I think social services have given me PTSD

[Gemini89]

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone has been through the same.

Last year I collected my child (5 month old baby) from childminders and baby had a swelling on side of head, childminder could not explain how this happened. I presented at A&E thinking it was going to be a cyst, turned out it was a hairline skull fracture.
I was immediately treated as a suspect, was not allowed to leave the hospital and social services/police called.
Baby was kept in hospital for 7 days, I was allowed to stay as well but kept in a room with windows so I could be watched. I was only allowed home after my mother agreed to come and live with me so children were not taken into foster care. Childminder was suspended pending investigation into how it happened.
I was interviewed by the police as well, along with my 8 year old son who was also at childminders that day.
My son told me that the childminder was dealing with children alone, 2 babies under 1, 2 toddlers under 3 and 3 school aged children who were being watched by a teenager, he also told the police the same and explained that childminder was on phone a lot chatting to friends. He also told the police that the toddler children were trying to pick up my child. Due to my son having SEN (Dyspraxia) the police were unable to use his statement.
The childminder denied all of this and said her daughter was helping her as a childminders assistant. As the police could not disprove nor prove this, the investigation was closed and it was determined that the skull fracture was due to neglect not abuse.
As I had withdrawn my children from her care with immediate effect, there was no longer a safeguarding risk in regard to childminder. However I still had to attend a Child Protection conference with police, social services, doctors, health visitor, school and council. At the CP meeting all professionals refused to rate me on the 'danger scale' as all believed that the fracture was a result of childminders care and the case was closed completely.
A couple of months later I received a call from social services who informed me that my case was randomly picked for audit and the auditors were not satisfied with the case being closed. I was asked to then 'voluntarily' go on a child in need plan so they could monitor me. I agreed (you don't have a choice) and the case was finally closed a year after the injury with social services concluding there was no need or risk to my children.

The whole experience has been horrific, especially as the injury did not happen in my care. I am so angry that childminder has effectively gotten away with this. I have had to live with this for a year and feel like I will be affected by this for the rest of my life.

I am paranoid that social services will be called on me, I am worried about having another baby for fear of social services monitoring me, I am scared to tell my children off. I second guess everything I say to professionals, the incident is literally on my mind everyday. Even having to tick the box "are you known to social services" is distressing as I did nothing wrong. This follows me everywhere.

This is horrific. A friend of mine was driven to a psychotic breakdown by children's social services, and she had contacted them for support, there was no neglect or abuse suspected or reported.

I hope that you can find a way through this.

That's awful op. What a traumatic experience for you. Dd got a head injury at nursery resulting in her t shirt being covered in blood and needing her head glued. They called an ambulance. It was caused by a child swinging her round on a tarmac playground when she was 2 poor thing. In my case there was no dispute about how it happened but a health visitor still phoned to ask how it happened as it was reported to them. When I said it happened at nursery they dropped it. I really feel for you.

Yes I do understand. I actually found them to be quite helpful but it was still stressful and no, nobody ever lets you forget that they have been involved with your family. You are always eyed with extreme suspicion. It's a curse that you live with.

Hi all,

The childminder was suspended and investigated by Ofsted. During this time we all received letters to say that we were unable to take our children there. Her suspension only lasted 4 weeks. She was found to have a lodger there that no one knew about, and her ex husband was still listed as living there meaning she could have more children in her care.
As a PP has stated, she was over ratio. It makes me so angry that my child was hurt because of this woman's greed. During the police interviews her daughter had tried to imply I was hiding something and was trying to sway the investigation into me being the responsible party, even though the childminder had agreed that when baby was dropped off there was no injury.
To top it off the childminder lives across the road from me, I see her all the time. I haven't spoken to her since telling her that it was a skull fracture, her response was "great, they're going to be on to me now. Thanks"
When we go to the park and she's there she leaves straight away and never looks me in my eye, she knows I know she's lied. I think this is probably her guilt.
What frustrates me is that she was the cause of this and her life was only affected for 4 weeks and she still gets to work with children. Had she admitted that she was negligent then she would of had to retrain and I could of sued her, maybe thats why she decided to lie, who knows. I had nothing to gain from lying.

To answer a PP question, my sons statement couldn't be used as he was undiagnosed at the time, they didn't know if they could rely on his statement as being true.

During the interview he was extremely anxious and climbing on the furniture etc. I think SS assumed he had a learning delay, this was not the case at all but they wouldn't revisit the investigation as it was closed to police.

Don’t blame you for feeling angry towards her, your child could have died due to her lack of care and it was just the beginning of a nightmare for you.

I'm sorry you had a tough time - it sounds horrible and I agree with PP,maybe some counselling would help as it sounds like you're very anxious about the whole thing.

It does seem a little odd that you're so focused on how hurt you were by the childminder lying and not the fact that she caused your child to have a skull fracture! It sounds like you're so worried about this still that you can't see the wood for the trees.

The positives are that your child was removed from her care before any further or long lasting injury was done. Social Services intervened as they should with a skull fracture and while it's clear there was some unprofessional behaviour along the way, it's over now.

