Husband not taking safety seriously

[Elzibells]

Hi, I'm a SAHM to a 1 year old. I just wanted some advice and different opinions on the following...my husband takes medication first thing in the morning before he gets out of bed. We have agreed that he will keep all tablets in a locked box on a high shelf in the kitchen yet I still keep finding them just lying around, not even in their packets. This morning I found one in the bed, last week, one under the couch. Despite our agreement he keeps leaving them out or putting them in his pocket and forgetting they are there meaning they fall out. Luckily I am hypervigilant and keep finding them before our DD does. She is at the stage now where she puts EVERYTHING in her mouth. I am with DD all the time but she is now walking and it is getting more difficult to constantly watch what she is up to. I am really worried she is going to come across one before I do and swallow it. We won't even know what it is because he takes them out the packet. I suffered with anxiety after DD was born and have managed to overcome this but this issue is causing me to be very anxious again. I have discussed this with DH on multiple occasions and he is always very apologetic, says he won't do it again but then he does. I don't want to be angry with him but this has happened in excess of 10 times now and he isn't listening. Has anyone else been in a similar situation or is there any advice you can give me to try and help him to stop being so careless?

Well there's obviously going to be problems if he's forgetful, keeps them in the kitchen, but has to take them in bed.
Can't he keep the locked box in a bedside cabinet?

Maybe the 'lock box high shelf' solution isn't that practical for him Maybe the pills need to live near where he takes them - kitchen, bathroom, whatever. Put it back on him. "These pills show up all over the place. What will you do to stop that happening?"

What medication is he on? But his lax behaviour is absolutely ridiculous, do NOT feel that this is related to your anxiety diagnosis, this is an absolute rational thing to be anxious about because of what could happen! Why on earth is he doing this?!

How can he take them before he gets out of bed if they are in the kitchen?
Would it not be better to keep them closer to the bed, maybe in a bedside drawer? They don’t need to be in a locked box

Tell him he needs to come up with a working solution that will stop this happening.
I would blow my top I'm afraid.
He needs to take responsibility, stop apologising for getting it wrong, and stop getting it wrong.

What is wrong with him
I mean seriously does he need to go to the doc about his memory
How horrible to have to police him like this how unsexy
The lockbox needs to change location alright perhaps in his car?

I have to take daily steroids for Addison’s disease (as well as masses of other things everyday) and I have to take them when I wake up. When ds was little I used to have a lockable box next to the bed. Keeping them in the kitchen wouldn’t have worked for me as I need to take them when I literally wake up and then wait half an hour before getting up.

But this isn’t really an issue with where to keep the tablets, it’s more that he’s just careless isn’t he? Very difficult situation.

I'm not surprised your anxious if he's constantly leaving loose pills around the house. I do wonder though why after so many near misses he hasn't yet taken the initiative and tried to find a solution himself. My worry would be any solution you try to implement will not be effective.

I personally would start throwing them out as you see them. That might make him realise he needs to keep better care of them.

@FindingMeno

Tell him he needs to come up with a working solution that will stop this happening. I would blow my top I'm afraid. He needs to take responsibility, stop apologising for getting it wrong, and stop getting it wrong.

This -100%

You cannot let this go OP - it is serious.
Never compromise on anything that is a safety concern for your child

The box is quite large. The ridiculous thing is that we both have locked bedside cabinets. He insists on leaving them in tealight holder to pop when he wakes up. I am just so tired of having this conversation with him and having to police this issue... more than that I'm worried I will not be there one day to intercept before DD comes across one of them 😕

Could you get something like this for by the bed www.amazon.co.uk/Reflects-Individual-Compartments-Hinged-firmly/dp/B06XHKKXS6/ref=asc_df_B06XHKKXS6/?hvlocphy=1006656&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=266233417601&hvpone&hvlocint&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-420704186547&hvrand=594325397722697614

The locked box should be upstairs if he has to take them in the bedroom. In a bedside drawer? In the bathroom? No point in it being downstairs.

