I don't want to play

[Dreamweaver9009]

I love my toddler. She is what i have dreamed of my whole life. Problem is i dont want to play. I have a bad back and a busted tail bone sitting her her floor hurts. Not to mention even as a kid i had a few baby dolls but more or less played with an imaginary friend outside or read books. She has 27 barbies and 4 doll houses. I hate barbies i never had them as a kisd. She has an imagination but refuses to use unless i play. I have set timers for 20 min of play but she guilts me into more. I spend a out 2 hrs on her floor a day playing then outside with bubbles and walking a mile with her. I am usually so sore i can hardly move once i hit the bed. Then deal with her dad.... Am i the only parent who hates to play with their kids?????

Get a toddler sized table and chairs. IKEA do a lovely one. I had that next to the sofa and would play tea parties/ jigsaw puzzles/ play doh with her sat or stood at the table and me sat on the sofa.

I'm not liking the way you word things about your partner/husband. Are things ok?

I donlove my daughter my day starts at 630 am. We wake up she watches her tablet for 20 min and then i hear play with me... I play dolls for 30 ton40 min then i make breakfast. We clean we blow bubbles or walk a mile outside. She rides her bike we pick flowers. We play with the cat. I will lay on her floor and color. We make lunch. We love to bake cookies. But then inhear it again the second she sees me relax. Mommy come play woth me. So i set a timer. It usually last another 45 min and then she will sit and watch her tablet for 20 min. Then i hear it again. She still wakes up 2 to 3 times a night and i get up with her. I dont like sounding like a bad mom. I just really hate pretend play after an hr. Just wanted to know if i was alone. I play it up woth her i pretend to be exxcited to play princess and babies and dr and Barbies but i think oh god when is this over. With covid strong in our area and bei g new she cant make new friends. Cant get job bc its basically u affordable i would be working to pay for child care

Would working to pay childcare really be so terrible, if it buys you space and sanity? A couple of days a week could make all the difference.

It's perfectly possible to stay a SAHM and have decent breaks though - if your partner is a reasonable supportive person who cares about your quality of life. Is he?

Her life sounds utterly charmed, by the way. You're doing so much with her. It won't hurt her to be bored occasionally or be told "Not now, Mummy is reading - go and play by yourself until lunch". You're a human being, not a machine.

No i get no time even my shower time and my workouts are with her. She will sit ibathroom and wait for me bathroom amd wait for me to be done. If i poop she is beside me. I get maybe 1 day a week where she is calm. Its harder now bc of all the rain. I love her but damn its exhausting especialy having such a huge gap between my kids. Mu son is going to be 12. As for her father i have that issue in another thread. He does hwp with her he plays about 30 mins wither when he is home thays usaully when i vook dinner. She is spoiled. Swe cave he gives her what he wants bc he hates her temper she gets from him. I spoil her bc i never got that as a kid. I mean i tell 30 times a day that she is mart and pretty and that i love her more then the world

It’s pretty full on with toddlers. Your day sounds much like mine. I don’t think working to pay for childcare is that bad really - the financial benefits are limited but there’s lots you can both gain from sometime apart which is evident from this post.

Childcare is a relatively short lived expense.

Its just not feasable with one car bills amd 3e dollars a day for child care. Gas is 3 dollars a gallon and it just seems like wants the point in a job if no extra miney to do something special for the kids if its all going tonchild car and gas just to get away

I used to struggle to play pretend etc. It got better once they into crafts. Sitting at the table painting leaves in the autumn or crafting, using face paints etc. So I do get it. I have a great DH but he rarely spends time with them. 1 on 1. He loves us by doing all the cooking and most of the chores.

She needs to play imaginary games as it’s so important for her development but you definitely don’t need to be the one to play with her! As others have said it might be worth working so you can pay for her to be in nursery with other children to play with.

It’s hard at the moment with no toddler groups open but it sounds like she (and you) would benefit from her being able to play with other children more.

Maybe ds could earn his pocket money by playing dolls with dd for 30mins a day while you get some downtime.

I hated pretend play. I did a lot of distracting with other games/toys.

I like pretend games and can play dolls and shops and vets. But I hate board games or things like that. Which is bizarre as I loved them as a child. I think it is having to remind them of the rules and watch their dice throwing or blatant cheating.

I don't think you need a timer, op, but playing for a bit then saying, "Im going to do something else now and will play later" is fine.

If it's not feasible, then it's not feasible

You need to focus on how you can carve out a bit of time for yourself as a SAHM, then. Your partner needs to understand that you can't work 24 hour days any more than he can. Could he take her out for a burger or to the park a couple of times a week, so you can recharge your batteries?

And definitely start having short periods during the day when Mummy is doing something else and can't be bossed around. Warn her that it's coming: "We'll go for a walk, then make the cookies - then Mummy is going to read/whatever, and you are going to play quietly like a big girl until lunch time". Be firm! It's good for her as well as for you.

@Dreamweaver9009

Its just not feasable with one car bills amd 3e dollars a day for child care. Gas is 3 dollars a gallon and it just seems like wants the point in a job if no extra miney to do something special for the kids if its all going tonchild car and gas just to get away

What’s the point in a job?

To save your mental health and to give your daughter someone to play with and then you will value your time with her all the more rather than it being a chore and feeling suffocated. At a job you can even poop without someone next to you!!

How old is she? She sounds quite verbal. Will she be going to school/school nursery soon?