Personally, if it's a choice between social services being over the top and potentially catching some innocent people in their interventions or social services being lax and missing some dangerous people, I'd always go with the former.

Hope you manage to get the help you need. Good luck!

Just want to offer my sympathies. That’s an awful thing to go through and would traumatise anyone. Are you getting help for the psychological after effects?

@TreeDice

I'm sorry you had a tough time - it sounds horrible and I agree with PP,maybe some counselling would help as it sounds like you're very anxious about the whole thing.

It does seem a little odd that you're so focused on how hurt you were by the childminder lying and not the fact that she caused your child to have a skull fracture! It sounds like you're so worried about this still that you can't see the wood for the trees.

The positives are that your child was removed from her care before any further or long lasting injury was done. Social Services intervened as they should with a skull fracture and while it's clear there was some unprofessional behaviour along the way, it's over now.

Personally, if it's a choice between social services being over the top and potentially catching some innocent people in their interventions or social services being lax and missing some dangerous people, I'd always go with the former.

Hope you manage to get the help you need. Good luck!

You clearly have never had social services intervention. If it wasn't for the childminders negligence and lies I would not be where I am today. My child would never of been hurt. My post is about having PTSD from SS involvement for something I was not guilty of.

What would you like me to focus on? The fact the my 5 month old baby must of been hurt and in pain whilst I was not there and unable to protect her or comfort her? Should I dwell on something that was completely out of my control and wind myself up about that as well? Would it be more appropriate to feel like absolute rubbish, and talk about the in's and out's of a 5 month old baby having an injury as serious as a skull fracture.

That's awful.
The CM sounds dreadful.
I would definitely recommend you go to PALS re the Drs comment about you.
Their notes must be factual not an opinion.

I'm so sorry for your experience. I feel angry on your behalf. No good advice, I'm afraid, except to say I would find that very hard to move past and your experience sounds horrendous. x

You sound like a fantastic mother and I am very sorry you have had these experiences. The whole situation sounds horrific and I have no doubt you are suffering from PTSD as a result of all of that. From a very different experience, I had a version of PTSD and the one thing I would advise you is not to start a “battle” with SS trying to get them to right their wrong. They probably will defend their actions and it is possible if they don’t address the situation in a way that gives you closure, it can make you feel even more anxious and insecure about the people who have have had this affect on you.

Notwithstanding that I do think writing a very much factual letter to some higher up in SS outlining your experiences, not as a form of a complaint, but rather to get it off your chest and to psychologically dump it back on them might be worth considering even if you don’t send it or if you do send it get someone else to deal with any replies that are likely to be unsatisfactory to you.

Therapy is also worth considering if you can afford it. It does get better given time.

I’m really sorry that this was your experience. I work in this area and I’m always trying to keep in mind what it is like for families to have social services involvement whether it’s for valid concerns or not but sadly I think we often get desensitised to it in the same way that other professionals do in different settings.

I’m not going to complain to SS regarding this, I was told I was the most co-operative parent the SW had ever worked with. I had nothing to hide.
My post is about PTSD from being put in a position of blame for something that I did not do.
I am not with SS anymore nor am I subject to any intervention from agencies.
I am just finding it hard to let go of the experience of it all.
It’s like someone going to prison for something they never did. There’s an injustice in that. But because SS do it to protect children (rightly so) it doesn’t mean there isn’t an injustice when being treated guilty until proven innocent.

I am just finding it hard to let go of the experience of it all.
It’s like someone going to prison for something they never did. There’s an injustice in that. But because SS do it to protect children (rightly so) it doesn’t mean there isn’t an injustice when being treated guilty until proven innocent.

Absolutely understandable. You sound like you have a very rational and measured response to the injustice you have faced.

I created an email address that I used to write into when I need to scream at the universe for the injustice I faced. It really helped to just for want of a better word vomit the words out and then send them in their way out to the universe or God or something out there.

I also found Meditation and yoga helped to take the anxiety. And most of all time. I wish you all the best with your recovery. It has been a horrible ordeal.

Have you taken legal advice?

I only ask as a friend had a very similar thing happen, if it wasn't for how old your DC was I would think you were her.

In her case, she is a single working mum, no concerns about her, not so much as a parking fine. Great relationship with midwives and health visitors.
Her eldest was 6, (this is 5 years ago now), youngest was 8 months. She and ex split up whilst pregnant with their second but on good terms.

She used a childminder. Picked up child, youngest was very upset. She said the cry was nothing like she had heard before and she immediately knew something was wrong, but not what. Childminder denied all knowledge.
On lifting the child up, he screamed, she said it was obvious pain, and was doing so when she touched his arm

Again, childminder said no incidents.

She put both in the car, and went straight to A+E, the baby had a fractured arm.

Same happened, not allowed to walk out the hospital, police interrogation. 8 year old said the childminder had a child in their care who was horrible, and had "whacked the baby hard and pulled his arm".
Despite this, the childminder denied all knowledge, said she had an accident plan, said the baby wasn't crying in pain when he left (utter crap), and got away with it all.