My dh has a pill sorter thing where he sorts his tablets into days of the week and then he knows exactly which ones he needs each day. It's kept in the bathroom cabinet

I’d be absolutely furious with him.

As pp have suggested, put the problem back on him and tell him that he needs to come up with a solution to this. “Sorry I’ll be more careful” isn’t one, because if that was going to work it would have worked already.

If he puts them in his pocket, leaves them lying about and so on, he is going to lose them and forget where they are. You know this and he knows this because it’s what keeps happening. So he needs to have a system where they are never ever in his pocket or lying around, they are either in a safe place or in his hand to swallow. What and where that safe place is should be up to him, but it can’t be ‘in a pocket’ or ‘sitting next to the bed in a tealight holder in toddler grabbing distance’ obviously.

Tell him you think she’s eaten one.

My eldest daughter climbed on a chair, reached my tablets from a high cupboard and fed a couple to her younger sister. She lost consciousness and was completely unresponsive and we spent a very worried night in A&E. She was fine in the end, but I learnt my lesson about keeping tablets locked up. Tell your husband to lock his tablets up now before he ends up in the situation we did!

There are plenty of options for small lockable boxes that will go on a bedside table. I was looking for one recently (a big one) and I actually struggled because all the ones I found were small and would fit on a bedside table.

I think the problem may be the issue of him needing to keep them locked away in another room high out of reach and not where he actually needs to take them. Personally, I take tablets every day. I leave them where I take them - one is in the bathroom next to the tap and one is in the kitchen next to the coffee. Both just in the boxes they come in from the pharmacy. I've had two dc go through the toddler phase and never felt I needed to lock medicine away. But if he must have it right next to his bed, put one foil pack in a small lock box next to the bed and store the others in the kitchen.

Your DH needs to take responsibility for sure, but clearly where he’s keeping them is not working out. If he needs them in the bedroom then keep them in the bedroom!

Store the locked box on or in his bedside table or find some way to childproof a drawer in his bedside table

You're 'worried' and you've 'discussed' it

Time to be 'incandescent with rage' and 'lose your living shit' with him.

Is there a reason his cognitive abilities are so poor or is he just a shit father?

I think you need to find a lockable solution in the bedroom as suggested upthread.

I think you need to find a practical solution rather than locked boxes which is quite a hassle eg. a small pill box (can get in home bargains) which you decant pills into. They are extremely hard to open. Keep it somewhere up high. Take the pills as soon as they are taken out. Or a pill box to keep in pocket.

I'm on life long scary meds and I know how easy it can be to be lax with them but basically he needs to get better at this, it's not negotiable or acceptable. Medication can be very dangerous around kids which you obviously know.
Set reminders on phones if remembering is difficult, move to more logical places rather than having them out visible.
Mine are in a locked cash box in bedside cabinet (tablets) for morning and evening tablets and a locked medicine cabinet under the bed (injections - quite big boxes), sharps box on top of the wardrobe and a closed box in kitchen cupboard for in the day ones.

I know it would be treating him like a child but in your shoes i would take his meds off him and hand them out every morning until he is willing to be responsible. At least you'd have some control.

Thank you all for your comments, advice and suggestions. After a serious discussion today it has materialised that he does not need to take them as soon as he wakes up he just chooses to for convenience, he is mortified that this has happened again and has promised that there will be a zero tolerance policy now for pills being anywhere other than in the locked kitchen box. I agree (and so does he) with what you all say about child safety being a non negotiable issue. It isn't something you get a second chance with. He is a more than brilliant dad and a very high functioning person which is why I was so baffled about the situation in the first place and came on here for advice! It's just this very small but very important situation that absolutely must change. Thanks again everyone, really appreciate the posts x

Wait what now? They don't need to be by the bed? I feel for you I really do! Hope he finally gets it OP. Don't give him any more chances, this is far too serious.