The dreaded 4-month sleep regression

[JJxo]

We have just had our 6th night of half hourly to hourly wake ups with DS. Slowly re-adjusting back to the massive lack of sleep. But today just feeling totally exhausted and drained. Anyone else at the same stage? Anyone recently came out of this phase and can give me some reassurance! Thank you

I don't have any advice but I feel your pain!!! I'm going through the exact same thing with my DS. The other night I counted 15 times I was up. I think last night I saw every hour. Does your LO fully wake up? My son cries and thrashes around but his eyes are closed. It is so strange! I try and leave him but his cries get louder. I literally felt sick when I woke this morning. I was so tired! My only saving grace is that it is DHs turn tonight and even though I will still wake up at least I can stay in the warm bed.

We are at the exact same stage. It’s like torture! We had one random good night where she slept 9-3, fed then went down til 7 and I thought things were getting better most of the time at the moment, it’s literally every hour

@DisneyGirl2387 15 times, you poor soul! Yes my DS is exactly the same never fully awake more just fussing in his sleep and if I didn't pick him up he would wake up. He is also suddenly only settling if he is offered the breast. In the past my husband was able to cuddle and rock him back to sleep but now he refuses to settle that way even when he isn't hungry and just has a few comfort sucks before falling asleep again. Hope you managed to get some sleep during your DH's shift.

@Sls668 it's so tough isn't it! I hope we all get past this phase quickly. I was saying to DH yesterday that it is very much like the newborn sleeping pattern again but harder as obviously LO is more awake now during the day and requires a lot more effort for getting to sleep for day naps!

Same story in this house 😬 Solidarity to you all. We’re four weeks in, after our 5/6 hour stretches and two subsequent wake-ups (oh, the glory days!) became 2/3 hours max then up every hour-ish. I feel like I’m going crazy.

Does it just...get better? I keep reading stuff saying baby shouldn’t be moved after they fall asleep, shouldn’t be fed to sleep, etc and in my sleep-deprived haze I really don’t know what to think any more.

Been there. DS was a nightmare. We got stuck in a sleepless rut for four months until I completely lost the plot and had to sleep train (gently, after exploring all other avenues) for my own sanity. DD on the other hand is 4.5 months and had about five nights where she woke up slightly more than usual (circa 2am and 6am) and that was it, she seems to be back to 8 hours or more in one go. We could still be in for a nightmare but she just seems to be a better sleeper all around.

The main difference this time is that I persevere with getting her to settle in the cot, rather than immediately picking her back up, if she gets upset when put down. If the crying escalates, we pick up and start again.

I feel your pain op. My DS is in week 2 of his sleep regression. The first few days were simply catastrophic with him waking up every 20-40 minutes with a longer awake time from about 1am to 3am... I was going out of my mind, hating DH, wanting to divorce him, wanting to sit in the corner crying etc. He also only naps on me during the day so no chance to catch up on sleep. I eventually started cosleeping which I really didn't want to do as I find it so uncomfortable. But it was no sleep vs bad sleep so I went for the latter. I'm more used to it now and it means DS will sleep for 1-2 hour stretches which at the moment feels like a blessing... .

I really hope the situation improves for you and the other poor souls...!

DD is now 13 months and sleeping 11 hour stretches, woohoo but I remember the sleep regression. It was hell.
Lasted till about 6.5 months. It just gradually got better abd then she was up about once ir twice ore night from 8 months and slept through from 10 months or so.
It does get better. There is no magic fix. It's just normal human development.
They just want mommy love.

@Felinewoman

DD is now 13 months and sleeping 11 hour stretches, woohoo but I remember the sleep regression. It was hell. Lasted till about 6.5 months. It just gradually got better abd then she was up about once ir twice ore night from 8 months and slept through from 10 months or so. It does get better. There is no magic fix. It's just normal human development. They just want mommy love.

@Felinewoman Did you have to sleep train or did he just improve on his own? I really don't want to sleep train! Thanks

My DD woke up every hour of the night between 3 and 5 months. She's now 5 and a half months and has slept an 8-hour stretch for 6 nights in a row. Hoping this pattern is here to stay!!

And I'd like to add that it's without sleep training at all, we let her do her thing

Thanks @LettucesAndRoses - this is genuinely encouraging. Well done for getting through. Enjoy it!

@LettucesAndRoses that's really positive. Is there anything you did differently at all once the regression hit or did you carry on completely as normal? Also our sleep regression started at 13 weeks, he's now 16 weeks so I'm glad it's not just us who missed out on the supposedly easy 3 month stage.

