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Original poster

People pressuring me to have another baby

34 replies

AnimeChic · 01/05/2021 09:13

I keep getting told I should have another child and its selfish of me to not give my daughter a sibling. Truth is I don't want another child,my pregnancy was horrific I was in alot of pain and I have mental health problems.

The birth was also traumatic and for months afterwards my depression was really bad. Shes 5 months old now and things are just starting to get a little easier. I love my daughter to death and I couldn't live without her but she's enough for me and having another child I know I couldn't cope.

How do I stop myself feeling guilty for not giving her a sibling?

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Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 01/05/2021 09:18

This is absolutely your choice. My MIL used to tell me the gap between the first and second if I conceived at a particular point and where they’d be in the school year.
I had a traumatic birth and DH was fully supportive of whatever I chose.
Eight years later I changed my mind and there’s almost 10 years between DC 1&2. We now have DC 25, 16&14.

VettiyaIruken · 01/05/2021 09:18

You have nothing to feel guilty about and whoever is saying this stuff to you needs to stfu.

Nobody else gets a say. You don't want another child. That's a bloody good reason not to have one! No child ever wants to be the kid their mum didn't want.

Lockdowndramaqueen · 01/05/2021 09:20

Families come in all shapes and sizes and what is right for them is not right for you. Just thank them and say you are happy with the family you have and don’t give it another thought.

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Blackcountrychik · 01/05/2021 09:21

I thought you was going to say your child is 6 or 7 not 5 MONTHS .
I think at 5 months the last thing I wanted was another one !!
You might feel differently in a year or two and if not , it’s no one else’s business . It’s your body . Tell them to have one themselves to give your child someone to play with !!

ElderMillennial · 01/05/2021 09:21

I think this is a non-issue. Do what's right for you. Tell other people to mind their own business or (if you want to) explain why you don't want another atm.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/05/2021 09:22

What?! Your baby is oy 5 months and already people are pressuring you to have another. My response would probably be "are you fucking kidding. I've oy just got this one out nutcase", or even better "mind your own fucking business".

Chickenlickeninthepot · 01/05/2021 09:23

She's only 5mo! Tell them to piss off. I didn't want another one till DS was 2 because I was completely broken from giving birth and shattered from not sleeping for months.

My MIL once went on that much, I gave her a very detailed run down of all the issues I was having post birth, after about 5 minutes my FIL chimed in to say "MIL, I think you should stop asking Chicken about this" and changed the subject. And it was never mentioned again.

ChocOrange1 · 01/05/2021 09:23

Who is it that keeps telling you this? Multiple people? That's really strange. I can sort of imagine someone asking whether you would have another child, when the first one is 3+, but not when they're only 5 months. And even then if you said no or didn't answer they would be unreasonable to pressure you about it.
I think you need to tell them to mind their own business!

PriestessofPing · 01/05/2021 09:24

It’s been said before but the whole attitude of having a second child as some sort of gift to your first is utterly bizarre.

Who is pressuring you?

dalrympy · 01/05/2021 09:24

I love having an only child. I have a sibling and they don't talk to me.

Having a sibling is not a companion for life. People really need to get over that!

HotPenguin · 01/05/2021 09:25

I'm really sorry you are having to listen to this, I was told it would be cruel not to have another, this was by more distant family members so easier for me to ignore them. I just told them flat I was not having another. I did eventually go on to have another, but it was my choice and I didn't do it from feelings of guilt towards my other child. DS1 would actually love to be an only child! There is no reason to feel guilty for having just one child, much worse to have a child that isn't wanted, and it's very common. In my kids class it's more common to be an only then to be one of three or more.

bluebluezoo · 01/05/2021 09:26

My kids hate each other and would both probably be much happier as only children.

So don’t believe the bullshit about only children being lonely, or depriving them of a sibling relationship etc. They’re like cats, some get along, some tolerate each other and some can’t be in the same room without a fight.

Maybe back in the old days when parents were less involved and kids were left to themselves a lot, but not anymore.

KitchenWarrior · 01/05/2021 09:31

I had a phase of this when ds was about a month old, loads of people asking "when's no 2 coming along then?"

I just brushed them off and said not for a very long time if ever, and they stopped asking.

It's so rude, for all they know dc1 might be your only child for fertility or health reasons rather than choice. (And even choice is your choice and none of their business!) I hate that people think this is an OK question to ask.

bookworm14 · 01/05/2021 09:40

Five months is too early to decide either way. You may change your mind or you may not; either is fine and your choice is absolutely no one else’s business.

ComDummings · 01/05/2021 09:43

Tell them to fuck off. I’m not joking. Never feel guilty for only having one child. I have 2 children but I don’t understand why some people are so set on children having to have siblings. Not all siblings get on anyway, even in childhood. So don’t feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Caspianberg · 01/05/2021 09:43

Huh, how strange.

I have a 1 year old, there’s a good chance he will remain an only child. If we do decide to have another that will be dh and I choice, nobody else

YellowGlasses · 01/05/2021 09:44

Just reply with “she’s only a baby at the moment and we will think about whether we want another in the future, but now isn’t the time.”

EverythingRuined · 01/05/2021 09:45

How do I stop myself feeling guilty for not giving her a sibling?

Just don't! As soon as it pops in your head or as soon as anyone suggests it then dismiss the thought immediately. There are going to be a million things you will feel guilty about if you are a parent and this shouldn't be one of them.
You've made a decision and that's that!

I've 4 kids and can see the advantages of 1 kid. There are advantages and disadvantages with whatever number.

HenryHooverIII · 01/05/2021 09:48

Who the bloody hell is mithering someone with a five month old when they're having another one?!

Do what's best for you OP. I had a difficult delivery and PND with my first. I wasn't ready to consider another child until he was 12 months old. When I was pregnant with my second, I was already put off having anymore by the time I was 32 weeks pregnant! Now when people ask me about having kids, I like to go into great detail with them about that pregnancy. That usually shuts them up.

Branleuse · 01/05/2021 09:48

Shes 5 months and theyre going on about it already. Thats so odd. Are they thick? Its none of their business.

Branleuse · 01/05/2021 09:50

A lot to be said for having an only child. Its not as if you can guarantee your kids would get on, even if it wasnt for the traumatic pregnancy and birth experience.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 01/05/2021 09:51

"If you want a child, then YOU get pregnant. I'm not a fucking cow on a farm." Works for everyone, including men.

Em3978 · 01/05/2021 09:53

People stopped asking me about dc2 only a few years ago. Ds is now 13 and happy being an only.
Like you I had an horrific painful pregnancy and mental health problems through til he was at least 3.
Most people only asked/suggested it the once and my reaction of 'Goodness no! I'm never doing THAT again! I've got a wonderful child and we're stopping at one!' seems to put them off suggesting it again

everydaysablessing · 01/05/2021 09:55

5 months in is still in the sleep deprived fog, especially after a difficult pregnancy, birth and first few months. It will get better OP, can just take time and ignore all those with perfect babies.

I was two years before I could think about another, so tell them to get a grip and if you do feel like considering another child they'll be the last to know!

Starstar02 · 01/05/2021 10:05

Thanks for all your replies I feel much better from what everyone has said. The ones who are saying I should have another are my parents and sister.

My sister has 2 children age 10yrs and a 10month old and she wants another one and to give her son a sibling so she dosn't understand how I don't want the same as her.

Me and my husband only want 1 child and are very happy with just the 3 of us. I just wish they could understand this.

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