2y10months - family size bag of jelly babies

[MummyBoss86]

I turned up to mum's house yesterday (she'd had the kids all day for me as usual on a Wednesday) and my daughter (3 in June) was sat polishing off a family size bag of jelly babies.

My daughter is tall for her age but when last weighed by the Health Visitor 6 weeks ago, she was classed as Overweight. Admittedly she was only just tipping into the red, but still I took that as a warning sign. My daughter has always loved her food and is known in the family for her sweet tooth. Mum knows about the BMI thing and whilst she said the H.V was being a bit over the top when I mentioned it to her (!) she said she would cooperate and keep an eye on daughter's food intake.

When I told mum yesterday that a 2 yo should NOT be eating a family size bag of sweets, her response was "oh well I'm not raising them to your standard so best you have them yourself then". I would happily put them in crèche the extra day but Mum insists and she knows she'd only be cutting her nose off to spite her face if I did actually take them back the days she usually has them.

Mum insisted that the bag of sweets were all she'd had. When I got in to the car, I noticed my daughter had chocolate all around her mouth. I asked what she'd had and she shouts with glee "choccy buttons mummy!!".

I am fairly relaxed and totally GET that kids will be treated at grandparents' houses. Earlier that day at 11am mum had taken them out to a farm for a drive through chocolate milkshake.

So I make that: eggs on toast for breakfast; sausage eggs and beans for lunch; choc buttons; family size bag of jelly babies. I'm 35 and that's way more than I would eat in a day.

Am I REALLY being unreasonable here?

I'm not planning on sending the kids there next week. We're not really on speaking terms after yesterday. Am I wrong to hold them back? The awkward thing is that the next time we'd then be due to go there is Mum's 70th so makes that whole occasion v awkward if I hold the kids back next week. What would you do?

Send a packed lunch. Tell her it's a chance to show she has your dd's best interests at heart...

@Aprilshowersandhail

Send a packed lunch. Tell her it's a chance to show she has your dd's best interests at heart...

Oh she would totally dine out on this to the whole family making out I'm an awkward bugger. I can hear her now telling everyone how awkward I am being. I also half think she'd throw it in the bin!!!

Let it go ..... honestly

Please, please, please don’t make the mistake I did and for fear of offending my mother in law who fed my kids stupid amounts of junk (a whole pack of jammy dodgers to a 6 year old) and sneaked it behind my back continued to allow her to look after them (I didn’t need the childcare).

Dd is 19 now and still has food issues she attributes to mils attitude towards food. Mils own child had an eating disorder so I should have known. On one occasion mil fed dd until she was physically sick.

She won’t adhere to your rules so change things now before it’s too late.

YNBU, OP. I was an incredibly overweight kid due to my parents feeding me whatever, then my grandparents dishing out second dinners and all manner of homemade cakes. I was 10 stone at 10. I was in my mid-twenties before i got my weight down to a regular BMI and I'm still a bit bitter about it. I believe it was me being overweight as a child that triggered my PCOS age 11.

You're right to be nipping it in the bud now.

Yanbu- I’m a nanny and would get my grandchildren the odd treat pre covid when I had them once a week- but that meant something like a couple of choc biscuits or ice cream for pudding.I would no dream of giving them a huge bag of basically jelly and sugar! If my daughter asked me not to give them something then I wouldn’t give it either.

Do you mean like the 200g grab bags? For one single child??That's insane.
I'm known for my sweet tooth, and even I, on a pig out day, would struggle to eat all that.

I'd book the creche if this is an ongoing junk habbit from your Mum.

YANBU usually I think these threads are ott but wow that really is a lot of sugar! If the BMI won't sway her will she take any notice if you point out that it's awful for your DDs teeth? Say you are scared of her getting a cavity or having to be out under to have a tooth removed?

Sorry I just realised this isn't even AIBU

I think you should put her to nursery. Your mum saying that emotional guilt tripping crap, get your daughter away from that too.
I'd not be happy, that's far too much.

Ugh. My parents in law do this. It's all quantity and not quality. I don't mind treats, but ideally a teeny, dinky little bag of haribo, or if pushed a full-size pack of sweets, but I would only give half. But no! They will buy a catering sized tub of jelly beans which is completely over the top and overwhelming and ridiculous.