@LGBirmingham The only thing I attempted to change was my outlook on the situation. I told myself that she won't be little for a long time and that I should enjoy all the cuddles I can get so I don't regret anything later. It honestly helped, it put things in perspective.
One thing I really made an effort to do is always put her back in her bed, even if it was super tempting to just bring her in bed at the time. I think it was worth it as she's learning to put herself back to sleep on her own. I'd pick her up when she cried but not if she was just making noises, if you see what I mean.

I bet she'll start waking up again soon now I'm writing about her sleeping

Good luck! It's tough but just a phase, we'll get there!

@LettucesAndRoses That's good to hear. I've been bringing him into my bed after about 4am as he's nigh on impossible to put back down at that point but perhaps I should persevere? How do you get yours to sleep by the way?

@LGBirmingham She only falls asleep in the baby carrier or while breastfeeding, whether it's during the day or at night. She has all her naps in the baby carrier during the day and then I usually carry her around singing to wind her down at night before she goes in a feeding frenzy and falls asleep suckling. I wait for her to unlatch to transfer her to her bed and she eventually will stay asleep after several attempts. The whole process takes a long time.
I do the same when she wakes up at night, I let her suckle and transfer. It's hard work, not going to lie!

@LettucesAndRoses that's reassuring as I mostly feed to sleep and transfer to the cot or take him for walks on the carrier or pushchair. I occasionally sush pat when all else has failed but it doesn't always work. Do you reckon I just have to ride this out then?

@LGBirmingham I'd say it depends on your situation. I'm lucky to be self-employed with my DH also working from home so he can have her in the carrier during her naps and I can rest if I need to. If you don't have to be up for work at a specific time and you can rest during the day, I'd day it's worth a shot.

You can always give yourself a deadline too. I told myself I'd just stick to what I was doing until she was 6 months old and evaluate the situation then. Some issues resolve themselves on their own by then.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

@LettucesAndRoses well I'm on maternity leave at the moment so have a bit of time. Did you find it improved slowly over time or suddenly she could sleep again?

That’s good to know @LettucesAndRoses as I’ve read lots of stuff that says if you transfer baby asleep they’ll wake up after a single sleep cycle because something has changed. Evidently not your DD! Hope the long stretches are continuing for you.

We’re going to start trying to separate feed from sleep at bedtime for this reason, but I can’t quite see how it’ll work yet as she won’t settle to feed unless it’s sleep time...! This might be controversial but it seems from other threads a disproportionate number of EBF babies struggle with the 4 month changes. Then again there are also those threads with EBF babies sleeping through from 5 minutes old so...?! 🤷🏻‍♀️😹

@LGBirmingham It changed overnight! Just like the change from sleeping fairly well at 2 months and not sleeping at 3 months happened very suddenly.

@BerthaYoung I think it's not that she doesn't wake up after a sleep cycle but more that she's not screaming anymore and putting herself back to sleep. I hear her make some noises so I know she wakes up but she doesn't cry.

Another good night last night, I really hope it's her new pattern! Fingers crossed!

@LettucesAndRoses I really hope this is your new pattern too. I've got my fingers crossed for you

That’s really interesting, thanks @LettucesAndRoses. When I’m half asleep my instinct is to intervene as soon as there’s a peep from DD so it’s helpful to know waking up in itself isn’t an issue, and I’ll never know if she can settle herself back to sleep unless I give her space to try!

@LGBirmingham Thank you very much! I've probably jinxed it by talking about it Wishing you good luck, keeping my fingers crossed for you that it improves quickly!

@BerthaYoung I used to pick her up as soon as I heard her make a noise at first but I realised she's quite happy to lie there and talk to herself sometimes. As long as they don't cry, I think it's good to give them the time to do their own thing. Good luck!

How is the sleep regression going! We have just had the best night in a long time. Bed at 8.30pm woke at 10pm for a feed and then slept until 7.30am! I dare not utter the words that we may have finally passed the 4 month sleep regression but I really hope so! I on the other hand have been awake since 5.30am to check DS was breathing and being desperate for a wee but didn't wake to go in case I disturb him! Although DS is 6 months next week and I'm sure there is a 6 month regression too.....

@DisneyGirl2387 I’m so pleased for you! (And very jealous...!) Did you change anything? Or did it just gradually - or suddenly? - get better? I too often find myself deliberating between going for a much-needed wee and risking waking the baby...! Hope you didn’t have quite such an early start today ☺️

Last night DD was still awake after a 3am feed so I just put her in her cot and turned off the light. A couple of squeaks later she slept for three hours! This is a major win in our world 😹