When does it get easier?

[frustratedwiththepandemic]

I have a just turned 4 and just turned 2 year old. I'm finding it incredibly relentless.

Both have underlying issues and my own health isn't great. They both have a lot of energy to burn and I can't keep. I find the mess overwhelming. The last year hasn't helped of course, wfh without childcare for the majority of it. Even though I work part time, I don't manage to cook, leave the house in a tidy state if we are off for a walk etc. It's like I'm not really benefiting from my time off.

I can't wait until I have a bit more mental space to sit and have lunch in peace for example. I thought when the youngest turned 2 it would get easier but we've had a bad run with health and he's been very clingy.

Wondering if I am depressed but I dont feel my mood itself is low, just that I have so much to do and zero time. I've really slipped with the self care, face masks etc thing of the past! I just manage basics like showering and getting dressed into (ugly but comfy) clothes

Just looking for uplifting experiences please! I know it won't be like this forever but God does it feel like time is dragging.

When your youngest is 3 each week gets easier I’m my experience. Actively some nice moments by 3.5, things revolutionary easy by 4. Just a year to go!

Solidarity being sent your way. I’ve also got a 2 and 4 year old... it’s tiring and relentless. Glimmers of hope occasionally when they play together-
Lasts about 1.5 min!!!

Sorry @frustratedwiththepandemic I can't tell you it gets better but I can sympathise. I also have 2 DSs, 3.5 and 1.5yrs. My flat is also a constant mess (despite me cleaning g and tidying all bloody day) and food is usually quick, easy and eaten either scolding hot or freezing cold. I've also been wfh with both of them with me during the pandemic whilst DP.is out at work, thank god the older one has started nursery again.
It will get easier. It has to!

Oof, yes, now that mine are 5 and 3 it has got noticeably a LOT easier!!! A lot.

I think 1 and 3 is the hardest bit then it gets progressively better, the youngest being 4 being a high point hang in there!

Thanks so much! Really appreciating these comments.

Handhold for the others with dc same age - let Me know if you fancy a WhatsApp group

Once the youngest is about 4/5 they get a bit more self sufficient.

4yo and 21mo solidarity.
It's bloody tough, but every day feels like we're getting closer to something 'nicer'.

I mean, they're amazing kids and make me laugh, but the daily grind of feeding, mess, watching them, try not to fall over dear, or don't climb that dear, don't put that in your mouth, don't do that to her etc... It gets boring!

I laugh a lot lot more than I did when the youngest was under 1. Fucking hell that was a dark time.

Mine are now 7 and 5 and things are much easier. I found when my youngest started school generally things eased a bit! Today has been hard but, oddly, the fact that it’s felt abnormally hard is a good thing! It means it’s usually not so bad . It is incredibly hard having two little ones. I look back and think I didn’t give myself enough credit at all!! Hang on in there

Following as also have just turned 4 yr old (who is autistic) and a just turned 2 year old (who I think has co authored a book on how to tantrum / be difficult / drive your parents crazy)

I hope to god it gets better soon. We do have occasional nice moments and mealtimes are gradually improving but dear god it is relentless. I’m hoping that when my youngest is 3 it’ll be better!

I don't know because I'm not there yet but I'm counting down to when the youngest is 3. My eldest was so much easier at that age (she's now 4 and youngest is 1).

This too shall pass. We can do this!

I have 6yr old 4 yr old and 1 yr old . 6 &4 year olds absolute breeze in comparison to 1 year old . 3ish is a massive turning point . - sleep well , eat independently go to the toilet , play , understand consequences !

2 and 4 solidarity here. Some days i love my family and other days I feel like I am drowning. I know when the two year told gets to four life will be so different, but it’s so hard.

I do feel like i don't give myself enough credit - but no one really talks about it being hard once
You are past the immediate baby stage..

It’s so bloody hard! But you are nearly through the toughest bit. When your youngest is three there will be a definite shift. And then it just keeps getting a little bit easier here and there, week by week.

