Still peeing herself after a year potty training

[ML1706]

So we started potty training our daughter last year when she turned 2 as we had successfully potty trained our son at 20 months fairly quickly.
Now it's been a year and she still has 2 to 3 accidents daily 😣 her pre school has asked us to take her to the gp and seems to think something is wrong with her bladder and that she might need medications 😔
She sometimes doesn't say anything when she pees herself and seems happy to keep playing. When she does tell us, by the time we get to the bathroom she has done a big spot and needs to be changed.
Im doing laundry all the time! I got an appointment with gp next month and I got some training pants in the meantime as I feel like her preschool are getting fed up having to change her so often..
She never has accidents with number 2 only peeing.. any advice welcome!

It seems to me that she only knows that she needs to go when it starts to come out by which time it’s too late and that’s why you get spots because of course when it starts it’s very difficult to stop. I would be more worried about her feeling guilty about a normal bodily function. Potty training only works when they feel the anticipatory sensation and that is physical not mental .

Ds wasn't fully toilet trained until he was 3.5, I tried at 2 but he wasn't ready. We cracked being dry during the day whilst on holiday as my dad had bladder problems & every time he needed the toilet ds went with him & was dry within 2 days, night time took about another 3 months. Your dd isn't ready, put her back in pullups but continue asking her every 30 minutes & keep a potty in every room or take her to the toilet. Nursery should be able to continue doing the same, ds preschool supported us supported the routine by taking him at the same intervals. She won't be the only child who will need this & it is much easier to take a child for a quick visit than having to change clothes 2-3 times a day. When she is at home, set an alarm on your phone then take her for a quick visit each time, have stickers for each time she is dry but don't get angry if she is wet, just no sticker.

I just don't want to give up on her potty training after a year

Putting her back in nappies isn’t giving up on her! It’s trying again.

I didn’t take my two out of nappies full time
until they were no longer having accidents. I find it barmy that a two year old was taken out of nappies even though they were still having multiple accidents every day.

Your child is treating their pants like a nappy, so you might as well put them in a nappy and then try again from the beginning.

I'm really shocked by some of the comments on here.

I wouldn't put her back in nappies either, poor thing that's a massive step backwards.

Do you talk a lot needing to go, uhoh wet pants etc. ? They understand so much at this age. Then lots of potty trips and reassurance/reinforcement.

If the preschool staff are spending all day with her then I think they will know her pretty well and if they think maybe the GP could help with the problem then I'd say they I'd no harm in getting the GPs opinion.

Fwiw I my 3 children potty trained/went into pants all before age 2 and had occasional accidents when they got busy, it's just part of learning/growing. In the early days we just did lots of toilet trips :) but as your problem is constant worth investigating?

I would echo other posters, if she is still having accidents she has never been fully potty trained. Generally children should be trained within 5 days or so with only occasional accidents. If they still have daily accidents after this then they just aren't ready to potty train.

I would definitely go back to nappies for several months and try again when she's older.

I don't think you can train a child to use the potty. They are ready when they are ready. Had a go with ds aged 2-1/2. He wasn't ready. He didn't seem ready over the whole summer. One morning he just said "want pants" so I put him in pants as prior to that he had shown no interest whatsoever. He was 2yrs 8mos. We went to the supermarket and as soon as we stood in the queue. "Need wee wee" so off we went then paid and went home. He never had an accident after that and was dry at night at 2yrs 9mos. He used the potty for poos for sometime

DD was 2yrs9mos before she was ready but until about 4 only used the potty (she was scared of falling down the big toilet but perfectly happy using the little ones). I had to lift her at 11pm when I went to bed until she was nearly 5.

They are all different op - just go with the flow (apologies for the pun) and wait until she's ready rather than making a big issue about it.

I don't think I had to train either of mine. I recall friends being obsessed and telling me their lo was potty trained when they were just over 2. They carried spare pants and clothes until their dc were about 3.5. Their dc were not potty trained they had mother's who wanted them to use the potty rather than wanting to themselves.

@coffeecup88 I am also shocked by all the comments saying to put her back in nappies! I came on here for advice on how to get her to go before she starts leaking not to be told to stick her back in nappies and not too bother with it 😔 she needs to understand that she needs to go even if that means she has to stop playing for a bit as to me it's the main issue.

I'm on your page @ML1706
Just wondering if there is "high risk time" for accidents? I used to encourage mine to go after lunch. Although most nurseries do an en masse toilet trip after lunch anyway. I think this phase will just be a transition for her.

We also still have a "trying to find a wee" visit to the toilet before long trips, the idea that you go and try for a wee even before you feel the need is a useful skill required for adult life too.

Others seems to think potty training is a one step quick fix, it's not, it's a progression of learning and growing.

Is she able to wipe and change herself and help clear up any mess she's made? If she has to do this and you point out she is now missing her game/tv, she might realise it's quicker and easier to go to the toilet.

She is still little though and maybe some kind of reboot, or change of tactic will restart the toilet training so she can get it right this time.

I don’t think putting her back in nappies is good advice
I have literally trained hundreds of children during my time working in nurseries and i think what’s missing is the physical feeling of having a full bladder
Which is why I never recommend putting children on the potty every hour or 30 minutes. She has to experience that physical feeling for herself and make the connection between the feeling and reaction. And that only comes with practice. It’s ok to have accidents but not after a year

Recognising the feeling of needing to wee with enough advance notice to get to the loo or potty is the definition of having reached the developmental stage of being toilet 'trained', surely?

Totally agree with PP about not taking her to the toilet every hour.

MN are always in favour of putting a child back in nappies until they are "ready". If I'd listened to them not the HV and the continence nurse DD would still be in nappies at nearly 7 (no major SEN, I say major because like 20% of her year she wasn't ready for Y1 curriculum at the start of last year so went on the SEN register).
Instead she had a proper investigation aged 3 and a full decompaction - your DD may be constipated - I'd see the HV but she's a bit young to be referred to the nurse.
Oh and I thought DD DEFINITELY wasn't constipated and she was.

I think people are just saying what eurochick sums up perfectly. You can either go for it before they're ready and "persevere" and it will take months and months or if you do it when they're truly ready it will literally take a few days / weeks and you're done! Your choice of course.

I had to put my eldest back in nappies after a year because he just wasn't getting it and frankly it was stressful for everyone. I gave it another 6 months and tried again. He got there eventually and is now a strapping 29 year old with no nappy hang ups!

I think it's the 'sunk cost fallacy' that's at play here.

But whatever you do, I hope it works for you.

My 4 yr old is autistic and we have a similar situation. She will never have poo accidents but will quite often wet herself. Not as frequently as your DD but she regressed to a couple of times a day but I think hopefully we’ve passed that now. I understand why you don’t want to put her back in nappies.

My daughter also will just wet herself and not say anything if she’s watching TV.

Anyway things that I think have helped are talking about where she feels it when she needs a wee (you can use a doll to help). This is best done just after a wee on the toilet or an accident.

Not making a big deal over accidents and I did not make her clean anything up herself. I don’t agree with doing that personally.

We did a reward chart although I don’t think it helped much.

Going to the toilet as a routine eg when you wake up, after lunch, when home from preschool etc.

Good luck!