She went through this for 18 months. They would turn up at her door unannounced. They raked over the breakdown of her relationship. They got so many statements listed as fact that were utter shit, in one situation they said her mum and dad had put her in foster care as she was a twat away teen- it later transpired they had mixed her up with a girl with a similar name.
She felt like you, under the microscope. They made constant threats to remove the children in fact, the more she disproved the nastier they got.
I remember her crying her eyes out when I went to see her, as I had written a statement of support as a character witness. She ended up on medical leave and they used that against her too.

Then just like that, over. A letter saying we have concluded our investigation. No apology, no "we got it wrong". In fact it was more "we can come back at any time".

6 months later, she got a knock at her door, they were doing a random check. It was pure intimidation. So she hired a solicitor. She successfully sued for harrassment, for the false statements, for the intrusion. They settled the case out of court. During that time though, the childminder was found to have been in charge of a child who later suffered another serious injury and that time she didn't get away with it.

So you can, and you should sue.

And I would speak to the doctor about counsellor.

Sorry 6 year old told her in the car, not 8!

I’m so sorry you’ve been through this OP. I was left with PTSD after the birth of DC2. I was able to have private EMDT (Eye Movement Desensitisation Therapy) - which I sought out after reading about it here on MN. It was expensive, but for me it was really miraculous. I couldn’t even talk about my birth without feeling sweaty and faint, now it’s fine - I know the way they treated me was wrong, but I don’t lie awake at night reliving it.
You can get EMDT on the NHS, I think, but like everything they’ll be a wait list. I know going private isn’t an option for everyone, but I would encourage you to look into it - it really helped me.

Sorry, small edit - it’s often called EMDR therapy too x

ABSOLUTWLY WRITE A FORMAl COMPLAINT!

I think the only way you’ll get closure is by them acknowledging that you did nothing wrong and that their treatment of you has been terrible. X

You poor thing, you've been put through hell and im so sorry

I have PTSD from SS involvement too, OP.

They took my first born at birth and I never got him back. I was a teenage victim of domestic abuse and it was deemed that I couldn't protect myself let alone a baby.

They had a point.. to an extent, but the way they treat me during the process was horrendous and not once did they try to support me getting away from him and keeping the baby. Infact they actively blocked me from relocating at 20 weeks citing it would cause disruption to the assessment. Naive little 18 year old me trusted them.

To ensure a judge approved their plans for adoption they absolutely went to town on me, highlighting the actual risks from the father wasn't enough in their eyes they wanted to slaughter my character in the process aswell to ensure I was deemed incapable, with or without him.

They made fictitious claims about me having mental ill health that they couldn't substantiate (I didn't have any MH problems whatsoever) yet their lies were taken at face value.

They failed to consider anything but adoption from the get go, that is the conclusion that various professionals have since made over the years when I've shared with them my paperwork.

I went on to have more children some years later with a different man (who are in my care with no SS involvement) but each pregnancy is filled with terror that they're going to re appear and take my babies. I'm absolutely petrified that I'm on borrowed time with them and sooner or later SS will find a reason to swoop in and drag them away from me.

With my second pregnancy I had moved far away from where I had my first but felt I had no choice but to ask to be assessed by the new local authority as I imagined they would turn up at the hospital and take him anyway because my history would be on my medical file. That was gruelling.

Voluntary SS assessment with baby #2 concluded with no concerns whatsoever, and the SW's manager raising her own concerns about how the last local authority had handled my case.

Cleared, vindicated in theory.. yet the trauma is still very much active and present. I'll never be able to relax and fully believe that my DC will be with me forever.

I still dread midwife appointments (im pregnant with #3) because they have to ask if my children all live with me and whether I've ever had SS involvement.

Much to my shame I glossed over the history this time and said no social services involvement in the past at all. I just couldn't stomach going into it all again. Nothing else was ever mentioned. Miraculously there was nothing in my notes. Logically it's ridiculous I felt the need to lie as I've long since been cleared by our local SS department but I still have no trust or faith in the system.

it shouldn't be that way should it? We shouldn't be scared of a service that is there to help.

I would love to hear about all of the families SS supposedly help because the only involvement I've had has been them looking for risk and acting on it. There has never been any holistic help/support/guidance.

It's either you're a good enough parent and you keep your children but are offered no help should you need any.. or you're not a good enough parent and they take them. Where is the in between? Where's the support?

I often see people harping on about how SS help people but I've never seen any examples of such help. I certainly didn't receive any.

Ahh sorry for the rant it's a very sore subject

It is absolutely traumatic.

Losing your child is one of the worst things you can imagine as a parent, knowing that social services have the power to put that process into place (even if it's rare/unlikely/not your fault) is something that you will instinctively react to like a wild animal having a near miss with your baby, from the fight/flight/freeze part of your brain. It's so important that agencies understand this, because someone acting on fear and instinct is not being their best self or likely to react in a way that is consistent or logical. Unfortunately I don't think it is well understood or the impact is not really considered.

It would possibly help to have some kind of counselling to try and process what happened?