I hate being a mum

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My DS was a decent sleeper until he hit 10 months but for the last 6 weeks he’s been a total nightmare. If I put him down for a nap he will instantly scream and cry until I give in and take him for a walk in the pram. It can take him an hour to fall asleep so I’m often having to do two, two-hour walks twice a day. It’s exhausting.

He’s the same when going to bed at night, crying and screaming for 1.5-2 hours before finally falling asleep. Fortunately he does normally sleep through once he’s finally dropped off (probably because he’s so tired from barely sleeping in the day). When up during the day he’s generally happy, though will whinge and cry if left to play alone for any longer than two minutes.

I honestly can’t take it anymore - his cry just sets me on edge and I’m totally shattered. I’m either trying to get him to sleep or playing with him and I don’t get any downtime whatsoever, as when he is asleep I work part time.

I feel so frustrated and tempted just to leave him to cry it out. I often find myself wishing I hadn’t become a mum as I feel so tired and stressed all the time. Having these thoughts makes me feel hugely guilty and cruel and therefore even worse about myself.

Thankfully DH has been off work yesterday and today so has taken him out, but I’m already dreading tomorrow. Honestly - I don’t know how much more I can take.

Sounds very tiring!!

I absolutely hated 7-12 months as we went through the exact same thing, constant whinging and trouble sleeping.

How many naps are you trying to put him down for? I think my DD went around to 1 nap around that age.

Teething is a big issue around this age, so he might be in a lot of discomfort, esp when lying down, have you tried any relief? Anbesol worked great for us.

Also I remember it became a lot better once she started walking as a lot of her whinging was because she felt restricted.

I know its tough but hang in there, everything is just a phase and it might seem forever but it will eventually pass.

this is a tough age. My youngest is coming up for this age and the grumbling is definitely ramping up. 10 months is a classic age for sleep issues, as they're learning loads - separation anxiety, crawling/cruising/walking depending on the baby, teeth are coming, they're learning to communicate with sounds more like words etc etc. In other words it's a huge transitional time. I've always resorted to increasing cuddles and focused time sat together playing and accepting that extra feeding / cuddling before naps is needed, including going back to feeding / rocking to sleep if necessary. It is a phase and it will pass I promise. I like Sarah Ockwell-Smith for gentle advice but obviously that's my preference and you may feel differently. I just didn't want to read and run. You're not alone. Xx

Thanks for replying. I’ve been trying to get him to sleep tonight and he just won’t. He cries as soon as he’s put down in the cot. I’ve been in to cuddle him and put him back down three times now. This has been going on for 45 minutes.

What can I do???

I absolutely dread bedtime in particular because I’m frequently upstairs until 8.30-9pm at night, trying to get him to sleep. I’m hungry and tired and honestly so depressed.

This stage is really shit op. He’s old enough to know what he wants but not big enough to tell you. Hopefully things will improve when he’s walking and can tire himself out.

What can I do? Should I keep going in and picking him up? Leave him to cry? I’m just totally confused at what I’m supposed to do. He can obviously self settle as he was a good sleeper until recently.

I just can’t take it anymore

I'd say try to leave him 10 minutes get yourself a drink if he's still not worn himself out you can try soothe again
Hang in there

Maybe speak to your gp if you are feeling depressed

Could you go put a mattress on the floor and lie with him? You’ve been lucky to have an easy sleeper until now. If you leave it, he’ll probably go back to how he was before in a while. Alternatively give in! Mine never went to sleep unaided so I’d never just put him in the cot and expect him to go to sleep. I know people will say, once you start this, you can’t stop it, but lying with him to get him to sleep at night is how mine gets to sleep. Bonus, I get to lie in a dark room for anything from 10-30 mins

Or, just get him up and try again later (I hate this when I’m struggling to get my ds to sleep) - I get quite stressed out about it. But going for a drive in the car helps if nothing else does. Is that an option?

Just wanted to say I went through a similar thing with my DC at this age and she did go back to self settling once she was through it.

I know it's hard but try and tell yourself it's just a phase.

Is there anyone else that can help you for a day so you can get a break?

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this OP. I really do empathise, I have been where you are and it is so awful, it feels like they're never going to sleep, you're exhausted and just need the time that you cannot get. All I can say is that this is a phase, it will pass, you will get through it and he will sleep well again. I know that's not very helpful when you're exhausted... but I found what helped me was to try not to be too rigid at bed time. My DD needed lots of cuddles at this age, and I ended up cuddling her to sleep infront of the telly on my lap more nights than I can remember. Once she was fully asleep she would go down in her cot... My DD was always like this when she was a little under the weather or teething, and Calpol would sometimes help. Most of all, solidarity to you OP - this too will pass xx

I co-slept downstairs with each of my 5 babies until they were 6 months old then I left them to it, literally closed the door at 9pm and kissed them goodnight and went upstairs and joined my dh!

I have no idea if they slept through or not but I know I did!

Oh this is a really hard age OP. It’s exhausting.

The things I can suggest.
Co sleep - not ideal but it may mean that you get some rest.

