Breastfeeding in public

[Noona86]

I have a nearly 5 week old and obviously have been mostly house bound apart from the occasional very short walk after having a c section. Yesterday I met another new mum friend and despite having timed leaving the house after a mega feed and assuming the baby would be ok for an hour, she went absolutely mad half way through our walk and was screaming and going bright red in a way I’ve never seen before! We were a good 15 mins from home and in the end I broke the rules and fed her in my friend’s garden on the way back as I was so anxious due to her screeching and I felt somehow scared to just sit on a bench alone in public with her. It made me think though, as a totally new mum who hasn’t had any ‘chances’ or need to breastfeed in public, do people basically just feed on demand wherever they are, be it a bench, at a table in a restaurant, in the doctors waiting room, at the bus stop?! Are there are places it’s deemed ‘inappropriate’? I’d hope the case was no, but it’s all so new to me I don’t want to face any awkward scenarios - it all seems very daunting/exposing! I just can’t imagine being somewhere with a hungry screaming baby and having to wait to get home/ find a ‘suitable’ spot once things start to open up again.

Breastfeed anywhere it would be ok to bottle feed - or, not a moving car, toilet etc. I never had any negative comments or looks either, just a few women telling me how nice it was to see and how they missed it. I didn't mind feeding outdoors in summer but hate it in winter with all the layers, think I only did it once. Also as they get older they get more easily distracted so it can be trickier.

A friend had to feed in church during her baby's christening, the priest didn't bat an eyelid.

I fed mine literally anywhere and everywhere. In a work meeting. In the middle of dinner in a restaurant. Half way up a mountain. Crowded pub garden. No way would I try to hide under a cloth either, if anyone had a problem with a baby being fed they could just look away. It's the one thing you can do whenever, wherever!

I've breastfed in church when I was at a christening. Can't speak for all churches but our local c of e church has one of those breastfeeding welcome here stickers on the notice board so I assume it's fine!

Yep, anywhere necessary. H&M have some nice t shirts with a centre section you can pull up if you want specific clothing.

I used to tuck the corner of a muslin into my bra strap for a bit of added privacy if I felt I needed it, plus it stopped DS getting distracted as he got older.

I remember feeling really unsure the first time I was out and needed to feed my first, but soon was well practiced. I fed her absolutely everywhere until she was 20 months and only once had an unwelcome comment, and even then that wasn't directed at me (befriended a young woman with learning difficulties on a bus route I used to take frequently and on one occasion she announced to the bus my baby was feeding and she got short shrift from some old bat poor girl).

As others have said you have a legal right to feed, lockdown must add another layer of stress to all this but stopping to feed is still entirely reasonable and legal.

On a cold rainy day I’ve sometimes gone into an open - but -no-services-on church to feed. Pews aren’t the comfiest but they’ll do and it’s better than getting wetter!

A friend passed on her old nursing cover (I think it's the BebeChic one) and I've found that really helpful as I can see baby well but no one else can!

I used to wear a 'boob tube' around my tummy, especially on cold days, so I could lift up my top layers and not have my fat tummy exposed!!

Strangely enough, the only time I was asked to 'do this somewhere else discretely' was in a hospital waiting room, I was BF my newborn whilst waiting for an appointment for my eldest son. I was so insulted.

@Russell19

I felt the same as above poster about church. I went and sat in the car to feed once. Park bench is fine, doctors waiting room fine, cafe obviously fine. Church is probably the only place I can think of when I was breastfeeding that I just felt awkward. Although I'm sure the priests/vicars really wouldn't mind, it was just me.

Actually I was sitting with my friend and her baby in a pew at the back of the main nave of Canterbury Cathedral when a verger asked her to stop breastfeeding, with an air of unconcealed disgust, as if she should have known better, and was doing the equivalent of squatting down to have a wee behind the altar. (He was definitely implicitly of the opinion that BF is a bodily function that should take place in private behind a locked door, preferably in a toilet cubicle... And he was about fifty, so hardly from a much older generation or anything.)

