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Parenting

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11 week old rarely engages

37 replies

Foxglove21 · 21/04/2021 07:53

My 11, nearly 12 week old baby rarely engages with us. It was identified at his 8 week GP developmental check that he still wasn't social smiling. He finally smiled at around 10 weeks, however he only really smiles at us perhaps once every few days and it's very hit and miss.

He also rarely makes eye contact with us, and will go out of his way to avoid looking at us (if we move to be in his eye line he will quickly move away). He's fascinated by the walls/ceiling/pictures on the walls/inside cover of his pram and will give them lovely smiles.

He similarly doesn't track us/objects of interest with his eyes very well; about 90% of the time when we try to encourage this he's staring off into the distance. He doesn't look at us when we come into the room, shows little interest in anything we show him.

He passed his newborn hearing test, and passed the eye checks at the development check up.

My GP has now referred him to a pediatrician and I can't stop worrying and feeling upset about it; sure that it means he's got autism. I know they can't test for this until much later on, but the anxiety is really getting to me. My health visitor isn't interested and keeps just saying nothing can be done about it. Due to covid I've missed out on meeting mums with babies the same age as mine, so can't really make a comparison to see what's within the general lines of "normal'.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with their babies at this younger age? How did it work out?

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CoalCraft · 21/04/2021 09:37

How is he with people he doesn't see as often, e.g. grandparents? There are days where I worry about DD as she seems to have no interest in me at all, then my mum arrives and suddenly DD is all smiles for her. I think she literally gets bored of me! (Rude...)

Unfortunately there may not be much more you can do except continue to encourage eye gazing and object tracking and sit tight for his assessment.

Flowers as I know it's so stressful

PinkCookie11 · 21/04/2021 09:44

Please don’t stress about autism, he’s so young!
As per pp keep encouraging it.
If he loves the stuff on the wall, take him up to it, talk to him about it in a funny voice. Let him explore what he’s interested in.
My LO was obsessed with our living room light at the age and we always lifted him up to see it up close and touch (bulbs off of course)
When you walk into a room say hello and his name.

KM38 · 21/04/2021 09:46

@Foxglove21 I would try not to get yourself to worried about things. Easier said than done, I’m sure ❤️ Every baby is different. Some babies take longer to do things than others!

How is he with toys? My DS wasn’t very interested until we found a toy that really grabbed his attention!

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KM38 · 21/04/2021 09:47

Also, at that age my DS was obsessed with shadows and lights. He would just look straight through us into the corner of the room where the lamp was casting shadows!

PinkCookie11 · 21/04/2021 09:49

He was also obsessed with this!
I deffo recommend it, good for sensory!

11 week old rarely engages
CoalCraft · 21/04/2021 09:53

@PinkCookie11

You have just reminded me that DD went through a phase of obsessively staring at one particular radiator. If we moved it she would contort herself in knots to keep looking at it. We even started calling the radiator Roland and saying it was her friend

She's moved on to toys and people now, thankfully Grin

Branleuse · 21/04/2021 09:54

Even if he does have autism, it doesnt mean he wont engage with you even if its a bit later than average. I know its hard not to stress, but I would just keep him close, carry him and talk to him as much as possible, because stress wont change anything, and seeing a paediatrician will only help identify his needs or give you answers, but they may well not diagnose anything anyway till hes older. try not to let the thoughts engulf you as this is a difficult enough time as it is.

SallyCinnamon3009 · 21/04/2021 09:54

11 weeks old is very very young! And comparison is the thief of joy all babies do things at different times. My 12 week old stares up the stairs constantly I just thought maybe we had a ghost.

Foxglove21 · 21/04/2021 09:58

@KM38 He's not massively interested in toys either, and we have plenty that we try with. He's very much into lights; I think that's maybe why he likes the wall pictures as it's maybe the reflection in the glass more than the picture itself. If we waft something else in front of his gaze though he won't break it- he'll continue staring straight through it, or turn his head to continue. He also loves to stare at the light in our window blinds. He's got a light projector that he is fascinated by too.

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dinochum · 21/04/2021 09:58

[quote CoalCraft]@PinkCookie11

You have just reminded me that DD went through a phase of obsessively staring at one particular radiator. If we moved it she would contort herself in knots to keep looking at it. We even started calling the radiator Roland and saying it was her friend

She's moved on to toys and people now, thankfully Grin[/quote]
"Roland Radiator"
Love this!!! 🤣👍

My first would stare out of the window for hours on end given half a chance (never slept!)

My second is the most distracted baby in the world. Even when nursing she wants to take my nipple far away because I'm clearly boring!

Foxglove21 · 21/04/2021 10:00

@SallyCinnamon3009 You're right about comparing; it's horrible. I had been aware of him doing these things, but had decided not to worry about it until he was a bit older. But the GP and HV have really made me start worrying again Sad

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Foxglove21 · 21/04/2021 10:04

@CoalCraft Funny you say that, he can tend to engage a bit more with others, even his dad. I did wonder if he might just think I'm a bit boring as I'm with him all day.

