What did your parents get right?

[BroccoliSpears]

I've been guilty of dwelling a bit recently on the things I wish my parents had done differently. Silly. So, insead I shall think about the things they got right.

The main thing they got right was to instill in me a sense of confidence when meeting and chatting to people. I can cheerfully introduce myself to a room full of strangers, happily make small talk and am never phased by new social situations. As children, we were always taken along to social things, and were expected to speak up and answer nicely when spoken to. A good thing, I think, and something I hope to pass on to dd.

How about you? I'd love to hear other people's positive stories about what they are grateful to their parents for getting right.

They made sure I always knew they loved me and I was the most important thing in their lives - they still do, only now I'm sharing the spot with their DGS and DSIL!
So sad that people are saying nothing at all

Encouraged a love of travel, reading and politics. You have no idea how hard that was to come up with, they've messed me up so much.

Thanks for this thread..

No time when I had to be back in after a party, I'd ring the bell and she'd chuck the keys down from the 2nd floor then keep me awake with a coffee wanting to hear all about it!

They were calm when I got D,E,E for my alevels and let me choose my own places of education for retakes.

My father took me scottish dancing, my mother took me out to cafes often and plied me with cake.

My father was really good about helping me learn to drive, never a cross word.

My mother never complains if I'm a bit late for a meet up, she'll tell me how much fun she had reading her newspaper or chatting to a lady sitting near her.

I learnt the value of money from my parents (as we never had any and Dad would not allow us to have anything on credit. Can't say I have totally lived up to those standards but I have never had any credit or store cards.. must try not to think about that catalogue accounts and my overdraft! )

My mum taught me the importance of investing time and effort in your children.. how it reeps rewards and makes them feel loved. The issues I've had with my mum I have never doubting how much she loves me. And I still get the urge to rush to her with little achievements to make her proud.. (I am 35!)

My mum also taught me by example about putting your children's needs before your own the majority of the time.

Tough question this one - althouh I was thinking about it when away from the laptop.

Did teach me good manners. Table manners as well as please and thank yous etc.

Work ethic and a no-mercy approach to illness (if you're too ill to go to school then you are too ill to play/watch telly/read/move... so you might as well go to school).

To stand on my own two feet. (Double edged though that one: have to stand alone because no other bugger will help )

We were always clean, clothed and fed (mind you I had forgotten findus crispy pancakes!).

We always had toys at Xmas even though we were permanently skint.

I did have a lot of freedom to play out by myself - but then that was just the norm - we were kicked ut and told to come home when I got dark.

A brilliant sense of humour.

My parents are always laughing about the absurdities of life.

I'm like this too and Ds is too . . .always gets told off for giggling at school. I'm proud we have inherited it.

Being very accepting of all creeds and colours. Also they will talk to anyone, anywhere . . . bus stop/cafe/park bench.

My mum does think lots of tattoos and piercings are horrid but she knows that this doesn't make the person horrid.

This is a great thread. Many people talk about unconditional love and fostering independence (in different ways) and my parents certainly did this for me too. Something that is easy to take for granted.

It is easy to get hung up on breast feeding, diet, TV, routines, potty training, homework and forget the really important stuff.

The best advice I've come across is that all you need to do is provide a happy home and your kids will do the rest for themselves.

Again its so easy to think of their faults that its really great this thread has come.

hugs

kissies

cuddles

home cooked food

clean clothes

always up to date on things like dentist, opticians etc

the most fantastic christmases and birthdays - parties and even surprise ones at 21 and 30th!!

will "drop everything" if i need them and drive 1.5hr to get to me and my family - even phoning in sick to work when i was to ill to look after my own son.

always making that extra effort for things like harvest festival - no single tin for me to take in, it was a shoe box all lined and filled to the top with food

cutting my grass

doing my ironing and other housework

i love my mum and dad (even though they can be very annoying at times!!)

broccoli - your op made me think how important it is for me to make sure dd remains really good in social situations, as it's something i was never very good at myself.

in terms of what my parents got right:

not ever having a car.
always guiding me away from materialism and telling me that people are more important than 'things'.
bringing me up with religion in a gentle way, not ramming it down my throat or telling me i had to believe anything. Being open with the fact that my mum is christian and a lapsed catholic and that my dad is an atheist.
Books and reading, books everywhere in their house and giving htem a much higher status in the house than tv, which i was discouraged from watching too much of.
Music: classical and the basics and piano lessons from my mum, Rock'n'roll from my dad, folk from both.
Always accepting me, despite all our clashes and rows.
Always encouraging me to think for myself rather than accept what other people told me. One of my mums best sayings is 'People want to see the world in black and white. The truth is, it's varying shades of grey.' although she might've nicked that from somewhere?! bless 'em :-)

The one thing they didn't do was show much physical affection or give praise where it was due. However... this has taught me that I need to do both those things for my own children.

The things they were great at were:

Allowing me independence and teaching me self reliance. I could check oil/tyre pressures and change a wheel by the time I was 18. I was taught to wire a plug at about 12, hang wallpaper by 15 and was left to my own devices to look after my horse from the age of 12.

My friends and I used to go into London for the day from about 13.

My boys are wusses in comparison.

When I think how much sleep they sacrificed for me I feel terrible._ I was an appalling insomniac child, always climbing into their bed weeping at 3am. I don't remember them ever reproaching me or being angry when they must have been worn out. Afraid I am not so tolerant with my dds, bad mummy,
They loved me and still do and whenever something goes wrong I still want my mum to come in and sort it out

In answer to the OP question I would have to say nothing at all.

Their divorce

lovely thread - thank you for putting positive thoughts into our stressed parenting lives!

Except for the last 2 posts.

They took my brother and I out to a lot of restaurants and talked to us and truly enjoyed our company. I don't think I learned as much about cooking as I might have, but I'm a good conversationalist and a whiz at dinner reservations.

My mum brought us 4 up by herself...she was always honest...never made promises she couldn't keep (including the nasty ones... ) But mostly her wonderful example of how to stay cheerful and laugh at all the rubbish life throws at you.

This is an interesting thread. I had to think quite hard, but both of them gave me a real respect for learning and literature and a sense of duty as a citizen iyswim (they were both quite political). My dad gave me a sense of enthusiasm for life and my mum drummed into me fairness and compassion for the underdog.

They valued our opinions, and gave us the confidence to voice them.

Actually NAB3littlemonkeys - my post was a positive one. Don't assume that divorce is a negative thing - my parents divorce was very positive, for them and for us!!

That is great! Sorry for the wrong assumption.

I must be very lucky.
I always knew I was loved and important. They gave their time and Sundays were always family time, trips out etc (not costing lots of money). Summer holidays, good values that get you through lifes ups and downs, taught me hard work ('no such word as can't), exciting christmases and birthdays, praise and encouragement, went to parents evenings, watched my school plays/concerts no matter how boring(!), cuddles, never never had to worry about enough food, clothes etc. A warm house and saw our grandparents, aunts, uncles etc. The worst things were pretty minor really. They are great grandparents now and really value their family. I always thought my childhood was magic! No I'm not a deluded adult who has blocked any trauma! The trials of our family have always been handled well by my parents and they've stayed strong and supportive.