Quick question about Ferber method- need to know ASAP!

[bleachblondemom]

I’ve just got my baby to sleep using the Ferber method on the first try (hooray!). My question is... if he wakes up in say 20 mins, do I start again? Or assume that’s all the sleep he wanted? His sleep cycles can be anywhere from 30-45 mins. Do I need to go back in and use the method again to help him link to the next cycle? Does it depend on whether he seems content to wake up or is crying?

@LaceyBetty how old was your child when you did it?

I should say, my son was 7 months old when we started and started slowly. Our issue was that he was taking most of his calories during the night and barely eating during the day. EBF. We HAD to switch that for his and my own good, that was what I initially used the book for.

I disagree. I did the same method with my babies from 3-4 months old and it was utterly brilliant.

I never returned mid nap unless it was full in crying. They usually went back to sleep.

And I think 20 mins is not enough sleep for a 5 month old tbh.

My boys are all adults now and never saw any signs of "cruelty" doing this! You do what you need to do for you and your own situation.

I feel terribly sorry for woman that never leave their baby alone, rock them all night, feed to sleep, have no routine, have 8 year olds still sleeping with them and nearly dead with exhaustion all because they thought a 2 or 3 day sleep training program that works is cruel.

@1940s crossed posts

Don’t feel sorry for me @BigusBumus I signed up to be a parent and I’m so glad my children know I’ll be there any time not just during daylight hours

I do think some (and by no means all) people who are adamantly against Ferber haven't actually properly read the book and just guess at what it must say. It also has whole chapters on what to do when older kids have insomnia, sleep anxiety, won't stay in bed etc. Sleep is so important for growing babies and children and I felt (still feel) it was part of my job to make sure the habits are good.

But don't just wing it! It's works so much better when done properly.

How does Ferber suggest you distinguish between when a child is crying through hunger, pain or being devious and wanting to kill it’s mother through sleep deprivation, for example? Enlighten me please

@LaceyBetty

I do think some (and by no means all) people who are adamantly against Ferber haven't actually properly read the book and just guess at what it must say. It also has whole chapters on what to do when older kids have insomnia, sleep anxiety, won't stay in bed etc. Sleep is so important for growing babies and children and I felt (still feel) it was part of my job to make sure the habits are good.

But don't just wing it! It's works so much better when done properly.

OP hasn't even read it... she's just patched the bits she likes which meant leaving the child to cry to sleep.

@BigusBumus I certainly do not have children with no routine or bed sharing at 8. I actually did different methods of sleep training. My child slept through perfectly at a respectable age with no tears or trauma. It's lazy selfish parenting to leave a 3/4 month old to cry to sleep. Don't have children if you can't be bothered to tend to them when you're tired.

Haven't read it in 10 years so can't remember!

Hm that’s certainly convenient. Well if there’s any other experts who’d like to tell me I’d be interested to know.

That was my original point for the OP. She needs to read the book. I would have never considered Ferber's method in a million years until I'd read the book and followed the method 100%. That is why I felt comfortable with it for my son. There is so much more to it than dumping a baby in a cot and walking away. So much more. I didn't need it at all for my daughter. She was a champion sleeper from day one. It's not for everyone and every baby for sure.

@Cinderellashoes

Hm that’s certainly convenient. Well if there’s any other experts who’d like to tell me I’d be interested to know.

What's your problem?

My problem is I think it’s cruel to leave a small baby crying when you have no way of knowing what’s wrong.

I told the OP the read the book if she wants to know what to do in certain situations if following the method and not to wing it. No one was asking what you think about it or not.

.... you just asked what my problem was, so I answered you.

@1940s oh is that what I’ve done is it, have you been observing me the last few days while I’ve been reading up on the different sleep training methods, have you been watching me all day today whilst I’ve been implementing them, do you know my baby and his sleeping habits over the last 4 and a half months?

Thanks so much for everyone’s concern but I’m happy with my decision and confident that I’m doing the right thing for my child and for me :)

@Cinderellashoes

How does Ferber suggest you distinguish between when a child is crying through hunger, pain or being devious and wanting to kill it’s mother through sleep deprivation, for example? Enlighten me please

That’s why my rule 1 of controlled crying is that you only do it when your baby is old enough that you can reliably hear the difference in their cries between “Ow!/Hungry”, “Help! I have been abandoned and my mum will never return!” and “I’m pissed off because I want to play and am Not Tired Dammit!”. I’d be surprised if you could do that before 6 months.

@BigusBumus looks likes me and you are on the same page :) I’m confident that it’s going to work for us and if it doesn’t then obviously I’m not going to force this method on my baby any further. Don’t know why everyone thinks I’m leaving my baby to scream for hours 😂 he is currently having a lovely snooze after crying for about 5 minutes.

I know when he’s tired, I know when he’s hungry, I know when he’s bored. I’m with him every day of his life. I’m his mom.

Anyway my question was answered and I’m really not interested in discussing the pros and cons of Ferber especially with people so quick to judge. So thanks everyone!

[quote bleachblondemom]@1940s oh is that what I’ve done is it, have you been observing me the last few days while I’ve been reading up on the different sleep training methods, have you been watching me all day today whilst I’ve been implementing them, do you know my baby and his sleeping habits over the last 4 and a half months?

Thanks so much for everyone’s concern but I’m happy with my decision and confident that I’m doing the right thing for my child and for me :)[/quote]
Maybe spend less time reading up on how to leave your child to cry to sleep, and more time with the child

Love the judgey fucks on this. There's literally not one suggestion from the ops post that she's abandoning her child to scream relentlessly.

Good luck op - I hope it goes well and you're getting some well deserved and important sleep soon.

@1940s where is your child whilst you sit on mumsnet crapping all over other people?

Maybe spend less time reading up on how to leave your child to cry to sleep, and more time with the child

Wow.

I am always surprised at how worked up some people get about other people's choices when it comes to their children's sleep. It's unlike any other area of parenthood.

@zippityzip people like that on here used to really upset me, now I just laugh at them whilst I carry on having a perfectly pleasant day with my lovely child who is not crying :)