Pregnant but don't know anything about looking after a baby.

[LBunz]

Title says it all. I've been trying to find books but they all seem focused on pregnancy rather than what to do when the baby comes.

I basically need a manual that you would give to an alien if you handed them a newborn human. I literally know nothing. I'm the youngest in the family so no experience around babies until I was 18 then I didn't even want to be around babies. Never changed a nappy, only baby sat a 2.5 year old once for 4 hours and she was asleep so didn't do anything other than listen to the baby monitor.

Please help me. I have ADHD and I've been trying for weeks to put lists together but I'm struggling so much to focus and to know what exactly to research. I look at websites but I just don't know what I need to know and I get overwhelmed easily. I've looked for books on amazon but they all seemed to be aimed at dads or years and years out of date.

If one more person tells me 'it'll come naturally' I will have a breakdown. I need real information about temperatures, what to dress a baby in, how much sleep they need, how often to feed them, etc etc.

Please help, I'm struggling a lot and already feeling like I'm failing.

Bless you. So much good advice here. Just wanted to add, I knew NOTHING about children when I had my DD and frankly every baby that ever looked my way seemed to scream. I never even dared hold the babies women brought into work in case I accidentally broke one.

But hey I am an absolutely brilliant mum now. It is disorienting and baffling when you arrive in the post-natal ward, battered and shattered from squeezing an entire human out of a small hole, and someone actually seems to expect you to know what to do with the little person. But the midwives will help you, suck up all the information you can from them in your time there especially if you aim to breastfeed, and then all too quickly you are home with this little person and it is terrifying and utterly bloody brilliant. If you have a mum or MIL who is happy to help, don't necessarily push them away - help in the first few weeks can be extremely useful and I'm NOT a fan of baby-mooning.

I learned everything really though from online forums, join one for your birth month and ask every question you can think of! Also if you can find a few mums IRL it can be really nice to buddy up when the babies are tiny.

A friend of mine reckons that books aimed at new mums tend to have an 'angle' to them, which can make it harder to find ones that suit you. She recommended this book, aimed squarely at New dads, as it's different more matter of fact: www.amazon.co.uk/Commando-Dad-Elite-Carer-Birth/dp/1849532613?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I should add a disclaimer that I haven't actually read it myself, but another friend (who's currently pregnant) took up the recommendation and has been reading through it with her husband and they've found it really helpful. I think she was in that same space of 'what do I actually DO with a baby!?' and now feels rather more prepared.

Oh, and I agree that the thing with Your Baby Week By Week is, your baby may not remotely do the things in the book at the time it suggests they will. I personally didn't mind that too much - I took it more as a sort of general guide to 'stuff babies eventually do' - but the book does present it in a very authoritative way that makes it all sound quite definite that this thing will happen in this week. I've found that I'm very much on the more chill end of the spectrum in terms of my attitude to baby milestones, but f you are at all prone to becoming anxious about that sort of thing (which lots of people are; you'll quite regularly see threads on here where someone is genuinely really concerned and upset over something their baby hasn't yet mastered) then you may want to factor that in, in terms of whether it's the book for you.

as pp have said, I found what you el expect the first year helpful. same for wonder weeks (there's also an app).

the baby center app was always eerily on point for everything that happened the first year so I'd recommend that too.

also if you are in the uk, may be worth joining fb babies babies babies. just reading the posts gives a sense and feel for what it might be like

All the best

not even sure what auto correct was doing... meant to read what to expect...

Weve got a baby manual which is just like a car manual supposedly aimed at dads but that talks through every area - if you are in Essex / Hertfordshire area you are welcome to mine as I've been trying to give them away

@CCSS15 I’m not in the area but thank you so much for the offer! Maybe there is a Facebook page you could give them away on? We’ve managed to get loads of baby things for free on our local one haha.

Ordered a few of the books recommended, and managed to make a decent list today of areas I need to research. You lot have helped me get my head in the game. Thank you for everyone and a for me!

That's the spirit @LBunz you can do this! A baby is a massive shock to everyone the first time, and they all vary loads so there's a great big range of normal - you'll be fine. Come back and post on Mumsnet whenever you need to, there'll always be someone around to help or listen. Good luck!

I had a baby in December and did the free online Baby Academy class. mybabyacademy.co.uk/free-online-workshop-submit-your-details/
They go through a bit of everything and I found it quite useful.

OP I had no idea at all when I was pregnant with DC1. First of my friends to have a baby, totally unprepared in every way possible, and a bit of anxious type.

Go to NCT or hospital classes: they give you a lot of practical info including nappies.

In the hospital ask the midwife to help you with your first nappy change. I did, they helped.

Feeding- every time they cry and make a little rooting face. Will even out to once every 2-3 hours after a couple of months.

Sleep- way more than I realised. If a newborn isnt feeding then its snoozing most of the time. Awake time is tiny for newborns and gradually increases but not by much. Day and night looks much the same for a few weeks.

After a few weeks I found an eat-be awake for a bit-sleep routine helpful. No set times but always do it in this order, you'll go through many cycles a day. When they get a bit older you can play a bit during the awake times, just shake a few rattles or show them round the house.

