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Parenting

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Original poster

Child hates school

33 replies

Happycat1212 · 22/03/2021 20:43

Does anyone else have a child that hates school? It’s really getting me down, he begs every day for me not to send him repeatedly. He begs all day every day, he hates all aspects of it so not a simple thing of finding out why he doesn’t like it he doesn’t like any of it. He cries every day about it and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Ive spoken to the school but nothing changes

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DinosaurDiana · 22/03/2021 20:45

Does he have any friends at school ?
Would he like to go to a different school ?

Ggeemerc · 22/03/2021 20:50

What age is he?

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 22/03/2021 20:55

He has no friends, he refuses to speak to anyone, I tried to address that with the school but didn’t get anywhere, he can’t change schools I have 2 older children at the school. He is 7

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cryh · 22/03/2021 20:57

Oh how upsetting you must be very worried about him.

Some children really do hate school.

Is there really no way you could try him somewhere else? It just seems so hard for him to hate something this much.

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 22/03/2021 21:02

I can’t be two places at once unfortunately, I already have trouble getting them to school as we didn’t get our closest one and it’s a bit out of the way, there would be no guarantee it would change things either. He refuses to eat in the mornings and just acts miserable all day. There’s hating school but this just seems ott.

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Bunnybigears · 22/03/2021 21:05

What have the school said? Is he upset at school?

LetterFromLorah · 22/03/2021 21:05

Is he anxious around other children in non-school contexts?

cryh · 22/03/2021 21:07

There’s hating school but this just seems ott I don't understand what you mean about this, it isn't OTT if you hate something to be really upset about it.

fabulous01 · 22/03/2021 21:10

I have one who hates walking in to school ( won't walk through the door) but she loves school and once in she is fine. Comes out happy and says she had a fab day.

But... what you have described isn't OTT. There is something wrong and you should speak to the school.

But as others have said. What is he like in other settings?

Blueberries0112 · 22/03/2021 21:11

First have his eye checks, then maybe test for ADHD . children with ADHD struggle to focus and they get into trouble with teachers and friends more frequently, and get teased a lot. It make them hate school

After all that is ruled out, check if there is any bullying or abuses. Some kids are happier when they switch school and fit in with the kids in that school

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 22/03/2021 21:15

I guess when I say ott I mean I’ve never known of a child to hate school like this, I’ve heard of children disliking school but this seems extreme, I can’t get to the bottom of it as he says it’s everything, like I said in the op he hates the teachers, he hates the children, he hates reading, hates lunchtime, even said he hates play time. The school have dismissed it all and just say he’s fine in school but I think they are more concerned about attendance tbh I have to listen to it all day every day begging me not to send him and they don’t see that as he barely speaks when he is there. I can’t really say how he is at other settings as everything has been closed for the longest time but he’s fine in the park etc

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Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/03/2021 21:15

I had this with both my boys from day one of nursery at 3. Infact the oldest is nearly 13 and still does it sometimes, well when school is actually open. It's heart breaking. I'm really hoping that my girl likes it better. They could never tell my anything specific they didn't like either, just that they wanted to be at home with me ( I work from home).

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 22/03/2021 21:19

Yes - 3 of my children have been removed from school to home educate due to not being able to attend school due to anxiety and unmet needs in school. The eldest of the 3 I removed is nearly 17.

Do not ignore the problem or force your child into school - it'll likely get worse without help and eventually they become too big to force into school anyway.

"Children do well if they can" they do not deliberately hate school! Question what the school are doing, question SEN. Having no friends is a big red flag for me as is disliking everything. He sounds overwhelmed by it. First thing what comes to mind is ASD (autism).

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 22/03/2021 21:20

Iminaglasscaseofemotion

That’s exactly it, he never says what it is, it’s always multiple things. As soon as I pick him up I will get don’t send me again because of xyz, he’s hated it ever since he started in reception it’s never changed. He doesn’t like that I’m at home because I’m a SAHM and says why do you get to stay at home.

