Pick up and drop offs - divorce

[bettertimesarecomingnow]

I wanted to get a flavour of what normally happens.

ExH sees the kids maybe once or twice a month and wants me to collect them from his house on a Sunday night.

That's a 2 hour round trip for me.

I have asked him to arrange his own transport for the children as I have them the other 26 days in the month and do everything else.

This is literally all he does.

He's now threatening to take me to court to force me to pick them up.

Am I being unreasonable to saying, if you want to see them, you should pick them up?

He pays about half the CMS recommended amount of maintenance and does flip all else. While I am busy working full time, running a business part time, raising two kids!

Is the court likely to say I have to do this as well?

Would love to hear from people as to what your arrangements are please!

I have offered half way meets both ways but no, he's refusing. He would collect them from school after his work (ten mins away) but we both live 30 mins the opposite direction from school!

ExH is an idiot. If what you say is true about the maintenance and arrangements then he won't have much luck with the courts

Let him take it to court

Who moved?

And CMS. Call them tomorrow.

He moved away first.

I continued to take the kids to his or pick them up.

I am now in the process of moving further away and have suggested the half way meets to save us both a two hour trip for collections and pick ups

I called CMS today. Not sure if I want to go down that route though.

I just resent driving two hours in the very little child free time I have.

Tell him the dc aren't bloody pizzas and you aren't an Uber...
And Cms. No regrets..

Smiling at pizza and Uber!

Thank you for that!!

If he had them regularly and actually parented them you know I wouldn't mind so much.

But every month I have to ask him when he's planning to see them. He won't give me dates in advance. Very frustrating

The person who has them next should collect them?

Go to CMS

Get a court agreement re residency and visitation

Thanks catcup it's good to hear what others do!

Op stop asking him. Is he a great loss?
Trying to force a relationship is just setting dc up for disappointment when they are old enough to realise he doesn't really care..

Dancemom what does that involve? The court order about residence and visitation?

He works shifts which change every 5 weeks so although he knows them a year in advance, he won't tell me.

Easterbunny really no great loss but they adore him.

He was a rubbish parent while we were together but thinks he is wonderful!!

The dc didn't even ask for him when he left which shows you how much time they spent with him. Weren't upset when we split either. I've been very lucky In regard to that - they are so happy with me.

Ex DP has always paid full maintenance and since he moved 45 minutes away from the family home has always done pick up or drop off unless or was an emergency or it suited me to do it. He has moved house and is now 15 min away so I expect to do more. However, we have a routine that works for us (mostly!) and he sometimes takes the piss but is (usually) reliable.

Thanks/ that's how I thought most people did it.

Worried I'll end up spending lots on solicitors to be told I have to do it anyway!

I don't mind if I'm going that way, or fancy a trip to the city etc. But to be told you are doing it or else: is really crap.

That's why I thought the half way meet was nice and fair so nobody has to spend ages in the car!

He is messing everyone around. It's for him to pick the kids u if he wants to see them- don't be chasing him to make arrangements.

Do a proper CMS claim - that money your kids are entitled to. Even if you 'don't need it' you could save it up for them to have later.

Don't be running the kids to his and back either. Not your job.

Thanks Gordon.

He's claiming the court won't allow me to increase maintenance - that my financial position is better than his. Which is weird as he earns at least 12k more than me and has only himself to look after!!

I don't know how CMS works, is it just based on his income and how often he has them? The first option: less than one night a week was the one I selected when I did the calculation.

Is anything else taking into consideration?

If not be driving the dc to his or doing pick up. It is not to ur responsibility to ensure the dc have a relationship with their df. I honestly don’t understand why mothers run themselves into the ground to facilitate wankers like this.
Have a think op the last time he went out of his way to help you parent your dc? As well as not paying the correct amount for CMS your also out on petrol money.

Thanks giggly. He has always been very controlling and this is his way of trying to do it now we are apart.

But when someone tells you that you're being unreasonable over and over, you start to believe it.

It's really nice to hear that others wouldn't be doing the running. Makes me feel a little more confident about saying no.

Other children he supports are taken into consideration in CMS calcs.

CMS is simply his income, how often he has them and if he has any other dependents. Exactly as the online calculator.

And of course no court will tell you you have to drop them off and pick them up!

Ah thanks. No other kids I'm pretty sure!

That's reassuring about the court. You can't help worry when you are threatened. Thank you

It doesn't matter how much you earn its a percentage of his wage only and yes, he needs to step up. My ex picks ups and drops off, he was the one that moved away. He also only has them every other weekend, his choice.

If that’s the only time he sees them then the driving is the least he can do.

My exP does all the pick ups and drop offs, it’s a 45 min journey each way and he has them 1 night per week.

He has asked me to share the driving several times. I always say yes of course- because I’d genuinely be happy to share. I ask him which school pick ups and trips to activities etc in the week does he want to do? Then he says forget it I can’t do anything in the week (because of work). I also work and run my own fledgling business but had had to reduce my hours to fit around after school and breakfast clubs)

So I figure he can do the driving for his time with the kids. He only wants to share things that affect him.

Every other weekend - wow that would be amazing. To have some sort of routine and be able to plan things.

Not that we can really do much atm right enough!

One more question...

Are your in laws still involved with the dc? Contact them? See them? Have them for visit etc?

Mine have vanished and unless exH takes them for a visit they never see or speak to them while they are with me which is the majority of the time. I find that a real shame as they were so close.