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Original poster

3 year old loves to go to only my parents house.

67 replies

Elliott2018 · 30/04/2021 17:59

My grandson who is 3 years old has had both sets of grandparents in his life since birth. Both sets of grandparents have spent a lot of time and have helped raise him. My grandson cry’s and says he doesn’t want to go to the other grandparents house, but my daughter makes him go. I don’t want to cause problems, but this does not sit well with me or my husband. I even encourage him to go to help my daughter out, but then I feel awful for doing. I would love some advice and thoughts.

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LIZS · 30/04/2021 22:11

How do you know this? It seems an odd thing ti angst over when it is not your child.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 30/04/2021 22:16

I honestly believe that my childhood plays a role in my thinking and so when I say that it doesn't set well with me that's why.
What happened in your childhood to make you say that? Are you implying something untoward is happening at the other grandparents house??

DelilahTheParrot · 30/04/2021 22:22

Depends also on what you do to ensure your grandson is happy with you. If you’re overplaying your hand in order to be number one grandparents, then it’s hardly surprising.

Quite honestly it’s probably best to butt out. I don’t really see that it’s any of your business, nor does it mean they’re doing anything wrong.

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Standrewsschool · 30/04/2021 22:38

Respect your daughters decisions.

Why doesn’t it sit right with you? Do you think he’s at risk?

MatthewHBpig · 30/04/2021 22:48

This is so weird. Like stealth (or not so stealth brag)

MatthewHBpig · 30/04/2021 22:48

This is so weird. Like stealth (or not so stealth) brag

Sorry bracket in wrong place first post

partyatthepalace · 30/04/2021 22:50

It’s none of your business how your daughter deals with this.

Little children develop little quirks like this.

SaltyAF · 30/04/2021 22:52

You really are tooting your own horn, as you put it, unless you've got a genuine safeguarding concern.

PurpleMustang · 30/04/2021 22:53

Hell ot could be a ridiculous amount of reasons and your DD and her husband are the ones that need to figure it out. It could be the drive there, a pet, a smell, all sorts. Does he react the same if they come to his family home, his own surroundings?

sherrystrull · 30/04/2021 23:10

Does your daughter meet up with her ds and in-laws together? Would give her an insight into how they interact

sherrystrull · 30/04/2021 23:11

My dc prefer one set of grandparents as they are much younger and more fun!

Sweetpea1532 · 01/05/2021 00:05

@Elliott2018
I suggest someone just ask him why he cries when he has to go to your DDs in-laws house...he will probably be able to tell the reason and then it can be dealt with...such as..."It smells funny at their house!" Then it can be explained about how we have to go to some places eventhough the smell might not be to our liking, or "they don't have good biscuits!" "Yes, I understand you might not like the biscuits they have, but we don't always get to have our favourite biscuits when we visit people". This way, he's being heard, but taught we don't always get to choose where we need to go. Otherwise, I can see this turning into a huge deal every time he's made to visit....what a terrible strain that puts on everyone! Life's too short!
BTW, your post made perfect sense to me the first time and I don't think you are overstepping your bounds nor do you sound smug..you sound like a caring, sensitive GM...you are a central figure in his life and evidently your DD wanted you to know about the situation or she wouldn't have brought it up. That said, I do feel it is his parents who need to actually handle it...but you AREN'T butting in....maybe your DD doesn't particularly care for her in-laws (or vice-versaHmm) and your grandson is picking up on it...or maybe they don't really enjoy his visits and he can sense that...

OP, there IS a reason...it just needs to be discovered and he can then learn how to deal with it as a social skills learning experience.
Why on earth does he not deserve to at least have his feelings acknowledged?...it sets up a bad precedent that he can't trust his feelings because the adults in his life are telling him he's not entitled to feel a certain way without explaining the reasons to him as to why he must go there. He may just need an extra handhold when he has to go. Seems like the in-laws feelings are being put first and GSs be damned.
Maybe this is what is triggering for you OP

Maggiesfarm · 01/05/2021 00:09

It is a pity the op was told that her grandson cries at the mention of going to other grandparents.

Maybe the other grandparents are thinking the same about the op but wouldn't dream of sharing their thoughts.

It's very immature.

Crunched · 01/05/2021 00:21

Do you think your DD is projecting to her DC? If she feels more relaxed and happy at your home than she does at her In-Laws the DC is likely to sense this and act accordingly.

florababy84 · 01/05/2021 00:36

We can't possibly know why he doesn't want to go to their house. We don't know him or any of the people involved.

Helenahandbasket1 · 01/05/2021 00:43

I don’t think OP is having a stealth brag or trying to sabotage her grandchild’s relationship with the other grandparents.
Are you worried that your grandchild might be being abused OP?

SleepingStandingUp · 01/05/2021 00:49

I think you have to trust your daughter and her partner on this. Him not wanting to go at 3 is much more likely to be able rules and boundaries than abuse.

If your daughter asks for your advice, all you can really suggest is that they talk to him about why.

If they're leaving him there/yours alone it may also be an attachment thing, so you look or sound like your daughter? Is your house now similar to his? Etc

iforgotyourenotbono · 01/05/2021 00:53

Whether it sits well with you or not, it's frankly not your business, or decision. You're very smug that your DGC prefers your house, but tbh at 3, in a few weeks he probably will scream at having to go to yours as well. It's a really odd thing to post about - stop getting involved and enjoy your grandchild.

Original poster
Elliott2018 · 01/05/2021 01:07

Sweetpea1532- Thank you!!!

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AIMD · 01/05/2021 01:13

I agree with @Sweetpea1532 comments.

My son has disliked going places previously and dislike specific people and I have always been open to talking to him about why and what he doesn’t like.

Most likely it is something very insignificant or off the wall (my son hated someone once because of their deep voice and how it hurt his ear). However it’s always sensible to consider that there might be more and provide space for a child to talk or share their worries.

The difficulty is that he’s not your son so how your approach this with your daughter is another matter.

If he’s inconsolable every time he has to go to their house and it’s happened repeatedly....I actually don’t think that’s normal.

Original poster
Elliott2018 · 01/05/2021 01:25

AMED- THANK YOU!

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Elliott2018 · 01/05/2021 01:26

AIMD-THANK YOU!!

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Elliott2018 · 01/05/2021 01:29

@helpfulperson -THANK YOU!!

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Elliott2018 · 01/05/2021 01:31

@Quartz2208
I have been involved in his life since his birth. I have him often(several days a week).

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Elliott2018 · 01/05/2021 01:32

@sherrystrull
No

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