Way to young to be eating more than a 3/5 jelly babies as a very special, occasional treat.
I'd ditch the childcare your mum has clearly lost the plot.
From the gleeful passive agressive dig I would suspect she doesn't really want to do it any more either.

Both your mother and the relationship you have with her sound a bit toxic. She has no respect for your parenting choices, which sound eminently sensible and the best way to stop your daughter becoming more overweight. The bit that’s even worse is her so casually saying ‘just have them back then’ when you’ve legitimately questioned her actions. That’s emotional guilt tripping at it’s best. Do you really want to rely on her for childcare?

Even at a perfectly average bmi that’s a horrendous amount of sugar to give a child- wasn’t she bouncing off the ceiling ? Not to mention her poor teeth. Yep wouldn’t be going back if that was my child, and I’m pretty lax about snacks.

Tell your mother the bag of sweets was too much for a child of your daughter's age, two or three jelly babies is quite enough. She doesn't need chocolate as well.

Why did she have eggs for breakfast and then again for lunch? Hope you didn't give her an omelette in the evening!

This will blow over, don't worry.

if you don't need the childcare i'd be limiting the time they spend alone together. You don't want it to turn into a situation where she is 'sneaking' treats to your DD, either making her keep it a secret or at the very least making food an issue.

So I make that: eggs on toast for breakfast; sausage eggs and beans for lunch; choc buttons; family size bag of jelly babies.

Fruit? Vegetables?

I found it wasn't the crap that annoyed me as much as making sure every meal or snack had one or the other (or both). She could probably get scurvy if she ate that every day.

I'd hold them back and put into nursery. If she wants to cut off her nose to spite her face then let her crack on. Your daughters health is far more important than your mother's feelings. Tell her she can see the kids at the weekends or evenings so she can't say you're just removing them completely from her. As for her 70th birthday, attend as though nothing has changed. If you're polite and smiley, there really isn't much she can bitch about. If anyone asks why you stopped her looking after them, you can say "oh, she told me to put them in childcare because she couldn't stop feeding DD sweets and she's got health issues". It's a horribly awkward situation to be in, but needs must.

Oh man, if I were you I would call her bluff and book in the extra day of crèche. Or tell her you have and see what she says.

That is an insane amount of junk food for anyone, let alone a toddler!!

My own MIL had the kids once a fortnight and while yes she did treat them every single time but it was nothing like this!! A chocolate biscuit or a babycino with a marshmallow. It was the price of relying on Nana for care. I never said anything, but if it had been how you are describing it, and after a conversation about her diet, I would absolutely have cancelled that arrangement.

How old are your other children?
I think you should put them in childcare on that day. Your mother is 70. It's probably getting too much for her minding a 2 year old and other child(ren) for a full day.
Let her have them for an hour now and then. That will limit the time she has to feed them junk.

My father did that to my DS at a similar age and he got the worst stomach ache from it, was up crying all night. I was travelling early next morning to an important work meeting (hence needing the childcare) and could barely keep my eyes open.

PPs are right, it was symptomatic of a really unhealthy dynamic, he (my father) basically never adapted to me becoming an adult with my own opinions, and had no tolerance for it, he kept thinking he could throw his weight around and control me.

It's probably just going to get worse I'm afraid.

That's appalling! No child needs that much sugar...terrible for their health and terrible for their teeth.

I have two rules for anyone who looks after my DC... no juice (including fizzy drinks) and no sweets. I'm fairly relaxed about plain chocolate, ice-cream and cake in moderation and accept he's probably going to be overfed on these at granny's house. But I wouldn't let anyone look after him who couldn't respect my boundaries and health choices for my child.

Put her in nursery.

YANBU. This is completely appalling for a nearly 3 year old (or any child tbh)

You need to send food and give your mum a proper talking to, or send her to nursery.

Poor child doesn't have a clue and it's setting her up to fail.

I acknowledge this isn't your fault and your DM is the issue fwiw.

Thats way too much, I'd go ahead and have her in nursery that day instead. Your mums obviously not listening to you

From the comment she made, I think she might actually be finding it a bit much looking after the kids.

Why on these threads does the OP ALWAYS state that the DM/MIL etc ONLY looks after the children because they wanted to.
Absolutely nothing to do with the money being saved for you then OP on childcare. Yeah pull the other one!