Solidarity sister! Hang in there

How is everyone getting on? I don't know how to switch off from the constant mess and feel like mentally my brain is super scrambled trying to juggle everything.

I've been contemplating giving up work! But financially we can't afford to for the next 6 months.

Also 4yo and almost 2yo. It is relentless, just went away for a weekend and come back much more tired than I was before and with a huge heap of clearing, laundry etc.

Re mess - my house is incredibly messy, but what has helped a bit is having a toy box rotation system that are kept on high shelves. So we have 1-2 boxes out at a time and everything needs to be back in the box before it can be swapped for another one. Things like play food, dress up stuff, jigsaws. Stops them from just getting things out for two mins then walking off.

Some toys are out all the time and we have boxes to deal with those - one for cuddlies, one for duplo, one for DD random bits of cut-up paper, one for other stuff that doesn't fit anywhere.

I've got a bit stricter at telling people what presents to get DC, mainly stuff like more duplo rather than an entire set of something different that then needs to be organised somehow. DD likes having storage for her stuff to keep her brother away.

It's basically a lot of boxes. Trying not to have stuff that doesn't fit in one of the boxes and if they get too full, we need a clear out.

It's been a fucker of a year and you have two small children, be kind to yourself. May the summer be spent outdoors with minimal tidying!

@Crowsaregreat good to hear from you. That sounds helpful actually will try that.

It has been a crap year! They drove me batshit today. It's got to get better.

7 is the magic number. A wise uncle with tons of kids once told me, don't try and do anything civilised until they're 7. He was right IMO. Holidays, meals, family time, anything, becomes pleasant rather than bare able.

@frustratedwiththepandemic No advice but I hear you. I'm a single mum to 2 year old twins. Genuinely feel like I'm going to die of exhaustion. They've already been awake since 5am and I don't know how I'm going to get through the day.

It is so so hard. We just have to believe it will get better

I have a 6 year old dd and 2 year old ds, it's hard work. I feel like I never get a break and when they're at school/nursery I'm frantically catching up with work (wfh) then it's pickup time and the kids are tired, demanding and need baths, dinner, entertainment etc. Then there's the endless washing to be dealt with, housework etc. It's relentless. I hear you op about self care going out the window. Even if I get a spare ten mins to myself I can't be bothered to do my nails or a face mask or whatever. Being showered and dressed is enough. Since lockdown I wear joggers all the time, even for the school run or to go to the park. Never would have done that pre covid! But I just want to be comfy and can't see a reason to look fashionable or smart when no one is going to see me or care. I'm really hoping the posters saying it gets easier after 3 are right as my youngest turns 3 soon. Oldest is a lot easier but is quite high maintenance emotionally, especially when she's tired and she still tantrums occasionally. It's so hard, sorry I don't have much advice but it sounds like it just takes time as with many things. I feel like I just want to reclaim myself a little bit. I try to get out for a run or do some yoga on my own when I get a chance and that does help my mh enormously. Could you do the same? Sending hugs.

@JadedStrumpet I feel your pain. I'm a single mum to 14-month old twins.

Like others, self-care is virtually nonexistent. Shower every day is about it, and just wear leggings. I work full-time in a pressurized stressful senior role, so never have a second. I just work, look after babies and sleep.
Hopefully it'll get easier when they're 3!

Now mine are nearly 4 and nearly 6 I've been finding it easier last few months, 6 year old has always been a breeze but 4 year old has always been really really reallllyyy tough. Oldest one stopped napping before youngest was born and youngest stopped napping at 2.

You'll get through it, it'll start getting easier from now onwards

Oh really, no one talks about it being hard past the baby stage? That's not my experience. I found that a breeze and it definitely gets harder once they're mobile. 1 and 3 here and finding it particularly hard because the 1 year old is quite dangerous, so hoping by the time he can wander around without hurting himself and go up and downstairs (about 2) it will be a lot easier 🤞