Fortunately my friend is not easily upset and was polite but extremely firm about the legal situation, and he retreated, tutting, visibly not appeased by what he considered this stroppy young woman insisting on her right to do something quite disgusting in public. It was only afterwards I noticed this whole altercation had taken place under a stained glass window of the Virgin and Child.

She sent a civil email to the Cathedral to ask that they ensure their staff/volunteers were all aware of the legal situation, but I think it was the unconcealed disgust that we both retained from the encounter -- he genuinely thought that what she was doing was revolting, and needed to be concealed.

I found being able to breastfeed anywhere and everywhere in the time it takes to pop out a boob was one of the greatest benefits of breastfeeding! The more you do it, the easier it becomes and you will become more comfortable... as others have said, being able to breastfeed in public is your legal right and I would add that there is no legal requirement for this to be done discreetly, that's personal choice!

I fed DS1 for 15 months - on one occasion I fed him at the side of the baby pool whilst swimming and a lifeguard asked me to leave the pool area in order to be more discreet. I politely informed him that what he was asking was unlawful and I would be doing no such thing. It's not something I would usually do, but I ended up making a complaint as I would have been mortified had this happened early on or had I been less confident in my knowledge of the law and I felt it may have been a real opportunity to train staff.

Good luck with continued BF :)

Yes! I fed everywhere. Walking around new look. At customer services in M&S. In a cafe in Debenhams. In the lift at IKEA. Never ever ever did anyone say anything, except one old lady who said ‘it’s so nice to see, everyone just uses bottles these days’

Yeah we literally just flopped a boob out wherever. Their head covers everything anyway, not one person said anything ever. Be brave, the first few times are daunting but people will rarely make eye contact with a breastfeeding woman I found. 😂

Actually that’s a lie, the waitress in frankie and bennies stood by the hot plate and held my food up so it would stay warm as I fed my baby. She’d noticed I hadn’t started yet and offered. I nearly cried.

The most comfortable place I ever found to breastfeed in public was the giant adult size babybjorn bouncer I came across in a maternity and baby shop once. I understood why babies like them so much! You can try breastfeeding in front of a mirror at home to reassure yourself. I found as long as I picked my clothes carefully there was really nothing visible at all.

Booth Seats in restaurants were perfect too.

PlanDeRaccordement I wish I was shocked at this, but as a hospitality manager I’m really not.

Restaurants have toilets and baby change - use them to change your baby’s nappy. Other diners do not want and should not have to see/smell/hear that while they are eating.

Use your logic from earlier - you don’t feed in a toilet so why should baby? You don’t go to the toilet out in the open in a restaurant so why should baby be changed there?

I have asked diners to leave when they have refused to use toilets to change their babies nappy - and no, there was no refund on the food.

To the OP, feed anywhere People mostly don’t notice!

Breastfeed wherever and however (covered, non-covered etc) you feel comfortable. There are no places I can think of where it would be inappropriate- only places where it might be more uncomfortable for you or baby (if you aren't able to sit down, or if it was really busy/noisy and baby might get distracted etc). If it helps at all, I bottle fed and also felt uncomfortable feeding in public (worrying people were judging me for not breast feeding, feeling like people were staring while I fumbled about trying to make his milk up etc), but babies have to eat and no mum should ever be made to feel uncomfortable for simply feeding their baby!

The only places I couldn't manage to feed were crowded buses and trains, because I always needed to have my elbow sticking right out to the side which I couldn't do with someone next to me.

I remember walking through the City and finding no seats anywhere (struggled to get off the floor), but discovered that M&S lingerie departments always have a chair, even the small ones with no changing rooms. Store changing rooms were handy when getting the hang of it or when older baby started getting distracted easily.

Summer was great because I could just lean against a tree in a park.

Never had any comments except other women asking if I wasn't worried about what some other women might say (not them of course, honest...) Some cafes did get a bit obsessed with offering glasses of water, usually when it was a young male waiter trying to show how he didn't have a problem! By the end of a second or third visit they called down!

calmed down...

