I think social services have given me PTSD

[Gemini89]

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone has been through the same.

Last year I collected my child (5 month old baby) from childminders and baby had a swelling on side of head, childminder could not explain how this happened. I presented at A&E thinking it was going to be a cyst, turned out it was a hairline skull fracture.
I was immediately treated as a suspect, was not allowed to leave the hospital and social services/police called.
Baby was kept in hospital for 7 days, I was allowed to stay as well but kept in a room with windows so I could be watched. I was only allowed home after my mother agreed to come and live with me so children were not taken into foster care. Childminder was suspended pending investigation into how it happened.
I was interviewed by the police as well, along with my 8 year old son who was also at childminders that day.
My son told me that the childminder was dealing with children alone, 2 babies under 1, 2 toddlers under 3 and 3 school aged children who were being watched by a teenager, he also told the police the same and explained that childminder was on phone a lot chatting to friends. He also told the police that the toddler children were trying to pick up my child. Due to my son having SEN (Dyspraxia) the police were unable to use his statement.
The childminder denied all of this and said her daughter was helping her as a childminders assistant. As the police could not disprove nor prove this, the investigation was closed and it was determined that the skull fracture was due to neglect not abuse.
As I had withdrawn my children from her care with immediate effect, there was no longer a safeguarding risk in regard to childminder. However I still had to attend a Child Protection conference with police, social services, doctors, health visitor, school and council. At the CP meeting all professionals refused to rate me on the 'danger scale' as all believed that the fracture was a result of childminders care and the case was closed completely.
A couple of months later I received a call from social services who informed me that my case was randomly picked for audit and the auditors were not satisfied with the case being closed. I was asked to then 'voluntarily' go on a child in need plan so they could monitor me. I agreed (you don't have a choice) and the case was finally closed a year after the injury with social services concluding there was no need or risk to my children.

The whole experience has been horrific, especially as the injury did not happen in my care. I am so angry that childminder has effectively gotten away with this. I have had to live with this for a year and feel like I will be affected by this for the rest of my life.

I am paranoid that social services will be called on me, I am worried about having another baby for fear of social services monitoring me, I am scared to tell my children off. I second guess everything I say to professionals, the incident is literally on my mind everyday. Even having to tick the box "are you known to social services" is distressing as I did nothing wrong. This follows me everywhere.

Social care must have a regulatory body. Can you raise concerns with them?

Although not the same in what the case was regarding, I had SS involvement with my DS and believe I suffer from PTSD as a result. They lied and crawled through 2 years of harassment towards me and my son and put me through hell. I wrote a formal complaint and some of it was upheld and I got an apology but the social worker who subjected me to it all still works and I see her regularly through my job. They are a law unto them selves and they get away with everything.
I totally understand how you feel and only this morning ( 5 years on) was I having flashbacks to the CP meeting because of a news article I read.
Make a formal complaint, put everything in writing and hopefully you might get some feeling of closure. Big hugs xx

Ah bless you xxxxx I can totally understand where you're coming from.

However.

I used to refer to SS all the time so I've some experience. We know that children are harmed and killed by parents and care givers. Your child had a very serious injury and 'something' needed to happen.

I'd agree that it seems like the fault of the child minder, who was let off as you say.

But with the amount of children who are harmed, and the genuine need for a more robust response I'd say you got caught up in the wash with that.

Things haven't been handled well for children and something had to change. The fact that there's been no charge brought in this case when something clearly did happen, and you've then had to go through this long blaming type process says to me that further tweaking is necessary.

But to carry on being the best parent to your child, and I say that knowing you took home for medical care and complied with the process thereafter, you'll now need to put this firmly behind you. Analyse where you're too soft or too traumatized or scared, and change the narrative. You have been caught up in a situation caused by an act between unsupervised children in a childcare facility, that's all. There was a serious injury but you responded to it. Now you must put it behind you xxx

I can totally understand that, but can tell you it gets easier as time passes.

We had SS involvement when DD was a baby, they accused us of starving her. She had severe reflux and lactose intolerance, so vomited any milk you tried to feed her - and because she was premature they didn't want us putting her on lactose free milk. We'd been back and forth to the hospital being for help, even taking her to A&E a couple of times, before SS got involved. Eventually we got to see a dietician who got her changed to special high calorie, milk free drinks and advised us to wean early (SS did not help with this). She gained weight, but apparently too slowly, even though the dietician and paediatric consultant were happy with her progress. So SS put us on a section 47, and made us see an independent consultant. Who confirmed she was growing and gaining weight at a good rate, in fact better than myself and DH had at the same age (thank god our parents kept our old baby records). They even asked for 3rd opinion because they didn't accept that.