I use the timer bc she wont throw a huge temper tantrum. If injust say i am done she will will go all out and start throwing things and crying and call me mean. If i set the time the most she does is say she is mad and stomp off.

I've never really "played" with my dcs. We have the odd game of hide and seek but that's it really. I do baking, crafts, taking them out to places, dancing around the kitchen, being silly etc but never imaginative play. I don't think it's good to give them ALL of your time and attention, they need to learn how to keep themselves occupied. Both of mine were quite content to play by themselves from the time they started playing really. If they asked me to play with dolls or cars I'd just say "not now, you can play that by yourself". Also it helps them to be independent and less clingy.

I think you need to assert yourself a bit more. With your daughter and your partner. She won't break if you discipline her, and you don't have to give in to stomping and tantrums. You don't have to be unkind or angry, just firm. You're her mother, you decide what happens when.

It's hard when you didn't have a great childhood yourself. I've overindulged mine for the same reasons

Mmm, I'm not great at constant playing with my DC either. And I mostly don't feel bad about it as a) I did play sometimes and b) I did other things. I think it might be time to start telling her that she needs to play alone at least some of the time. Eg, colouring is not an activity a parent needs to actively do alongside a child - get the colouring out and stay with her, by all means, oooh and aaaah appreciatively every few minutes, but you don't have to be on the floor doing it with her.

Also, consider what "games" involve you sitting on the couch and doing very little! . We had, for example, the, "mummy is sleeping and can DS sneak away without mummy waking up" game where I would lie on the couch until he was almost out the door then sit up shouting for him to come back. DD was a big fan of the "cafe" game where I am a customer in her cafe and she makes me endless cups of tea, cakes and other snacks using her toy kitchen while I sit politely on the couch (usually with my kindle). DSis has NAILED interaction with her nieces by getting them to "do" her hair for her.

My point is that you can "play" with them without necessarily having to leap around, zoom cars, or personally dress the barbies. Come to think of it - what about a barbie fashion show? She goes and dresses the barbies in special outfits then comes back and parades them for the judge (you)? Winner gets a chocolate button.

LittleRa she just turned 3 in January and she is hige on wors. I work with her on that she knows afraid, frightened scared all mean the same. I have been a reader since i was in second grade and read hp books. I aleays use different words to teach her and she knows a lot. Yet refuses to do the abc's i am sure child care would help but covid is huge here and there the only place accepting kids her age is the ymca 7 miles from the house at 33 bucks a hr. And me making a measly 8 it would cause more problems financially.

@Dreamweaver9009

I use the timer bc she wont throw a huge temper tantrum. If injust say i am done she will will go all out and start throwing things and crying and call me mean. If i set the time the most she does is say she is mad and stomp off.

Also, on this, I"m not sure how old she is, but when she's throwing a temper tantrum and basically manipulating you (of course, she's a toddler so she's not thinking in that language) I've found a simple, calm, "I'm sorry you're upset and I know you're sad about this, but it's time for mummy to have a cup of tea/read a book/ call granny/whatever and so I can't play with you right now but I will do x/y/z with you in half an hour" or whatever.

I don't enjoy long periods of playing either. I like to be around and chatting about what he's up to but not really sitting on the floor actively joining in. It's nicer now he's getting to the age of enjoying simple board/card games and harder jigsaws.

We play hide and seek and make playdough. We do it all i just feel guilty to want to be left alone. I used to be a le to read a 500 pafe book in a half a day now i alucky to see page 50 by bedtime. As for firm i tell her no i just hate doing it. My childhood was ruff therefore i refuse to ever yell or spank my kids. I raise my voice but she is a very Lively kid. I mean pretty much balls to the wall 12 to 14 hrs straight. Gotta say though kid loves her veggies lol. I was just ao independent raised by grandparents from age 5 to 10 that i learned tonplay in my own. Rode a bike spent hours at a pool in the summer and read. She is so opposite me that its harder to relaate. I try i really do but sometimes the imaginary play gets to me and i am like use ur imagination and make a pretend friend

Can you make a picture timetable for the day and work in some quiet time? They do this at my sons nursery.

and repeat!

@Dreamweaver9009

LittleRa she just turned 3 in January and she is hige on wors. I work with her on that she knows afraid, frightened scared all mean the same. I have been a reader since i was in second grade and read hp books. I aleays use different words to teach her and she knows a lot. Yet refuses to do the abc's i am sure child care would help but covid is huge here and there the only place accepting kids her age is the ymca 7 miles from the house at 33 bucks a hr. And me making a measly 8 it would cause more problems financially.

Sorry I don’t know what you mean by “she is hige on wors”- I assume it’s a typo but I can’t work it out?

My question was will she be starting nursery, school etc soon? That would give you some respite and her an outlet to play. It sounds like you’re not in U.K. so I don’t know the system. Here at age 3, children get 15 hours free at nursery (and some on low incomes get 30 hours free).

I can't do the imaginary stuff, it melts my head, so I find things that don't melt my head to play instead. I can happily play board games or do arts and crafts stuff (been doing subscription craft boxes from toomba which are quite good). We do drawing tutorials online which aren't too bad either. I don't have it in me to play mermaids with hair clips (????) Or play make believe cafe or shop for more than 10 mins. I think the trick is to find something that you dont hate and play that. Or if all else fails, read a book. I think most of the time they're looking a connection more than a specific way of play, so you can try to navigate them towards something bearable and non-head-melting