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onlyreadingneverposting8 · 22/03/2021 21:21

And just so you know you're not alone - thousands of children are like yours! Please look at "Not Fine in school" on face book. And Define fine also on Facebook. You really aren't alone!

Bunnybigears · 22/03/2021 21:22

Could you write a list of the things he says he dislikes and ask the school for their observations. A friends little boy said he didn't speak to anyone, didnt play with anyone, didnt have any friends, didnt eat lunch etc. When my friend sat down with school several.different members of staff said he did have friends, played with a little group every day, answered questions in class, ate lunch and was generally absolutely fine.

BrookePalomoV · 22/03/2021 21:25

I would ask to have a meeting with his teacher and home school liaison person - might be called Sen teacher but there will be someone who can at least talk to you about your child’s anxiety.

It might be a simple issue that can be resolved but if it’s not then you need help with this. Don’t be brushed off because he’s fine in the classroom. The point is it’s not fine. I feel for you I really do.

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 22/03/2021 21:34

I can’t home school him or keep him home I’m not just in a position to home school. I don’t believe he has any friends, from observation even before now he’s never been invited to any parties or play dates. I believe him when he says he has no friends. He doesn’t get spoken to by any children, when I pick my others up their friends will call over to them and say bye etc, that doesn’t happen with my him. I do have an older child with autism but I’ve spoken to the senco and she doesn’t believe he has any sen which and I agree with her on that, I just don’t know what to do I feel like I’ve spoken to the school over and over I even mentioned to the senco that I believe he may be selective mute as he says he doesn’t speak at all in school, told me the teachers ask him why he doesn’t speak, even told me a new child started and asked why he doesn’t speak, he will also talk normal down to school but as soon as we get on the road to his school he stops speaking, but she just said he does speak in school 🤷‍♀️ Feel like I’m banging my head against a wall.

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DinosaurDiana · 22/03/2021 21:35

What do your other children say about him at school ?
Do they see him playing with anyone, does he play with them ?
Have you contacted your school nurse for advice ?

Retrievemysanity · 22/03/2021 21:35

Is this a recent thing or has he been like it since he started? I know now they stay in their classrooms most of the time but wondered pre covid if your other children saw him in the playground/assemblies/lunch hall and said how he was? My youngest DD isn’t as extreme as yours but she always tells me she hates school and doesn’t want to go but when I mentioned this to a friend who goes in to help with the class she was genuinely shocked and said DD is always smiling and getting involved, it was completely the opposite!

DinosaurDiana · 22/03/2021 21:37

Is there any play therapy or counselling available through school ?

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 22/03/2021 21:40

The fact he doesn't want to go to school and begs not to go IS Special educational need! Anxiety IS special educational need! Also with another child in the family with SEN your son has a higher chance of having SEN. I have 4 children with ASD they're all very different.

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 22/03/2021 21:42

He’s been like it since reception so not a new thing, he use to scream the place down when I dropped him in the mornings. That went on for about 6 months to the point where I was actually considering removing him but I was told that would make things worse when he starts again. The other children say they don’t see him but everyone is in class bubbles now and they’ve separated the play ground so they wouldn’t. I’ve not heard of any play therapy at the school it’s not been mentioned before.

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LockdownIsDragging · 22/03/2021 21:48

You need to get him help, don’t let the school fob you off. When you say no party invites was he at least invited to the all class parties common in reception? If not there is a huge problem. You could also talk to your gp and ask for them to refer him for assessment. School will find it harder to refuse his additional needs with medical back up. If he is deemed to have additional needs he may attract extra funding but the school have SEN funding. They are expected to spend £6000 a year supporting each child with additional needs so they will try to fob you off to save money in my experience.

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 22/03/2021 21:52

No he’s never been invited to a single party or play date ever. So I do believe he hasn’t made any friends, he tells me he doesn’t speak to any of them and doesn’t like any of them. I suggested maybe moving classes but he said he wouldn’t want to be friends with any of them either. The senco asked me to get him to name a child who he could buddy up with and see if he had anyone in mind but he refused to name any names. I don’t even know what I would say to the drs I don’t personally believe he is autistic.

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