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RestingPandaFace · 21/04/2021 10:04

When you see the paediatrician I would ask them to check his sight. Babies with poor sight tend to react really well to lights and bright colours but maybe not to faces etc.

Equally he could just be going through a phase and it might be nothing so try not to worry until there’s something to worry about Smile easier said than done I know.

Foxglove21 · 21/04/2021 10:07

@RestingPandaFace I'm hoping that will be the first thing they try, if only to rule it out. It's so hard; logically I know there's no use in worrying and that I'm spoiling the enjoyment of his early months. Yet I can't seem to stop thinking about it, which just makes me notice every little thing that I otherwise might not have given a second thought. I think it was having the health professionals confirm that his behaviour is unusual; before that I was trying to reassure myself that's just what babies do.

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Maggie900 · 21/04/2021 10:13

I sympathise with you. I have worried a few times with my own baby.

I can’t rule out too much on your list, but my baby loves lights and ceilings, he will also flap occasionally and loved the inside of his pram cover and would smile too when he was younger.

He’s met all his milestones at one year and is very social. I am almost certain he doesn’t have autism. Babies are very strange little things.

My friends baby also didn’t track and took a while to smile. It was so severe they wanted to check if he had full eye sight. He’s absolutely fine now and has met all his milestones at 2 years old.

Obviously it is a combination of symptoms which is worrying you but honestly, he’s so young. See what the medical professionals have to say and rest assured that if anything, he is being seen very early. So much can be done to help if it did turn out your baby was on the autistic spectrum.

KM38 · 21/04/2021 10:18

@Foxglove21 mine was the exact same with stating straight though so please don’t take that as a worrying sign. The first toy that caught our DS attention was the Fisher Price Kick’n’Play Piano. He loved lying just kicking his feet off the keys - although he ignored the hanging toys fit the first wee while and just stared at our ceiling light 😅 he would do tummy time on it too facing the flashing piano which he started to love. I bought a pack of those plastic Linkee things and used them to lower all the hanging toys and eventually he started to engage with those too.

Have you tried contrast books? We also had some contrast muslins that I got from an Instagram brand and DS was obsessed with staring at those.

You’re doing everything right for him OP. I’m sure he’s absolutely fine. On the off-chance that there is something that needs attention then you’re doing the best thing for him by having him referred while he’s really young 😊

Foxglove21 · 21/04/2021 11:10

@PinkCookie11

Please don’t stress about autism, he’s so young! As per pp keep encouraging it. If he loves the stuff on the wall, take him up to it, talk to him about it in a funny voice. Let him explore what he’s interested in. My LO was obsessed with our living room light at the age and we always lifted him up to see it up close and touch (bulbs off of course) When you walk into a room say hello and his name.
We do this Smile We joke that he thinks the wall art is his primary care giver; he loves it so much. I do keep trying to interest him with different things when he's alert and happy, and will continue to do so (though my health visitor said I was 'trying too hard'- ugh!).
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HelpfulBelle · 21/04/2021 11:15

DS1 (8) has ASD and ADHD, he’s also exceeding at reading/writing/maths at school and has really excellent friendships.

Autism isn’t necessarily what you think it is Flowers

Persipan · 21/04/2021 11:24

My baby was completely obsessed with a folding chair that was shoved down next to where his changing mat was. We used to call it 'The Shape'. He loved The Shape. He discovered his left arm long before his right, just because the left one was closest to The Shape.

Mabelface · 21/04/2021 11:25

Was he born a little early? If so, look at his corrected rather than actual age. He sounds pretty normal to me.

Foxglove21 · 21/04/2021 11:29

@Mabelface

Was he born a little early? If so, look at his corrected rather than actual age. He sounds pretty normal to me.
He was 3 weeks early, but as he was a day past term they've said to discount that Hmm. I remember the health visitor commenting when he was 1 week old that if he had been born a day earlier he would be classed as prem and his milestone goalposts would change.
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Foxglove21 · 21/04/2021 11:32

@HelpfulBelle

DS1 (8) has ASD and ADHD, he’s also exceeding at reading/writing/maths at school and has really excellent friendships.

Autism isn’t necessarily what you think it is Flowers

Really glad to hear that Smile It's the friendship aspect that bothers me if I'm honest; the thought of him potentially being lonely or bullied breaks my heart so I'm really glad your son is happy.

I'll admit my perspective is a little skewed as I work with kids in special schools/hospital so see the more extreme cases.

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INeedNewShoes · 21/04/2021 11:45

My DD is now 4 years old and I still refer to my bedroom light as 'DD's friend the lightshade' as I swear that ceiling light (whether on or off) got more interaction from baby DD than I did! She's fine. Definitely looks like she's an introvert but that's ok.

There's so much going on with development at this young age. I really would try not to consider worse case scenarios - and as pointed out by pp, even conditions that you might consider a scary prospect often have far more positivity in them than you might realise.

INeedNewShoes · 21/04/2021 11:46

Ah cross-post and I realise my last sentence must sound patronising. Sorry!

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 21/04/2021 11:47

He could have delayed visual maturation and his eyesight may be limited . Ask for a referral to an ophthalmologist if you think it could be this .

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