupt sleep, and presumably (between some couples) stop anything like intimacy in bed. There's no point denying that in some relationships, it could be difficult, and one partner might be looking forward to things changing.

Did you?

I read it as a huge assumption that there even was another person, because it was not mentioned. Couple that with the fact that no context was offered, i read it as a rude and potentially belittling comment.

You don't need to jump to defend anyone here, we all see things differently.

Having watched my 7 month old DS pull himself up on the side of his next to me and then topple over the side and hit the ground head first, please don't keep her in the next to me for too long.

@alexdgr8

what does your husband think about it.

Wtf 😂

I’m glad I’m old. Six weeks in a Moses basket in the same room as me nearly finished me. Cot in own room thereafter -> sleep for all!

I think it’s a relevant question to be fair.

My daughters still in her next to me with the side up. Only because the room which I want to move her into isn't ready yet so I can't buy a cotbed. She's 8months. She doesn't try to escape and she's a very active baby. So you can probably manage with it for a little while longer, depending on your baby and particular brand of next to me. If you want to keep her close moving forward then a big mattress in the floor might work if you're willing to get rid of your bed frame!

Definitely a relevant question to ask how a partner feels. It’s obtuse to assume that they have no input or should not be able to contribute to decisions that impacts upon them. It’s part of good communication.

However, baby comes first and their needs are important. If a baby wants to be with mama, then that should be supported. As a couple, we both have times when disrupted sleep leads us to reconsider what is best for everyone, though I wouldn’t be inclined to negatively affect mine and babies well being for my partner. Hence the rule of down in their bed, then in with us when they wake. We get the best of both worlds (most of the time!)

Definitely a relevant question to ask how a partner feels. It’s obtuse to assume that they have no input or should not be able to contribute to decisions that impacts upon them. It’s part of good communication.

Equally, good communication would have been the person who delivered the comment about 'the husband' to have given some context. As it happened I read the comment in an entirely different way, because the poster didn't actually say what they meant.