When they eventually left us alone they had the cheek to take full credit for her improving health.

She's 7 now, and doing brilliantly, but it took me a long time to shake off the idea they'd just randomly reappear and cause more trouble for us. It's traumatic knowing that you are doing all you can to keep your child safe, and then not being believed.

I really hope that, like us, you are left alone now. And one day this will be a story you can tell, rather than a dark tension in the pit of your belly.

Easier said than done if she does indeed have ptsd @something2say

I'm sorry @Gemini89 that sounds really tough. Is counselling/therapy an option?
I'm horrified that the CM wasn't investigated!

You were put under the microscope and gone through with a fine tooth comb not once but twice!! And they could find nothing. So don't second guess yourself, unlike the rest of us - you are officially a good parent! Hold your head high and look anyone in the eye and know that your judgement is good.
I daresay that's easier said than done but that's how it seems to me. You are fully exonerated. That childminder should be thoroughly ashamed.

How horrific OP! I too have had SS involvement due to my Dcs father and despite never being the reason for concern myself I was a paranoid wreck. Case has been closed for 4 years as dad not involved now but that fear never leaves me that they could plummet back into our lives and turn it upside down again.

SS involvement is totally traumatic for families - even when everything works as it should and children are safe/cases are closed, it is still a massive trauma.

I totally understand.
I disagree with Bad Hair : "gets easier as time passes. ". No. It doesn't.

I had a 3 month case with SS. They had ' leading questions' and bullied my youngest into making a false claim. They lied, falsified documents and didn't include all the balanced detail like good reports from my GP, in the case file.

My mum and dad are retired very senior social workers and told the chair that it was one of the worst cases they'd seen and he agreed, encouraging them/us to make a complaint. Which was pointless.

Everyone underestimated the damage that's done and is dismissive.

it never goes away. it's on their records permanently and for years after every time I took my children to the hospital, I was questioned because it comes up.

so people say that you can get over it? is just utter nonsense. no one understands unless you've been through similar yourself.

Hi all,

Thank you for your responses. Its reassuring to hear that I am not alone in feeling like this. I understand that SS have a duty to whittle out the abuse but I had wished that common sense was also used. I had the Victoria Climbié and baby P stories used as justification from SS into why they were investigating me. It doesn't make it better, especially when you know you didn't do anything wrong.
If I had lied and said I fell over a toy when holding the baby the case would of been closed, it was because I didn't lie and couldn't tell them how it happened, that I was then treated as the abuser. The doctor who saw us at A&E also wrote quite spiteful things such as "mum's face was a picture of dishonesty". Even social services said this was wrong. Its as if there is a narrative that they want you to fit into.

I would love to get counselling and talk to someone about this but I am so scared SS will be called and I will be seen as unstable.

I have a kidney infection at the moment and had to call 111 to get antibiotics, I ended up crying and they asked if I could come to clinic to test urine, I said I had children so couldn't (was 4am). I then spent 2 days worrying I would be reported as I cried and they will think I'm unstable.

Even yesterday, at my sons school, I was talking to the SENCo and my son was swinging his bag around which almost hit her. I told him that he was "acting like a Wally".
I have been panicking ever since that I will now be investigated and that the SENCo has made a report.

This is no way to carry on, PP was right, it never goes away. You will always be question about it.

I then spent 2 days worrying I would be reported as I cried and they will think I'm unstable.

@Gemini89

Bless you, can you phone your gp (I know you’re scared incase they think your not coping) but tell them you think you have ptsd and see what they can offer in terms of therapy.

Don’t worry about crying to professionals, my son has autism, I’ve cried to them all, including teachers, consultants etc.

You are human!

Even if they know you aren’t coping they won’t take away your children.

Sorry you went through this x

I totally understand why this was traumatic.

It seems SS do an awful lot of harm in their efforts to do good.

Perhaps some specialist counselling would at least help, with the PTSD?

Don't have to go via your GP - you can go private for PTSD counselling (will be faster anyway).

Oblomov I'm not sure I was very clear on my last post, I have been through it myself, and you are right it never entirely leaves you. But the more time that passes since when you last have to deal with SS, the easier it is to function without double guessing yourself or looking over your shoulder, that hideous panic does fade.