Clothes - have layers and stick to easy stuff like babygros. DD lived in a babygro and cardigan for ages, and usually a vest too as she was a winter born.

Get an angel care baby seat and use your main bath to wash your baby. You can do this every day if you want, once the umbilical stump has fallen off.

I was the most clueless first time mum ever and DD is still in one piece 8.5 years later.

Not sure if it’s already been suggested but Your baby week by week by Caroline Feltman was really helpful for me.

It goes over sleep, feeding, development etc week by week. Very helpful in the early days when you have no idea what the hell is happening or what is normal.

I felt the exact same. No idea how to
Look after and baby. No experience with other babies and I didn’t have family to help. This book was a nice easy read when you’ve only got a spare 5 mins xx

Don't worry.

When they are first born, you really only need to worry about three things: Do they need feeding, have they pooed, and are they warm/cold enough. And all of this will be explained/shown to you in hospital.

I did find it very useful to do a breastfeeding course/read up about breastfeeding before birth. If that's something you want to do, I would recommend it. But with breastfeeding it's very easy, if in doubt you just offer them the boob again. As they get bigger you'll find that they start to go a bit longer between feeds, but it's great because it magically sends them to sleep and everything.

Changing a nappy is very straightforward and IME you only need to be shown how to do it once and then you'll remember. And midwives are very happy to help/show you this in hospital if you need them to.

To check if they are too warm/cold you feel the back of their neck or their chest. They should feel warm or hot, but not sweaty or cool. If they feel sweaty, then you need to take a blanket/layer of clothing off them. If they feel cool, then you should put another layer on. Start off with size newborn clothes and move to 0-3 months when they get a bit tight or short. If you don't have enough clothes because you end up with a really sicky baby, you can easily order more online or get someone to pick some up from Boots or a supermarket.

And everything else comes one thing at a time!

Other things it is useful to know are safe sleep guidance, how to use your car seat/pushchair/sling (the manuals should explain everything, but if not try online videos) and how to spot signs of illness/baby first aid (this is also worth doing a course in).

Also: You will make mistakes, everyone does, it's OK.

You can safely ignore the vast majority of unhelful, contradictory and often judgemental baby advice. It is perfectly acceptable to wing it and make adjustments if/when something isn't working for you.

When it cries boob or bottle in noisey end , 20 mins later or do check nappy change if smelly change nappy
That first couple of months taken care of

Sleep on back not too hot
I just google each month as it goes

I knew nothing before my first. When he was born everyone disappeared from the room post birth and it was a good half hour before we even considered that we should put a nappy on him and dress him.

All the answers are online and along with real life experiences that’s how I learnt everything I now know. There are temperature guides for dressing baby during day and for sleep, food guides for milk intake & weaning. There’s also parent line which is a text service you can text for any help or advice.

Have a look at The Baby Academy UK on Facebook (sorry if mentioned already). I think they regularly run free sessions. I joined one in January and it was helpful. It's not as interactive as NCT but you do get the opportunity to ask questions. You're not on camera or anything so you're free to ask anything even if it feels like a silly question. And I would definitely recommend NCT so hopefully you manage to get booked in locally.

I am 5 months pregnant with my first child, I also have ADHD and am feeling exactly like this ! I have been trying to explain this but also keep getting the " your instincts will kick in" but that doesn't help ! I need to know now otherwise I am just going to keep feeling completely unprepared ! I have tried to look online and at what antenatal classes are near me but they're more about the actual labour than what I am supposed to do when baby actually arrives!
Now you have had your baby, do you have any advice or tips for me please ? I'd be truly grateful x

You've got this OP! One thing that may help, you can find a list online of "what to buy for baby/what does baby need", you'll see all kinds of stuff on there that you can bend your super power (ADHD) to, the list will be generic but you can research the items on it and that will give you a really good idea of what do with all the items and when. Newborns are easy, diapers have a stripe on them now that shows when it's been used so you'll know when to change it. You can get an app that logs feedings and diapers. You can get an app that tracks development and suggests age appropriate ways to interact with the baby. When the baby cries offer it a boob or a bottle then shush it to sleep. And really, it doesn't matter how much you prepare, every first time parent feels lost at different moments and ends up in that frantic research place. My best piece of advice is to have a diaper caddy and a place to safely set the baby in each of the places you hang out in your home.

To get you started, search for that list I mentioned and watch some newborn childcare videos on YouTube, you're going to do great.

Whoops zombie thread 😂 hope OP comes back to say how it went!

I was similarly clueless with my first. I found my NCT classes very helpful - we put a nappy on a doll and practisedholding it in the position you feed in, talked through things you can do to settle baby etc. They showed us how to hold baby in bath and how to do flannel wash before umbilical has dried.

I also had What to Expect the first year. I don't agree with absolutely everything in there, butit's a pretty good roadmap of what to expect month by month. Covers all the basics and emergencies.

Newborn are actually very easy. Feed, change nappy, hold the head supported. Repeat for about 6 weeks. The complicate bits come later - find a local baby/toddler group and there will be mums going through stuff just ahead of you do you can pick up tips.