What did your parents get right?

[BroccoliSpears]

I've been guilty of dwelling a bit recently on the things I wish my parents had done differently. Silly. So, insead I shall think about the things they got right.

The main thing they got right was to instill in me a sense of confidence when meeting and chatting to people. I can cheerfully introduce myself to a room full of strangers, happily make small talk and am never phased by new social situations. As children, we were always taken along to social things, and were expected to speak up and answer nicely when spoken to. A good thing, I think, and something I hope to pass on to dd.

How about you? I'd love to hear other people's positive stories about what they are grateful to their parents for getting right.

i think perhaps there is no right or wrong.

I thought of one!

They didn't use contraception!

You see now? Wasn't that a positive exercise?! [Tongue in cheek emoticon]

They let me cycle a long way on my own, gave me the freedom to explore and a means of transport.
They also involved me in umpteen things at church/ guides etc so like the OP I have no problem meeting new people. Hi I'm UniS, who are you?

my mum - pretty much everything really, she is fantastic, and now helps me with the dc's
my dad - well he tagged along for the ride!

i have so much respect for them both now - realsiisng that o have 2 kids at the teh age of 19 wasnt easy. they really doen their best and i am proud of how we got by with nought! they taught me = resourcefulness, getting by and having a sense of adventure.

making me take a typing course in highschool - I hated every minute - it wasn't an academic class - but was a v good thing to have done - I did loads of typing for cash during university, and was great when I was doing my own papers

My mum taught me to question everyone and everything. She also stepped back to allow me to find my own way from a very early age. I remember my friends being amazed that I was allowed to go to the pub or go out late just so long as I told her. Which I did. I never felt the need to lie to my mum. In fact I hardly ever lie to anyone. I hate lies.

I've also been dwelling on the failings of my parents, and particularly my mum, lately. So thanks for making me examine the other bits.

My mum is and was the most loving, gentle, kind, accepting, non-judgmental and patient person. I aspire to be the sort of mother she was and is to us.

Aside from her general wonderfulness (!):

She taught me to read at an early age and fostered my love of reading and the arts (a lifelong opassion which led me eventually to my career in journalism).

She's got an inquiring mind, and that rubbed off. We were always able to ask my mum anything and discuss anything with her. She is still a real adventurer of mind and spirit. At the age of 61 she is doing her PHD and travels alone loads, to all sorts of far flung places (most recently Peru!).

She taught me the very valuable lesson that 'good-naturedness' is a huge virtue and just getting up in the morning and being nice to people and thankful for what you have in life makes you and everyone else around you happy and life much much more pelasurable.

She taught me how to forgive easily. She never let us go to bed on an argument.

i love my mum

The fact that my parents got everything wrong has made me try to do everything right. So....I suppose thats a good thing?

They never pressured me into any career/academic decision. Luckily I didn't rock the boat because I did the GCSE/A-LEVEL/UNI thing but they never tried to influence where I went, what course I did etc etc. They also just let me get on with it when I left home. No tearful phonecalls or constant checking up. It's easy to focus on the things you feel they did wrong. Good thread

Loveangel your mum sounds great.

me!

Hmmm. Even after reading the thread hoping for inspiration, I am still stuck at 'sent me to a decent school'.

Ooh - they fed me vegetables - I suppose that's a good thing (even if they were accompanied by something high fat most of the time ).

i didn't have a happy time with my parents BUT am very grateful that:

-they tried to help me improve my appearance (acne treatment braces etc)
-my mother never made any kind of an issue with food so I never became bulimic or anorexic, it just never even ocurred to me to worry about body image
-she made a big deal about thank-you notes. . .and though I've mixed feelings about their importance, i now know how it feels (as an adult) to give younger people (eg teens) a gift and have them completely ignore it.
-my dad was a doctor and very reassurig (usually) when I was worried about my health; and anytime I'd an actual problem i'd get sent to absolutely the BEST doctor
--when my dad wasn't using money as some way of exerting control, he could be exceptionally generous with it.
-even though we grew up in an affluent place where most people only cared about money, somehow my brother and I did not grow up to be materialistic, and that must be at least partly their doing, even though they themselves are materialistic.
-they did a heck of a lot of shuttling us around to friends' houses and activities and so forth.

Ditto, CSWS, infact the ONLY thing they did was to send me to a decent school. I would have given that up though for them to have been around a bit more, take some interest in me and to tell me that they loved me. I can't remember either of them ever saying it.

Sorry - you wanted positive

Ahhh, I like this thread.

I wrote a tear-splodged letter of thanks to my parents a couple of weeks after my first baby was born - it really hit me then how fab my parents were/are. It included things like:

• telling me I could achieve anything if I put my mind to it, but not pushing me to do so
• supporting all my choices, even if they didn't fully agree with me
• letting me make mistakes so I could learn from them

• making our home a welcoming place for my friends
• enjoying time as family. We always had such a laugh together (and lots of rows too, just in case this is beginning to sound like the Waltons) and still do. As many of us as are available (2 parents, 4 children, 3 partners, 2 grandchildren and one step-grand-child) meet on Saturdays for a pub lunch and it's lovely.

- no subject was taboo, we were able to discuss anything - we were, and are, loved and liked by our parents. And the 'like' thing is really important I think.

However, we had no table manners, lived on cheese, beans and salad cream on toast, got smacked on the hand for minor misdemeanours and on the bottom for lying, fighting, stealing etc, and spent most of the weekend in pub beer gardens drinking Vimto and eating crisps. Never did me any harm (twitch, cough, twitch)

Whoops I did it again, BroccoliSpears. Killed a thread that is. Sorry!

Interesting thread. I used to be so angry about what mine did wrong, emotionally distant, nto much in the way of hugs and touch, alcoholic dad (but nto violent), lots of tension and fighting and never there when things were bad. But I am older now and more forgiving. I focus on what they were good at, sometimes I am surprised at how much they love me which seems to grow more as I have kids and they express such concern about my health and getting some time for myself. My dad runs aroudn telling the kids to leave me alone and let me rest. When they show up, without asking my dad takes the gargage out, my mom does some dishes and dad goes and gets my favorite coffee for me. They gave me the ability to stand on my own two feet, never undermined me and pushed me to get a good education and try new things. As I am a parent, I hope my kids will be just as forgiving of my flaws.

indulgemeplease-welcome to my world, I seem to be the ultimate thread killer, can't figure out why, maybe I should learn to shut up!

Awwww, now just so you two 'thread killers' don't feel bad I shall have the last word....

bottom.

kerrymum

My mum has always taught me to be very independent. She managed on her own for the most part and, while being responsible and sensible, she is in her own way a free spirit too. I have inherited her positive outlook and am often complimented for being calm and relaxed in life.
One drawback to this is that i do sometimes feel under pressure, from myself, to maintain this. I hate asking for help and struggle with the idea that others may think I am down or not in control of my life (- except on mn where I am constantly whinging and [needy] )

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