Like grief I don't think it goes entirely, but it becomes smaller and more manageable. I found the kids being at school helped my mental health too, because I had more witnesses to the fact they weren't being neglected/abused, whereas when DD was under SS I only had family and SS ignored their testimonials.

@Gemini89 teachers call the children wallies so don’t worry about the senco making a report, my son is called one most days by his 1-1 at school

You know it’s not normal to be thinking this way, please try get some professional help.

I completely understand and haven't been through anything like as traumatic as you. I have two d with autism. My eldest banged a toy against his bedroom window and cracked the glass. My neighbour was in her garden and came round and to me. She then told another neighbour who decided to report us to social services. He also made an allegation that he thought he could hear my ds in the shed. What he heard was my son going between the shed and the wall and banging his toys on the wall. I was devastated. Nothing came of it. I had a phone call and they checked on the kids via my gp and it was closed as just being my sons additional needs BUT I was utterly heartbroken as I was literally breaking myself looking after my two kids and it has been hard work. I was and am a good mum and thinking that people thought I might not be was very hard. It affected me for years. I was scared everything there was a problem or my kids had a bruise. It has got easier as the children have grown up but I can really understand how you feel.

What a horrific experience OP, glad your baby is ok.

@Gemini89

Even yesterday, at my sons school, I was talking to the SENCo and my son was swinging his bag around which almost hit her. I told him that he was "acting like a Wally". I have been panicking ever since that I will now be investigated and that the SENCo has made a report.

This is no way to carry on, PP was right, it never goes away. You will always be question about it.

That sounds like classic anxiety paranoia. I work at a school and some teachers say things like that themselves, Wally is an affectionate term. I feel for you so much.

There is fear. And that fear is real. They can and do take your kids away. Fact.

All the nice SW'ers say ..... no, no it's not true, they need to go to court ..... la-la-la.

They haven't got a clue. They don't need to go to court. They can make a suggestion/tell you they 'suggest' your children should go and stay with my sil, whilst they investigate.

"If I had my way you'd be locked up for 15 years. "

"You should never have been allowed to have kids".

"People like you.... who hit kids"

Turned out Ds2 had never been hit.
He burst into tears and told my sil:

"The First Lady (from SS) made me do it. She kept telling me she was sure I'd been hit".

FFS.

The doctor who saw us at A&E also wrote quite spiteful things such as "mum's face was a picture of dishonesty"

That’s unprofessional and I really would report that to the hospital/gmc.

It is not an a&e dr’s place to decide whether you “look dishonest” and base treatment on that.

They’ll end up killing some innocent person because they look like a drug dealer or whatever and don’t get the correct treatment.

The doctor who saw us at A&E also wrote quite spiteful things such as "mum's face was a picture of dishonesty". Even social services said this was wrong. Its as if there is a narrative that they want you to fit into.

This is horrific. I’m so sorry you had to go trough this. In your shoes, I would have made an official complaint to PALS. Absolutely unacceptable for a HCP to write such things.

What a truly awful situation it's no wonder you are constantly second guessing yourself. Regarding the childminder is she still working ? Reading your post she was in breech of ratio rules I'm sure you would know if her teenager was registered as an assistant.
The childminder would've been investigated through safeguarding and ofsted and once aware of any injuries to your child she should've made a self referral to ofsted notifying them of your child's injury.

I don't understand why your son's statement couldn't be used. Does that mean people with special needs can never report a crime against them??

I'm so sorry for everything you went through.

I’m so sorry you feel like this but I completely understand. I was also investigated by social services due to malicious claims made by my ex. All totally untrue, but proving this was a long drawn out process and it was terrifying.
My ex finally admitted he had made it up because he was angry with me. He had walked out, found a new partner, never paid a penny towards our son, but he was angry with me for not begging him to come back! So he tried to ruin me.
I agree with a previous poster, it never leaves you. I understand why they have to investigate, but they lie, they get things wrong and they ruin lives. It was all lies, but I lost my son for weeks while I proved it. I had the backing of everyone too, doctor, health visitor, school etc. I was a teacher, I had to stop work while it was going on but luckily my head was amazing and was a huge support. I went back the day the case was dropped.
I still worry to this day when the post arrives, the letters and paperwork used to upset me so much I still have the fear of official documents in the post. Its been nearly 15 years and my son is 23 now, I still think about it most days.
You will learn to live with it but it wont ever leave you. Im sending you hugs, keep going, you have been through so much.