I fed DS wherever, although I generally tried to find the comfy cafes if I had time. The only mortifying incident was when I was a bit late to feed, and an elderly gentleman in the cafe queue very discretely whispered "Your shirt, dear", to draw my attention to the spreading damp patch.

I always fed wherever I needed to. One fave spot of mine was in the window sofa at costa lol.

They can only ask you to move if you're causing a health and safety issue. For example if you plonk yourself down in-front of a fire escape or in the middle of a dual carriageway.

I'm no longer breastfeeding (babies have grown up) but if I see a breastfeeding mother I try to smile at her. It can be so scary the first few times, but it gets easier to do

I feed anywhere and everywhere and especially in church as it’s the best way to keep her quiet.

One of my friends was very nervous about feeding in public - tiny baby who took ages, huge boobs - and I specifically suggested we popped into a local abbey to feed when we were on a walk and her baby was hungry. It’s littered with pictures of Mary and Jesus, who I’m sure was definitely breast fed, and I’ve only ever had no comments or kind smiles. We picked a pew, sat down and fed our babies and a volunteer came over and asked if we needed anything so it was the positive experience I’d hoped for. This was C of E but I know the current Pope has invited women at his events to feed their babies when they need or want to and I’d expect nothing less.

Who wants to be near a screaming baby?! It’s the worst sound in the world. Most people would far prefer a quietly feeding one.

In two years I’ve never had a mean word or unkind look. When anyone’s commented at all it’s been a nostalgic “ah I remember those times” usually from an older woman, or an offer of a glass of water from the most unlikely kind people.

I always suggest feeding at home in front of a mirror in a few different tops or with a muslin draped over your shoulder so you know what people can actually see as it’s probably much less than you imagine. The one thing that definitely draws attention is an over the head feeding cover/apron and it wouldn’t have worked for me as I had to watch DD’s mouth when she was tiny so I knew when to pop her on. In normal clothes doing a one up one down sort of thing it probably looks like you’re giving your baby a cuddle. Even if it’s very clear you’re feeding, most people know that human young are designed to be fed by their mums. Our race has got this far because mums popped the baby on as and when needed

I find it really interesting that some posters feel uncomfortable about feeding in church.

I don’t believe in God but if there were one I would expect it to be delighted to look down on a mum feeding a baby in its “house”.

Feed away, I’d say!

Fed my twins everywhere and anywhere they needed to be fed, though luckily it was rarely at the same time as that might have been tricky unless lying down on a bed... they’re rare to find out and about
I do have a problem with the word discrete, like a BF’ing mum would just swing her tits around loudly announcing she’s about to BF. No one does that. Try it once or twice and you’ll be an expert in no time. I also only ever had nice and positive comments too.

I've fed all over the place, including several times in church and only ever had nice comments. Occasionally in cafes I've had a staff member bring me a glass of water unasked, which is always nice.
I think the only place where I've not felt comfortable to feed was in the swimming pool, I got out and wrapped us both in a towel in the changing room.
Please ignore the poster telling you it's okay to change your baby's nappy wherever you are, that's not the same at all, and I'd be absolutely disgusted if someone did that in a restaurant I was eating in.

I think I'm the one that mentioned discrete. Winter is definitely a time for "discrete" feeding even in my own house because the only thing I was trying to hide my boobs from was the cold wind! Did not want any flesh out in the way of the draughts! However "discrete" feeding stuff generally has the advantage of keeping the cold off/out. In summer I was very relaxed, December with a newborn feeding a lot not so much!

I feed DD wherever we are whenever she needs feeding. Though due to the pandemic we only ever really go to the park. I’ve had lots of smiles from other mums and older ladies and the only comment I’ve had was from a lad around 13 years old or so who said ‘look how big her tits are’ while I watch latching DD on. It was probably more his first Real Life seeing a boob rather than about seeing someone breastfeeding. And I do have an impressively big rack.