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Parenting

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Original poster

3 year old loves to go to only my parents house.

67 replies

Elliott2018 · 30/04/2021 17:59

My grandson who is 3 years old has had both sets of grandparents in his life since birth. Both sets of grandparents have spent a lot of time and have helped raise him. My grandson cry’s and says he doesn’t want to go to the other grandparents house, but my daughter makes him go. I don’t want to cause problems, but this does not sit well with me or my husband. I even encourage him to go to help my daughter out, but then I feel awful for doing. I would love some advice and thoughts.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DappledThings · 30/04/2021 18:23

This is somewhat confusing. You say it is about your grandson but then talk about your parents. So is it his great-grandparents he likes to go to? Where do you fit in?

Impossible to say without more info really. My children have spent much more time with PIL than my parents (200 miles away vs 1.5 miles away) so are naturally more comfortable around PIL. But they don't get a choice about going to someone's house if that's what is happening that day.

He could be crying because he's cross. Could be genuine distress but I don't think there's anything inherently unreasonable about insisting a 3 year old goes where he goes.

Original poster

Elliott2018 · 30/04/2021 19:38

I'm sorry and after rereading it is confusing, but to clarify I am the grandparent of the 3 year old. And I agree with making a three year old do what is being done that day, but what I am having trouble with is why does he not cry when it's time to go to my house? He only doesn't want to go to the other grandparents house.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2021 19:40

What’s your DD’s reaction to him crying about it? Has he mentioned any particular reasons?

It’s your DD and her DH’s decision.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

sherrystrull · 30/04/2021 19:43

Do you spend more time with him than the other grandparents?

Sunny1112 · 30/04/2021 19:46

Unless there’s a particular reason behind it or if he’s just going through a phase of not wanting to go. Kids do.

I think it’s good your daughter still makes him go tbh. Hes 3 he can’t call the shots on what’s happening that day.

MissMarks · 30/04/2021 19:53

Unless you think he is at risk- stay out of it. Children need both sets of grand parents and from experience- the parents of the child’s father can feel left out and it can create problems further down the line.

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2021 19:55

Are you sure he’s not doing the same at the other grand parents house? I think you’ll find kids this age are fickle like that.

helpfulperson · 30/04/2021 20:01

It's so difficult. It could be a valid serious reason but is much more likely to be a picture on the wall he doesnt like, a neighbour who smells strange, the towels feel funny, the wrong type of biscuits are offered or any of a multitude of reason that make sense when you are three. Could you talk to him about visiting granny and see if anything is particularly bothering him - he might say things to you he wouldn't to his mum.

BendingSpoons · 30/04/2021 20:01

Is he going alone or with his parents? If you are worried about possible abuse then that's very different to him not liking it because they don't have fun toys etc.

ivfgottwins · 30/04/2021 20:08

Consider how you would feel if you were the grandparent he seemingly doesn't want to see - you'd want his mother to still bring him round wouldn't you?!

You saying "it doesn't sit right with Me" almost comes across a bit smug - you being the grandparent he does want to see after all

Quartz2208 · 30/04/2021 20:10

WHy are you involved to this level OP that you know all of this?

3 year olds are fickle and tricky little things it sounds perfectly fine to get him to go and see his other grandparents.

Your hyperbole around it does not seem right

TheMotherlode · 30/04/2021 20:15

what I am having trouble with is why does he not cry when it's time to go to my house? He only doesn't want to go to the other grandparents house

How do you know? Maybe he does complain about going to your house, but your daughter makes him anyway.

Unless you think there is something awful happening at the other grandparents house then it would be mean to let him call the shots and just never see them. Imagine how you would feel if it was the other way around.

Maggiesfarm · 30/04/2021 20:15

@Elliott2018

How do you know he doesn't cry at the suggestion of going to your house? I doubt you'd be told.

Maybe he cries at both, not because he doesn't like either set of grandparents but because he wants to be at home at that particular time, doing whatever he is doing.

mrsm43s · 30/04/2021 20:17

@Bluntness100

Are you sure he’s not doing the same at the other grand parents house? I think you’ll find kids this age are fickle like that.

Yes this.

TBH your post comes across as smug, but he honestly most likely doesn't prefer one set of grandparents to the other. Your daughter may not tell you about all the times he cries before coming to yours to save your feelings.

It is best and healthiest for children to have good relationships with both sets of grandparents, and not good for grandparents to compare themselves to each other.

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2021 20:22

Yes, your daughter probably doesn’t tell you he cries when coming to you and quite frankly you need to put him first, you sound like you’re competing with the other grandparents.

It’s not ok,

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2021 20:36

3 year olds cry if their peas touch their chicken. You sound like you're looking for problems, honestly. Wind your neck in and let the parents handle it.

museumum · 30/04/2021 20:40

Unless you think he’s in some way unsafe with the other grandparents then it’s in his best interest to continue to see them even if he does cry. My three year old always cried when it was time to come home, that doesn’t mean I should let him sleep at the park!

Hottesttrikeintown · 30/04/2021 20:48

My ds is a bit older (7) but loves going to my in-laws as he’s fed McDonald’s, plays on PS as much as he wants etc. At my parents he has to sit at the table to eat, go on walks and play in the garden.

Guess which set he wants to go to and which set he whinges about! I like him seeing both as I think it balances out

Sarcobaleno · 30/04/2021 21:04

My kids cried when seeing one set of GPs and now prefer them. Enjoy your popularity while you can, I'll bet they'll be moaning about you soon.

Original poster

Elliott2018 · 30/04/2021 21:53

I know that he cry's and doesn't want to go to the other grandparents house because my daughter has told me. She has also told me that he doesn't ever not want to come to my house. And I very much want him to have both sets of grandparents. I am not trying to toot my own horn and I know that three year olds can be fickle. I honestly believe that my childhood plays a role in my thinking and so when I say that it doesn't set well with me that's why. It probably isn't the right thing for me to immediately think something bad and that's why I was reaching out for others opinions.

OP posts:

Original poster

Elliott2018 · 30/04/2021 21:54

Both sets of grandparents have spent equal time with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Elliott2018 · 30/04/2021 21:58

I am not competing with the other grandparents . Again I want him to have as much love as possible. And I mind my own business. I just wanted to make sure that others thought it was normal, that's it! There is nothing vindictive going on. I don't want to cause any problems.

OP posts:

HenryHooverIII · 30/04/2021 22:04

My kids like going to my parents more because my parents give them loads of sweets and pizza. The PIL give them fuck all and they don't like it there.

I think you are projecting massively based on what I presume is abuse in your own childhood

Maggiesfarm · 30/04/2021 22:06

It is quite normal.

There was really no point in starting this thread.

Howyoudoingirl · 30/04/2021 22:10

It's absolutely none of your business. Enjoy your time with him an leave the rest to his parents

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