A little bit of cry it out - babies will cry if you out them down for sure but have you tried just giving it a minute?
With mine I would Cuddle soothe then put down in cot, they will probably wriggle around a bit but that’s fine. Give them a couple of minutes to work it out their system, they won’t just lay still immediately.
After a few minutes, soothe them by patting chest or leg, shushing and saying “time for sleep”. Anytime they try to push up then just gently get them back into position and do the patting and shushing.
Try and repeat this until they seem settled then leave the room, they might cry so go back in and settle again “time for sleep” - then leave room and give it another minute.

I had to do this over a few nights but they really do learn quite quickly.

Ambesol for teeth if you think baby is teething or in pain.
Extra bit of porridge before nighttime milk if you think baby might be having a growth spurt.
White noise on your phone - my baby love’s white noise and it really soothes him.

10/12 months they are learning to walk, learning first words, side teeth coming in. There is SO much going on.

I’m so sorry you are struggling, if all else fails then just let baby come down with you, put lullabies on YouTube kids, give them a bottle of milk to feed themselves whilst you have your dinner.

They will grow out of it I promise. Both of mine started sleeping through around one year. It’s a very hard time because of all the development leaps.

Don’t feel guilty about how hard you’re finding it - I used to feel absolutely rage towards mine when I was severely sleep deprived. But now it seems a life time ago.

Everything with children is a phase. It will pass.

Important thing is if you feel angry then leave the room. Baby will be fine to cry for 2 minutes - go and scream into a pillow if you need to

Can you cuddle/rock/shhh to sleep.

I still do this with my 2.2 year old-
Then transfer him to his cot once asleep!

Hi, we struggled with self settling. The chair method worked for us. Also, giving the baby something like a rice cake about an hour before bed. You do need to persevere with the chair method. Get a good book and have a cup of tea while you’re sitting there. Good luck

Go easy on yourself. If he is fighting a nap either take him for a walk/drive or let him nap on you. It won’t last forever. He might go back to self settling but until then, don’t feel bad for cuddling/rocking him to sleep if it helps. Again, he won’t need it forever. Do whatever you need to do to feel okay. Leaving him to cry for a little bit won’t hurt either , as long as you feel okay with doing it. Ask for help from partner or friends if possible. It will pass. My DS never slept well until he was around 3 and was very hard work at that age but now at 3.5 is a delight and lovely company- I much prefer this stage to when he was a baby!

I would suggest either co-sleeping to get him down, then transfer or at least stay in the room as clearly he needs you there with him at the moment, stroking, shushing etc.

Where is your husband in the evening?

Do you breastfeed? Do you bottle feed? What's your bedtime routine?

It is so bloody hard! and if we were all honest i dont think any mum would actually say they realy love being a mum if their baby were crying all the time and wouldnt sleep so therefore mum is completely exhausted all the time.
Ive got twins and i think i cried every single day for the first year i was beyond exhausted, one of my twins was very poorly for the first 18 months and we had frequent emergency hospital visits often in the early hours of the morning.
They would never nap for more than 20 minutes at a time and very rarely together.
They didnt actually sleep through until they were 2.5 years.
I thought i was never going to make it through, and when i think about the sleep deprivation now i feel sick.

They are now 5 and are amazing, they sleep like angels, finally!!
This will pass i promise you, but it is so hard and i remember those days so well. Just hang in there!

My little monsters are now 5 and amazing sleepers finally,

It's really hard when they suddenly stop sleeping! We had something similar when DC2 was around 9 months. Can you take turns with your DH so he does some of the bedtimes? I also coslept on a mattress on the floor when things were bad. Maybe you could swap to 1 nap if it takes you ages to get him to sleep. Sometimes it's easier to skip a nap if you spend more time convincing the child to sleep than the actual nap.
It's hard when they cry and you are at the end of your tether with no idea what to do to make it stop. But these bad phases pass and hopefully he will sleep better soon.

Let him cry it out. Babies do cry when they're tired. My three year old stoll has a little meltdown, tantrum type thing before he goes to sleep. We just let him get it out of his system. Sometimes babies don't know they can go to sleep on their own. Like everything, they have to learn. After a few nights, he'll start realising that waking up doesn't mean he gets fed or played with and he'll start to learn to go back to sleep. It feels like you are being cruel to be kind. But you are, to both of you. Remember you can love your child, but hate being a mum. Totally normal in these circumstances. It can be like a form of torture

Hi OP

I felt I had to reply to this as around a year ago I was feeling similar. I loved my wee boy but found life stressful and often felt frazzled.
I sorted sleep first. It meant we both got rest and I was ready for another day. It also really improved his mood during the day. I chose to do gentle sleep training. Let him cry but go in after 3 minutes, 6 minutes, 9 minutes and then 9 again until he was sleeping.
This worked and he has slept through since. I think it took around 3 nights. He is almost two now and sometimes cries when I say it's night night time but I always stick to routine and he's usually chatting to his teddies 30 seconds after I leave the room.
Hang in there it's so tough but it honestly does get easier. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk further.

Thanks for the replies - I haven’t read them all yet but will do when I’m less frazzled. He’s up again tonight - 8.50pm and crying as soon as I put him down. I’m honestly at the point where I can’t take this anymore. I’m scared this is going to be my life for the next two or three years.

I send all my love and empathy. My eldest was like this at the same age and I was so desperate.

I put a mattress pad on the floor and fed him to sleep because it was the only way he’d settle. I could nap too and it got us through that ghastly time.

Do what you need to survive. It gets easier.