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Original poster

DH says no to sleepovers!!

35 replies

jazzitup15 · 10/05/2021 19:31

If you and your partner don't agree on certain aspects of parenting? Who has the final say? FYI: My DH has never been happy with sleepovers and I usually override him and do them occasionally. Kids are 12 and 14 and have almost had a year of not having friends in the house and DH wants it to stay this way. I have defied him too many times and has basically said no way. Next weekend it is legally allowed and my DD is desperate for her bestie to sleep over. He says lockdown has been lovely has he hasn't had to be in his own house with anybody else's child. His house (although technically ours) and when they have their own houses they can have who they like in it. We disagree on lots of parenting issues but I always have been able to override him but he isn't budging here. I just don't think he is being fair??

OP posts:
Bluejayway91 · 10/05/2021 19:50

My mum never allowed friends round. Not even for the afternoon. Luckily, my friends were understanding and had great parents, but it really bothered me.

ThePlantsitter · 10/05/2021 19:51

I bloody hate sleepovers. But he is being a grumpy fucker and should suck up the mild social awkwardness for his kids .

BurbageBrook · 10/05/2021 19:53

He is being horrible, unwelcoming and very odd. Overrule him because your child tips the balance here. Does he not want her to have a normal childhood?

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topcat2014 · 10/05/2021 19:54

Sleepovers are totally shite for the parents - but that isn't the point, really.

So, you just have to suck it up every now and then.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/05/2021 19:54

I think it's such a shame to prevent DC having a friend over to stay. My friends and I always stayed over at one another houses Friday and Saturday nights. At the ages they are you barely even know they are there they just hang out in their rooms.

It's a shame, because it just means they are likely to spend most weekend nights sleeping out at friends instead.

Spied · 10/05/2021 19:54

Could you set some ground rules and perhaps limit the number of sleepovers allowed so he has some say of what happens and how often.
How is he about dd staying at a friend's house?

grapewine · 10/05/2021 19:55

I didn't have friends over either. My parents worked long hours and were tired. Weekends were for family and family visits. It never bothered me particularly tbh. But I am probably in the minority on that.

TeeBee · 10/05/2021 19:55

Joyless git. Really, how much of a hardship is it? Girls can stay in your DD's room, he'll barely know they're there. I'd just ignore and carry on quite honestly. He can go out if he wants to avoid an extra person in the house.

4PawsGood · 10/05/2021 19:56

By age 12 and up are they really that much hassle to have? Is he remembering what it was like when they were younger?

InFiveMins · 10/05/2021 19:56

He's being miserable.

Override him and let the sleepovers go on.

Aprilwasverywet · 10/05/2021 19:59

Does he want your dd left out of her friendships groups?
Tbh I only have secondary school age sleepovers.. Or it's childminding a bunch of tired crabby dc!!

mathanxiety · 10/05/2021 20:00

He is being unreasonable and joyless.

Are there any other areas where your H is unreasonable in what he allows and does not allow? You mention you've defied him in the past. Does he get a kick out of putting his foot down and refusing to budge?

He shouldn't get to veto suggestions outright. At most, he should get to ask for a compromise - a max of two friends sleeping over at any one time for instance, or bedtime at midnight, or sleepovers only on Friday or Saturday nights. Or only one sleepover per calendar month at your house.

Sleepovers are a normal part of the experience of friendship these days, and he will curtail the DCs' social lives without any good reason if he thinks he can just forbid them.

Have you sat down and asked him to talk about why he dislikes them or fears them?

Overdueanamechange · 10/05/2021 20:00

Agree, at this age it really isn't a big deal. They will only have a couple more years tops of wanting sleepovers anyway. It only gets out of hand if you have a multiple friends sleep over. What about pitching up a tent in the garden so they can have friends for camping sleepovers? My DS has done this a few times and loved it.

picklemewalnuts · 10/05/2021 20:07

Ask him,
Is it DD's house as well?
Is there a right of veto, so one family member can stop the others doing things if they don't like it? Or is it just him?

Dddccc · 10/05/2021 20:07

He us not a joyless git he just wants to be able to chill in his own house without other peoples brats sleeping over they have done all the sleep overs before he hates them it is also his house and as a bill payer gets a say in what happens in the house, and personally I don't think anyone should slip over if its not what everyone who lives there agrees

Dddccc · 10/05/2021 20:07

Sleep

BigFatLiar · 10/05/2021 20:14

Is there a right of veto, so one family member can stop the others doing things if they don't like

If you read her post she just ignores him normally when he doesn't agree. So normally his opinion doesn't matter, just this time he's not doing as he's told.

Have the sleepover send him to a travleinn for the night.

cansu · 10/05/2021 20:20

He sounds miserable and controlling. Why does he get to veto what others want to do? Surely at age 12, they will spend most of the time in your dd's room. How will this affect him?

SonnyWinds · 10/05/2021 20:24

I can see both sides here. It's his home and he has a right to peace and a right to be respected. However, I love sleepovers and would never have an issue personally so it's really hard for me to align with his opinion. Is there a possibility he could go out for the night? Put him up in a hotel maybe with a few mates drinking beer, watching sports or potentially an activity somewhat less masculine-cliche?

Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel · 10/05/2021 20:24

You say you’ve defied him too many times. That’s a worrying thing to say. You sound frightened of him. He sounds miserable and controlling.

Stichintime · 10/05/2021 20:24

Book him or yourself and the girls into an Airbnb or hotel for the night? I don't think it will be very nice for your daughter and friend to be in the house with him if he doesn't want them there.

Original poster
jazzitup15 · 10/05/2021 20:45

He is exceptionally house proud and not very social within his own environment. He is scared that people (adults and children) don't respect our house, but his and mine idea of respect is different. He worries drinks will be spilt, grass walked in if the children play outside and make up crushed in to the carpet if the girls do make up in DD's room. He has had a year of not having to share his house with anyone so I think it is maybe the thought of someone else in the house after getting used to not having anyone in it. He is very old fashioned in lots of his parenting ideas so we often don't agree.

OP posts:
Terminallysleepdeprived · 10/05/2021 20:54

My dp has similar views @jazzitup15 so you have my sympathy. Luckily we don't live together so I do get to tell him (lightheartedly) that it's my house ergo my rules although it never actually stops him coming over!

Does he see it as his house or the family home. Of the latter then everyone gets to have their input and should be allowed to have friends over at a mutually convenient time. Although perhaps the very first weekend things are allowed is not necessarily the hill to die on. Perhaps work up to it?

MintyMabel · 10/05/2021 21:16

He sounds miserable and controlling.

If he’s controlling, he’s not very good at it given OP seems to just ignore him most of the time.

I think it’s necessary to have a compromise here, limit the numbers so he will hardly notice what happening.

AlmostSummer21 · 10/05/2021 21:26

Ask him if, when he's old & he looks back on his life if a bit of mess/noise in the house are more important, or his relationships?

If he's always so anti having people over & letting you & your DC have a life, you need to ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest if your life, or if you want a home where your adult children want to visit & maybe one day bring your grandchildren?! Or you can live in a show home & never see them?!